


An Uncertain Future

by Axey1677



Series: Threatening Realisations [3]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anger, Bitterness, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Forgiveness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 21:15:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 53,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17588549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axey1677/pseuds/Axey1677
Summary: Based Two and a half years after Fearful RealityWill Rafael ever forgive the person who hurt him the most? Is he able move past everything that had happened in order to get the future he wants most?





	1. Chapter 1

Rafael took his first few steps outside the side door of the prison; the warm sunlight hitting his skin unobstructed for the first time in years. He slowly made his way down the long path, chain fence surrounding him; he watched as the gate down the end slowly opened for him. Some small part of him was hoping to see Olivia leaning against a white convertible but that only seemed to happen in the movies; he knew she wasn’t coming back for him. As he walked through the gate he paused; closing his eyes, drawing his first deep breath as a free man. While the fresh air filled his lungs, a thought occurred to him; he was alone, no home, no friends... Olivia had once told him that all of his belongings were now in some dingy storage room. He questioned if it would even still be there. Rafael slowly opened his eyes; the bright sun blinding him for a moment, before he started to walk down the long road to the nearest bus stop.

An hour and a half later, Rafael stood in front of the open storage unit, the sight of his entire life packed up into a small container made him feel numb. There were racks of clothes hanging around, some furniture pushed against the walls and boxes on top of boxes filling the space; yet Rafael couldn’t help but think the most important thing to him wasn’t here. With a heavy sigh, he entered his unit and started to go through his things; after his third box of books, he came across a pile of photos. He sat on the floor as he shuffled through each photo; at first, they were just photos of him in his younger years but just as he was nearing the end of the pile, he came across a family photo. He slowly sat down on the floor; his heart feeling heavy as he ran his thumb over the photo. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his family; it was just an ordinary photo of Olivia, Noah and himself at the park but in this moment, it meant everything to him. With a shuddering breath, he realised he wouldn’t be able to move on until he found them again. He was unsure of what his future had installed for him but the one thing he knew was that it was going to take a lot of determination to find his family.

After losing track of time, he put the photo down and continued to sort through his items; as he worked away, his mind was trying to figure out how to start looking for Olivia. As the day turned to night, it occurred to Rafael that he currently didn’t have enough money to spend the night anywhere other than his storage unit. After some clever stacking and rearranging, he had made himself somewhere reasonable to sleep.

 

Rafael had spent the best part the next morning stuck inside his bank; with each passing hour, Rafael grew more irritated at answering the same questions over and over again. He had gone through two tellers before finally reaching a bank manager; after half an hour with her, Rafael was granted access to his accounts again. When he left the bank, he slowly wandered the streets of Manhattan trying to clear his head and figure out his next move. As he aimlessly wandered, he realised there was one thought that wouldn’t leave. He searched his pockets for his phone as he walked; after a moment he pulled it out and dialled an old friend.

“Rita Calhoun’s office, how may I direct your call?” A young man answered the phone.

“I need to speak to Rita,” Rafael replied, “Put me through.”

“She’s busy at the moment, can I take your name and number-“

“Listen,” Rafael growled, “I don’t care how busy she is, put me through.”

“Sir,” he frowned, “I can’t-“

“Buddy, I don’t care what your protocol is but I will be talking to her even if I have to come down there in person,” Rafael huffed, “You don’t want that, I don’t want that, I have more important things to do so just put her on the god damn phone.”

“I, uh,-“ the man was cut short by music.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he listened to the annoying hold music; he continued to make his way down the block while he waited. As he turned the corner, he saw a coffee stand and decided to get one. Walking up to the man, he said, “Cream and two sugars-“

The music suddenly stopped, “Do you ever think about anything else other than coffee?” Rita laughed.

Rafael pulled out his wallet with his spare hand and paid the man as he replied, “You’d be proud of me, this is my first cup in two and a half years.”

“Well maybe now that you have one you won’t be such an ass to my receptionist,” Rita retorted.

He gave the man a quick nod as he took his coffee and started down the block again, “I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?” He shrugged.

“How have you been?” Rita asked quietly.

“Been better,” Rafael mumbled. “Wish I didn’t have to spend my morning in the Bank.”

“I hope everything’s been sorted out now,” Rita sighed.

“Only took a few hours,” Rafael muttered.

Rita fell silent as she tried to figure out how to ask her next question; after some hesitation, she asked, “Do you have somewhere to live?”

“That’s a bit forward, don’t you think?” Rafael laughed, “Could at least offer to buy me dinner first.”

“Smart-ass,” Rita said with a small laugh.

“Don’t worry, I’m a married man,” Rafael sighed with a slight hint of bitterness. “Besides I already have a place.”

“You’re not living in a halfway house, are you?” Rita cautiously asked.

Rafael scoffed, “Please, I can do much better than that.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, where then?” Rita questioned.

“Some hotel overlooking the park,” Rafael lied, “Like I said, I’ve got a place.”

“Okay,” she sighed before the line fell into an awkward silence. A few long seconds later Rita began, “I’m sorry about your case-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Rafael interrupted, “I don’t blame you. It was a tough one.” When the line fell quiet again, Rafael sighed, “Look, I’m actually calling to ask you something.”

“What’s that?” Rita questioned.

“Did Olivia give you anything before she left?” He muttered, “A number, an address, anything at all?”

“No, I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I wish I could help.”

“Thanks anyway,” he sighed, “I’ll figure out another way to find her.”

Just before Rafael hung up, he heard Rita ask, “What are you planning on doing when you find her?”

Rafael paused as he took a sip of his coffee; the bitter taste dancing on his tongue before he swallowed. After a brief moment he sighed, “I’ll call you if I need you,” ending the call before Rita could say anything else.

He quickly placed his phone back into his pocket as he wandered the streets; occasionally taking a sip of his coffee as he thought. _What am I going to do when I find her?_ Feeling uneasy at the question, he pushed it far away. He wondered aimlessly for the best part of an hour before he stopped just outside of the 16th precinct. He stood there staring at the entrance for a while; his heart racing and his chest tightening at the thought of going inside. Memories of working with Olivia and her squad came flooding back to him; one particular late night pushed its way forward in his mind. It was just him and Olivia, working in her office; he remembers glancing up from his phone and watching the way she flicked her hair out of her face. She mocked him when she caught him staring; but he didn’t care. The fluorescent glow seemed to shine brightly on her, giving her a beautiful glow. This was the moment Rafael realised he was in love with her.

When a patrol officer bumped his shoulder, he was jolted back into the present time. After a deep breath he reminded himself., “You need to find her. You need to find your family.” A quick nod to himself, he walked inside. He stepped off the elevator into the squad room; it had been years since he had stepped foot inside; despite the remodeling, it still felt like a second home to him. As he walked further inside, he saw a few officer’s stopping and staring at him before continuing on their way. He stopped in the middle of the floor as he looked around for some familiar faces; that’s when he saw Fin walking out of, what used to be, Olivia’s office. Fin stopped dead in his tracks when they made eye contact; Rafael rolled his eyes as he mocked, “It’s rude to stare.”

“I…” Fin stuttered, “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

Before they could say anything else, Carisi and Rollins walked out of the break room; “Hey, Serg-“ Carisi began but he fell silent as his own eyes landed on Rafael.

“Hey now it’s a party,” Rafael frowned.

“When…” Rollins drifted off.

Rafael glared at her, “When did I get out? Yesterday.”

“I’m sorry about-“

“I don’t care,” Rafael huffed, “I don’t want to hear your apologies. I quite frankly don’t give a shit.”

“Barba,” Fin sighed.

“No, none of you came to visit me while I was in there,” he growled, “You all turned your back on me when I needed you.”

“You can’t blame us,” Rollins mumbled, “The evidence was convincing.”

“I don’t blame you,” he shrugged, “She gave a convincing performance.”

“Olivia?” Carisi questioned.

Rafael nodded, “That’s why I’m here. I need to find her.”

They all paused as they looked at each other; sharing the same uncomfortable stare. “Um,” Fin muttered, “Why don’t we get a cup of coffee?”

“I don’t want another coffee,” Rafael huffed as Fin walked past him.

“Come on,” Carisi sighed, following Fin. “You’ve never been one to turn down a coffee.”

“A lot has changed,” Rafael growled. As everyone walked away from him, Rafael let out a frustrated groan as he followed them into the break room.

Rollins was the last to enter, closing the door behind her; everyone shared one last uncomfortable look at each other before Rollins sighed, “Barba, if we knew that you didn’t do it-“

“Stop,” Rafael frowned, “I don’t care.”

“Please let us explain,” Carisi whispered.

“No,” Rafael huffed.

“We didn’t know you didn’t-“ Fin began.

Rafael rolled his eyes, “You knew me. You were my friends!” He yelled, “Or at least I thought you were.”

“We are-“ Carisi started.

“No, you’re not,” Rafael shrugged, “I get it, you were doing your job but don’t think for a second, I have forgiven any of you. I just came here to see if you know where Olivia is.”

“I don’t,” Fin sighed, “Once she left New York, she cut all ties.”

“Same here,” Carisi mumbled.

Rollins felt Rafael’s gaze turn to her; she drew a deep breath, “I have an address, but I don’t know if she’s still there, we fell out of contact.”

“Where?” Rafael growled.

“What are you going to do?” Rollins asked, cautiously.

“I just want to talk to her,” he sighed, “I want to understand why she did this to me.”

“It’s in Chicago,” Rollins mumbled.

Rafael let out a low grunt as he rolled his eyes; when he started for the door, Fin questioned, “Where are you going?”

“I have that address,” he muttered, “She’s not there.”

“How do you know?” Fin asked.

“Olivia gave me that address but I’ve been in touch with the current resident since then,” he mumbled, opening the door.

“Hey,” Fin smiled, “When you do find her… Tell her to come back, the place just doesn’t run the same as it used to.”

Rafael stood in the doorway for a moment; a frown evident on his face. “Coming back will be the least of her problems,” he muttered under his breath.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Rollins frowned, catching his arm.

Rafael looked at her hand before moving his gaze to the blonde woman face; he swallowed his anger, “I just want to talk to her,” he said; this time sounding more like he was trying to reassure himself. When Amanda still hadn’t removed her hand; he yanked his arm from her, “Look,” he huffed, “I’ve got somewhere else to be if none of you can help me.”

“Where are you going?” Carisi asked, “Maybe we could get lunch or something first? You know, catch up.”

“No,” Rafael growled, “There’s no need for your pity party, I’ll be out of your hair and out of this god forsaken city by soon enough.”

“Raf-“ Carisi began but Rafael strutted out of the room.

 

An hour later, Rafael found himself stepping off another elevator but this time, he felt a little sick to his stomach. He kept his head down as he walked the once familiar halls of the DA’s office; watching as different patterns of the decorative carpet passed. Rafael took a deep breath to calm himself as he turned the final corner to Casey’s office. There was a young woman sitting behind a desk, Rafael assumed it was Casey’s secretary. When he made eye contact with her, his stride quickened; the woman stood up quickly to try and stop him but he reached the door first. Bursting through, the door hitting the wall, Rafael huffed, “We need to talk.”

To Rafael’s surprise, it wasn’t just Casey in the room; sitting in the chair in front of Casey’s desk sat an older gentleman. As he twisted his body in the chair, Rafael realised who it was. “Barba, what a pleasant surprise,” Jack smiled. He turned moved his gaze passed Rafael and saw the woman standing, apologetically, in the doorway, “It’s okay,” Jack mouthed; soon after the woman left.

“I didn’t mean to-“ Rafael paused, “I need to talk to Casey… alone.”

“I want you to know,” Jack sighed, “I always had faith in you-“

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Rafael huffed, “You stopped talking to me when I needed someone. And now…” Rafael felt his anger bubbling up. “Now that the truth comes out, you want me to say that it’s all okay. Well it’s not! I lost everything.”

“I didn’t mean to offend-“ Jack began.

“We’re way past offending,” Rafael growled; his hand curling into a fist, “I don’t care about whatever it is you’re discussing, I don’t work for you anymore so I don’t have to pretend to care. I’m talking to Casey and I won’t leave until I do.”

Jack glanced over to Casey, who’s eyes were fixated on Rafael, before sighing; he shortly after he stood up and started for the door, cautiously stepping around Rafael.

Rafael remained quiet as he glared at Casey until he heard the door click shut behind him; “Where is she?”

“Why would I tell you?” Casey frowned.

“Because you destroyed my life,” Rafael retorted, “You put me in prison for something I didn’t do.”

“At the time you were the only suspect,” Casey shrugged. “I was only recently made aware of the current wellbeing of Olivia’s son, Noah.”

“Oh, how long have you been practicing that one in the mirror?” He sneered.

“We’re all sorry about this unjust mistake,” Casey sighed, “We can’t give you back the time that was taken-“

“Will you shut up!” Rafael frowned, “I know the speeches. Just tell me what I want to know.”

“I can’t help you,” she whispered.

“You owe me,” he grumbled.

Casey frowned, “I don’t owe you anything, I was doing my job and I did it well.”

“Is that how you justify putting away innocent people?” Rafael snarled.

“I did it for Olivia,” Casey muttered, “She’s my friend and for all I knew her son was just taken from her.”

“Just tell me where she is and I’ll be out of your hair,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“I actually can’t help you with that,” Casey sighed, “Olivia left without so much as a goodbye a few months after your incarceration. I never got any word from her until I received a phone call from her about a month back telling me everything.”

“Let me guess,” Rafael huffed, “Burner phone.”

Casey nodded, “I don’t know where she is.”

“Seems like no one does,” Rafael muttered under his breath.

“What do you mean?” Casey questioned.

“You were my last stop. Believe me, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have to be,” Rafael growled, “I’ll find her, it’s only a matter of time.”

“I hope you don’t,” Casey mumbled, “For her sake.”

Rafael clenched his jaw, “I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

“Maybe before you condemn her for what happened, actually listen to what she has to say-“

Rafael let out a bitter laugh, “That’s rich coming from you.”

“You’ve got to let that go,” Casey sighed.

“No,” he shrugged, “I don’t think I do.”

“It’s not her fault,” Casey mumbled.

Ignoring Casey, Rafael turned for the door, “Can’t say it was nice talking to you.”

“Don’t hurt her,” Casey called out.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he opened the door and left her office.

 

Days later, Rafael spent most of the morning in his storage unit, packing a duffle bag; he filled most of it with clothes, anything from jeans to a couple of suits, and with any space left he carefully packed some sentimental items. As he was packing, he came across all of his suspenders, he knew he couldn’t pack them all so he stood there for a moment just staring at them all. After a deep breath one pair caught his eye; he slowly picked up the black and pink stripped suspenders, memories filling his head. Olivia had bought him this pair to replace the ones he lost after being shot. Drawing a deep breath, he packed that pair and closed the drawer before moving on. He was almost done when he realised he was yet to find the small wooden box his mother gave him a few years back. He spent the next hour tearing everything apart in search for this small box; he was quickly running out of time before his flight to do everything he wanted. He spent an extra fifteen minutes searching but without any luck he had to give up and leave.

He felt numb as he walked towards the front desk; he placed his key on the desk and waited for the old man behind it to look up from his paper. When he didn’t, Rafael cleared his throat, “I want to close my unit.”

“You’ve got a week to remove your things-“ the old man began.

“No, if you’ve got $500, I’ll sell you everything I’ve got,” Rafael sighed. “I’m leaving and I don’t want any of it.”

The man slowly looked up from his paper, “$500?”

“It’s worth a lot more than that,” Rafael nodded, “One suit in there is worth double, I just want to be done with it.”

“Yeah, okay,” the man smiled as he slowly stood up. He shuffled over to his register and pulled out the money, “You’ve got a deal.”

Rafael sighed as he took the money from the old man; without counting it he just quickly placed it in his wallet and began to walk away. Just before he reached the door, he turned his head over his shoulder, “Um, if you come across a small wooden box filled with photos can you give me call? I’d like that back if it’s there.”

“I can’t guarantee anything but if I see it, I’ll contact you,” the man nodded.

Rafael drew a deep breath as he continued out of the building; he had a few hours before he had to be at the airport but there was one stop, he wanted to make before he left. He bought a bouquet of carnations from the nearest florist before making his way to his mother’s grave.

 

Half an hour later, Rafael quietly walked towards his mother’s grave; when he reached her, he carefully placed his bag on the ground and took a few steps forward. Placing the carnations he bought on top of her headstone, he smiled, “Hey Mamá.” He took out his pocket square as he knelt down; cleaning her picture, he sighed, “I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I’m sorry.” He paused as he stared at her, now clean, picture; she looked more beautiful than he remembered. “I wish you were here,” he sniffled, “I really could use your advice right now.”

While he sat quietly, he heard the wind rustling through the trees and birds singing in the distance; when the sun peered through the dark clouds and hit his face, he felt comforted.

After a few long minutes, Rafael sighed, “I’m leaving New York and I don’t-“ he paused when he felt his eyes beginning to water. He took a deep breath before he continued, “I don’t know if I’ll be back, there’s nothing left for me here.” A lone tear slowly escaped his eye; “Olivia…” he sniffled, “Olivia broke my heart and yet I can’t seem to get her out of my mind. I can’t move on until I find her.” When Rafael felt the warmth of the sun disappear, he lowered his head, “I’m sorry Mamá, I never wanted this.”

He sombrely made the sign of the cross and quietly said a prayer in Spanish; as he prayed, he felt a few drops of rain fall onto him. The rustling in the tree’s seemed to grow louder with each passing minute, while the birds seemed to have disappeared. Rafael never felt alone at his mother’s grave but this time everything was different. It had been years since he last had the chance to speak to her and now, he was saying goodbye.

As the rain started to fall faster, he kissed his fingers before placing them on Lucia’s photo, “Until we meet again...”

His tears disappeared into the drops of rain that rolled down his face. He sat there for a moment longer in the rain; his hair sticking to his forehead, his clothes getting heavier with each passing minute. The wind began to pick up, pushing cold air onto his, now wet, body but despite feeling cold, he couldn’t tear himself away from her grave. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. He closed his eyes for a moment as he remembered his mother and everything she ever did for him; while he lost himself in memories, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Being drawn out of his haze he looked at the hand before following it up to find Carisi standing next to him holding an umbrella.

“I thought I might find you here… how about we get you out of the rain?” he smiled.

Rafael shook his head as he sniffled, “I don’t want you here.”

Carisi removed his hand from Rafael’s shoulder as he sighed, “Take your time but I’m not leaving you here alone.”

“Yo siempre te amaré Mamá,” Rafael sighed as he slowly stood up.

When Rafael was fully standing, he turned his gaze to Carisi; the sound of the rain falling onto Carisi’s umbrella filled the silence between them. Rafael rolled his eyes as he started to walk away, brushing past Caris; when he stopped just in front of his soaking wet bag, he heard Carisi, “Let me-“

“I don’t need your help,” Rafael growled as he bent down. The rain dripped off him as he reached for his duffle bag; once it was in his hand, he tossed it over his shoulder and began to walk away.

“At least walk with me under the umbrella,” Carisi sighed as he cautiously walked behind Rafael.

Rafael remained quiet as he stubbornly continued to walk in the rain, away from Lucia’s grave. After a few steps he heard some rushed footsteps slapping on the wet concrete behind him shortly followed by a soft hand on his arm. Rafael stopped suddenly and turned on his heels; it was so unexpected Carisi almost walked straight into Rafael. “Why are you even here?” Rafael growled, “I certainly don’t want you here.”

“I thought you could use a friend,” Carisi mumbled.

“Yeah well if you find one let me know,” Rafael replied.

“Come on,” Carisi sighed, “I know you’re mad but I’m sorry-“

“No, you have no right to come here of all places and force an apology,” Rafael growled; rain dripping down his face, “This is my mother’s grave!”

“I know-“

“I don’t have time for this,” Rafael muttered as he turned on his heels, “I’m going to be late.”

“Where are you going?” Carisi asked as he walked a few steps behind Rafael. “I’ll give you a lift.”

“No, I can make my own way to the airport,” Rafael mumbled.

“Wait, you’re actually leaving?” Carisi questioned.

“Don’t pretend to care,” Rafael grumbled.

“I do care,” Carisi sighed.

Rafael dropped his bag on the ground as he turned quickly and took a fist full of Carisi’s dry shirt, “That’s bullshit and we both know it.”

Rafael’s sudden movements caught Carisi off guard; “I’m sorry… I wanted to believe you,” he croaked, feeling a lump form in his throat.

“I needed you,” Rafael growled, “I needed you all but you turned your back on me and now… Now you want me to pretend that it’s okay?” Rafael paused as he tightened his grip on Carisi’s shirt and took a step forward, putting himself close to Carisi and under the umbrella; the rain still running down his back.

“Trust me if we had of known-“

Rafael shoved Carisi backwards as he gave a half-assed laugh, “Trust? I can’t trust you… I can’t even trust the one person I thought I could.”

“Olivia?” Carisi questioned. When Rafael didn’t reply, he asked, “Then why are you even looking for her?”

“Because...” Rafael paused. It was the first time anyone actually asked and he wasn’t sure why himself until he heard the words come out of his mouth, “She’s still my future.”

“You’re mad at us so there’s no way you’ve forgiven Olivia,” Carisi sighed. “Why are you really looking for her?”

Unable to answer the question Rafael just shook his head as he sighed, “I just.. I need closure.” Turning on his heels, he picked up his bag and muttered, “Don’t follow me.”

Carisi stood still under his umbrella as he watched as the rain swallowed Rafael until he was gone from view.

 

Hours later, Rafael was in Chicago; the last known location of Olivia. He managed to find a cheap, pay by the hour, motel not far from the address he had for Olivia. He spent an hour in his room; it wasn’t anything spectacular, the walls had obvious water damage, the wallpaper was pealing and even the TV in the room looked as though it belonged in a museum but despite its flaws it sure beat the storage unit, he had been sleeping in. He sat on the edge of the bed as he unpacked his things; trying to find the letters he had received while in prison. Once he found them, he took the latest one and wrote down the address in his phone before making his way out the door.

It was late afternoon when Rafael reached Olivia’s old address. He stood on the curb for a moment looking towards a house; it had a shabby white picket fence, weeds and dead grass filling the lawn, the setting sun turned everything golden. He took a deep breath as he took a few steps towards the front door; as he neared the porch, he noticed the carnations that grew on the edge. _Liv was here_ , he thought. He continued up the creaky wooden stairs to the door; he hesitated for a moment before knocking. Shortly after he heard some rustling coming from inside; “H-hello?” A weak voice called out.

“Um, I’m sorry to bother you but I’m looking for someone,” Rafael replied. He waited patiently, listening to the door unlock, as it slowly opened, he smiled, “Ruth?”

An old woman cautiously stood in the doorway; she had short white hair, which just stopped above her shoulders. She was much shorter than Rafael, he guessed 5’2 at best. Her face showed surprisingly few wrinkles, most gathered around her eyes and mouth. She looked at him confused; as if she was trying to recognise his face, “Do I know you?” As she spoke, her soft, brittle voice reminded Rafael of some old fairy in a movie he had watched with Noah; the name of which, escaped him.

“Sort of,” he mumbled. “I, um, I’m Rafael Barba-“

“Oh,” she said, a big smile appearing on her face, “You’re more handsome than I thought.”

Rafael smiled a little, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Aren’t you kind,” she laughed, “What brings you here? When did you...”

“I got out a week ago,” he sighed. “I came here to say thank you for writing me and I felt that I should do it in person. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you.”

“No bother, I’m happy to finally meet you,” she grinned. “Will you come in for a cuppa?”

Rafael smiled politely, “I’d love to.”

The old woman turned slowly and shuffled into the house, Rafael entered behind her; as he walked through her house, he couldn’t help but smile at how much it reminded him of his mother’s home. As he followed Ruth, he saw photos placed carefully hung on the walls accompanied by a few decorative plates. There were knickknacks scattered along bookshelves, framing the clearly well-loved books that sat proudly on display. As they entered the small kitchen, Rafael noted how out of place it seemed; it was clearly renovated in recent years. There were white cabinets with black trimmings, strategically placed, making the space look bigger than it actually was. Watching Ruth walk a little further Rafael noticed the black subway tiled splashback stylishly behind a stainless-steel stovetop. 

As she reached for the little red kettle sitting on the counter, she asked “Do you want tea or coffee?” Her hands trembled as she moved it to the stovetop, “I’m afraid I don’t have anything stronger.”

“Coffee would be great actually,” Rafael smiled. He took one last look around as he said, “Lovely home you have here. I noticed the carnations outside; did you plant them?”

“No, they were here when I bought the house,” she said as she turned the stove on. As she waited, she turned to Rafael, “I think the woman... I assume your wife... planted them.”

Rafael smiled a little as he nodded, “She always did like them.”

“You’re going to go find her, aren’t you?” She asked.

“I’m trying to,” he sighed, “She didn’t make it easy.”

As the kettle whistled in the background the old lady smiled softly, “Have a little faith.”

Rafael remained quiet as he watched her make his coffee; when she turned to hand it to him, he took it gently from her trembling hands, “Thank you,” he smiled.

“Oh, where are my manners, please sit,” she said gesturing to the chairs on the other side of the counter. “I don’t get many visitors these days.”

“Well they don’t know what they’re missing out on,” Rafael grinned.

“Aren’t you a darl,” she laughed. The room fell into a short silence as Rafael sipped away at his coffee, “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“Mmm,” Rafael nodded as he swallowed his drink.

“Have you forgiven your wife for what she’s done?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “I think I need to see her before I can decide that.” Rafael placed his coffee on the counter as he ruffled through his pockets for his wallet. Once he found it, he pulled out a small photo; it was of Noah, fast asleep on the lounge, snuggling a stuffed toy.  Rafael smiled a little as he stared at it, “More than anything I want to see my son again.”

He held out the photo for Ruth; as she took it, she smiled, “He’s cute, how old is he now?”

“He’s 9... almost 10,” Rafael grinned, “I’m hoping to find him before then. I don’t want to miss another birthday.”

“Hmm,” she mumbled; staring at the photo. “I think…” Ruth paused as she placed the photo on the counter.

“What?” He questioned as he took his photo back.

Ruth didn’t reply; instead she quickly shuffled out of the kitchen and down the hallway. As Rafael sat, confused, he turned his gaze down to the photo again; the longer he looked at it the more he thought all the things he’s missed out on. After a long few minutes, Rafael heard Ruth coming back down the hallway; “I found it a few days ago and was going to tell you about it in our next letter,” her voice just audible.

He quickly wiped away the tears that rested in his eyes just before she entered, “Oh?” he croaked.

“It was hidden away in one of the wardrobes, I think it might have been the boy’s room,” she said. As she continued, Rafael lowered his gaze to her hands, “It’s a little dusty but I thought you might want it.”

Rafael’s heart jumped when he saw the dog, “I haven’t seen Charlie in years,” he gasped.

“What a cute name,” she laughed.

His hand started to shake as he reached for it, “He used to carry it everywhere with him… It was the first thing I ever got him. God that seems like a lifetime ago now.”

“Well, when you see him again be sure to give it back to him... I’m sure he’s missing it,” Ruth smiled.

Rafael absentmindedly nodded as he played with the dogs’ soft ears. _He’s forgetting you... Finally letting you go… Is it time you do the same?_

Ruth watched him quietly, while he stared at the toy in his hands; she noticed the tears he was fighting to hold back.

Unsure of how much time had passed, Rafael took a shuddering breath before looking up at the old woman; “Y-You have no idea what this m-means to me,” his voice cracking. As a lone tear escaped him, Rafael quickly removed one hand from Charlie and wiped his cheek dry.

Ruth placed her soft hand on top of Rafael’s, “You’re going to find them, I know you will,” she comforted.

Unable to think of anything to say, Rafael just smiled back then moved his gaze back to the stuffed toy in his hand.

He spent the next few hours talking with Ruth about anything and everything; he didn’t care what they spoke about but he was just glad to be connecting with someone again. Long after the sun had set, Rafael said his goodbyes and made his way back to his dingy motel room. After such an exhausting day, once he was inside his room, he just collapsed on his lumpy bed and fell asleep. It was the first time in months, he slept through the whole night.

 

The next day, Rafael stood outside staring a precinct in the middle of Chicago; everything felt different. He had been inside many precincts before, yet he felt out of place here. He drew a deep breath, willing himself to go inside; his breath visible in the cold air. After a few more, he finally started for the front door; when he reached it, a cop held the door for him before making his own way out. Rafael paused in the doorway for a moment as he looked around the floor; the walls had a cream coloured paint and everything else seemed to have dark wood furnishings. _This isn’t New York anymore,_ he thought. Walking towards the front desk, he saw a grey-haired woman working the desk, alone; when he reached her, he cleared his throat, “I need to talk to Sergeant Hank Voight.”

Without looking up, the woman replied, “He’s not seeing any guests today.”

“I,” Rafael sighed, “I need to talk to him.”

“He’s busy,” she shrugged as she finished signing paperwork. When she realised he didn’t move, she looked up, “He’s working an important case. If you write your name-“ she frowned as she looked across the room. “Oi, you two, aren’t you supposed to be on patrol?”

“Sorry,” one officer nodded.

“We were just heading out,” the other rushed as they quickly left for the door.

“Look,” Rafael frowned, “I’m not leaving until I see Voight.”

“Well you’ll be waiting all day,” she shrugged.

Rafael clenched his jaw as he looked down at her badge, “Detective Platt-“

“Sergeant,” she growled.

“Ha, a sergeant?” He mocked, “What the hell did you to do land a desk job?”

Her face went cold as she glared at him.

A fellow officer was walking past, “Aye,” he called out. As he walked closer, he added, “I’d leave her alone.”

“Ruzek, I can look after myself,” Trudy growled.

“I know,” Adam nodded, “It’s the poor bastard I’m worried about. He doesn’t know who he’s messing with.”

“I won’t ask again!” Rafael yelled, “Get me Hank Voight.”

Adam sighed as he placed a hand on Rafael’s jacket, “Man, why don’t you just calm down-“

Recoiling from the officer, Rafael growled, “Get your hands off me!”

Suddenly there was an ear-piercing whistle echoing through the floor. Everyone stopped and turned to the stairs; just past the caged walls stood Hank Voight; “What’s going on?” he asked.

Adam and Trudy quickly looked back at each other, and with one quick nod, Trudy turned back to Hank, “This… asshole, wants to talk to you.”

“Let him through,” Hank nodded.

“Sir!” Trudy frowned.

“Do either of you know who he is?” Hank frowned, “He was the New York DA that put away Yates.”

Trudy’s eyes widened as she looked back at Rafael, “I… Okay.”

“Ruzek, don’t you have a lead you’re supposed to be chasing?” Hank reminded.

Adam nodded before turning, bumping Rafael’s shoulder hard, as he made his way out the door.

“Great team you have here Sergeant,” Rafael muttered.

Hank watched Rafael slowly make his way towards the caged gate; “Well they know how to bite back,” he sighed as he opened the door.

“I need to talk to you,” Rafael sighed, walking through the door.

“So I heard… My office,” he nodded.

They both quietly walked up the stairs and into the intelligence squad room; they weren’t alone, there was a brunette woman sitting in the desk closest to the stairs and in the next desk over; Rafael let out a sigh of relief… Another familiar face.

“Barba?” Jay questioned as he stood up. “What are you doing here? Some serial rapist from New York on the run?”

“I…” Rafael stuttered, “I don’t, um-“

“He’s retired,” Hank helped as they walked past. “If you need me… Don’t,” he muttered entering his office.

Hank waited at the door for Rafael to enter before closing it behind them both; “You knew I was retired?” Rafael asked.

“Olivia told me what happened a few years ago,” he nodded.

“Oh?” Rafael questioned.

“Yeah, she told me about what happened with that dirty cop,” Hank sighed, “Shame he wasn’t in my city, he’d never have made it out of that warehouse.”

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Rafael smiled a little, “Believe me, it would have saved me a headache or two.”

“Looks like he got you pretty good,” Hank noted looking at the long scar running down Rafael’s cheek.

“He did,” Rafael nodded; lowering his gaze for a moment. When he raised it again, he bluntly said, “I need to ask for your help.”

“Mine?” Hank questioned, “Why not your friends at the NYPD?”

“I don’t have any,” Rafael frowned, “Look, I’m looking for someone.”

“Who?”

“My wife,” Rafael growled, “She took my son away from me.”

“You’re gonna have to give me a name if you want my help,” Hank shrugged as he sat down.

“Lieutenant Olivia Benson,” Rafael said; a bitter tone present in his voice. “She lived here a few years back and now I’m looking for her.”

“I know she was here,” Hank sighed, “She worked for me but she never mentioned that she was married.”

“Yeah, I bet that’s a topic she wants to forget,” Rafael snarled. “Do you know where she is?”

“No,” Hank shrugged, “Last I heard she was going back to New York. I thought it was for the best, at least for her kids.”

Rafael tuned out after he hearing New York; he began pacing as she shook his head, “She’s not in New York. There’s no way she’d go back.”

“She seemed pretty spooked when she left,” Hank mumbled; watching Rafael’s body language. “She was gone before I had the chance to ask her about it.”

“Yeah, she’s good at that,” Rafael growled. He suddenly stopped in his tracks and sat in the chair across from Hank, Rafael huffed, leaning forward, “So are you going to help me or not?”

Hank clenched his jaw as he thought, “Why now?”

“What?” Rafael frowned.

“She was here a couple of years ago,” Hank sighed, “Why are you only looking for her now?”

“I was… otherwise indisposed,” he muttered under his breath.

Hank remained quiet while he watched Rafael; the man’s green eyes staring at him yet they seemed cold and distant, as if he was seeing some distant memory. Not wanting to pry just yet, Hank agreed, “Okay, I’ll help.”

“Olivia told me how you used to be a dirty cop-“

“I won’t deny I was,” Hank frowned, “But I did my time for that-“

“I’m not accusing you,” Rafael rushed, “I’m simply saying, I want you to find her by any means necessary. I will gladly pay you for your trouble if you find her.”

Hank nodded quietly; no more words were needed, they both understood where they stood. Soon after, Hank pulled out a bottle from his bottom draw, “Drink?”

“No,” Rafael sighed, “I should get going, besides, you have work to do.”

Watching Rafael stand, Hank asked, “How long are you in Chicago for?”

“As long as it takes,” Rafael said bluntly; walking to the door.

 

Rafael spend the rest of the day in his motel room but as the night dragged on, he found himself feeling restless; unable to stop his mind from thinking, he decided to take a quick walk around the block. He put on his sweater and an overcoat before venturing out the door and down to the street. He wandered aimlessly for hours; the ice-cold air hitting his lungs with each breath. He held his arms close to his body, hands tucked under each arm, as he kept his jacket closed but no matter how tight he held it shut, the Chicago wind always found its way in. It wasn’t like New York, there was a quietness to this city he hadn’t seen in years; most of the streets he walked down were deserted and those that weren’t they were probably too drunk to remember their own names. There weren’t many neon lights around at this hour, but those that were still on, were drowned out by the golden glow of the lampposts. The long walk didn’t do much to ease his restless mind, instead it forced him to think more; but the one thought he couldn’t escape from was Olivia. Lost in his own thoughts, Rafael found himself in an unfamiliar part of the city; he paused for a moment under the nearest lamppost, his nose now numb; he was sure it must be red. He looked around, through his own cold breath, until his eyes fell on a dim glow just down the block. He slowly made his way towards it when he realised he had found an old Cathedral; its doors were still open. He stopped on the steps as he looked up at the magnificent structure before him; the stone cross on the steeple caught his attention. Something begged him to go inside, so he willingly obeyed. He quietly walked between the isles, admiring the architecture of the building as he walked through. When he reached the end on the isles, he found himself face to face with the alter; a giant cross hung on the back wall. Rafael slowly made the sign of the cross as he got to his knees; he knelt there, head bowed with his hands interlocked, for a while. He wasn’t sure of how much time had passed, it felt simultaneously like a few minutes and a few hours; but for the first time in a while, his mind had stopped, he finally felt at ease. He no longer felt alone; despite being the only one in the room. After some time, he heard some footsteps coming from his right side. He quickly did the sign of the cross and turned his gaze to the man who had entered, “Oh sorry Father, am I keeping you?”

“Not at all,” the man smiled, “The doors are always open, especially for those who come at this hour. Seems to me they’re the ones who need it the most.” The Priest walked towards the alter and lit a candle, “May I ask, are you here for warmth or some guidance?”

“I was wandering the streets and I stumbled across this place,” Rafael sighed as he slowly stood up, “Something called me here. I have a lot on my mind Father and I was hoping to find some answers.”

“And did you?” He asked.

“He’s yet to talk back to me Father,” Rafael sighed, “But I don’t feel as lonely as I did.”

“If you want, I can offer an ear and perhaps some guidance,” the Priest suggested.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, lowering his head. “I’ve been rather angry and hateful these last few years and I don’t know if I can move past it.”

“Whatever has been troubling you won’t last forever,” the Priest reassured.

“Maybe not but some of the thoughts I’ve had…” Rafael hesitated, “I’ve been in a bad place for a long time.”

“The Lord will forgive you but can you forgive yourself?”

“It’s not me who I need to forgive Father,” Rafael sighed. “But I don’t know if I have the strength to do that.”  The room fell silent as Rafael watched the flame of the candle dance; completely lost in thought, the buzz of Rafael’s phone startled him, “I’m sorry Father,” he mumbled as he dug out his phone. He quickly glanced at the message and saw Hank’s name on his screen. “Thank you,” Rafael sighed as he looked at the Priest next to him, “I’ve got a lot to think about but I’m glad I found this place.”

“You’re more than welcome to come back whenever you want or need to,” the Priest smiled before turning away.

Rafael watched as the Priest walked back towards the candles before making his own way out of the Cathedral. Once he was outside, he read the message; _Meet me outside Molly’s ASAP – V._ With a deep breath; the cold air filling his lungs, he started towards the bar.

After a long walk Rafael made it to the bar; he spotted Hank standing next to the door but as he walked closer Hank disappeared down the alleyway. Rafael entered a slight jog as he tried to catch up. Once they both were halfway down the alleyway, he rushed, “Why’d you call me here? Did you find something? Did you find her?”

“I found something,” Hank nodded, slowly walking closer to Rafael.

Something felt off; the hairs on the back of Rafael’s neck stood on end as he took a cautious step back. “What did you find?” he asked, trying to sound calm.

“You never did tell me the reason why Benson left New York,” Hank shrugged.

“I figured she would have,” Rafael muttered.

“What were you doing for the past two years?” Hank questioned, “I mean, why would a wife such as Olivia Benson take off without her husband?”

“I told you…” Rafael stuttered. Hank was much closer now; close enough to smell his breath, “I was otherwise indisposed.”

Hank suddenly leapt forward, putting his arm hard on Rafael’s chest as he pinned him to the wall behind; for a split-second Rafael saw Carter standing before him. His heart started to race as he searched Hank’s face for any clue of what was going on but after a brief moment, he didn’t have to.

“You were in prison,” Hank frowned, “You didn’t think to tell me that?”

“It was none of your concern,” Rafael panted.

“You’re the reason she left New York isn’t it?” Hank huffed, “You were a threat.”

“No,” Rafael sighed, “No I wasn’t.”

“That’s why you’re looking for her,” Hank muttered, “You’re looking to hurt her. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted some dirty lawyer.”

“Dirty?” Rafael laughed, “That’s rich coming from you! How’s the hypocrisy taste?”

“At least I own up to what I’ve done,” Hank growled.

“I didn’t hurt anyone, I was exonerated,” Rafael sighed, “Just ask anyone from New York.. Hell, ask the prosecution or the DA himself.”

He watched Rafael closely with each word he spoke; looking for a lie, a slip… but when he couldn’t find one; he sighed, “Just tell me why you want to find her.”

“I just want see my family again,” Rafael mumbled; the truth felt freeing for a moment then the loneliness set in and his heart began to ache. She did this to him yet he still wanted her.

As Rafael spoke, Hank saw something in his eyes, a hint of pain instead of the anger he usually saw. Hank slowly nodded as he finally let go of Rafael; he watched Rafael as he straightened himself out; “I believe you,” Hank mumbled.

“Oh good,” Rafael growled; rolling his eyes, “Glad I could convince you… I feel so much better now.”

“Don’t get snarky,” Hank frowned as he walked down the alleyway, “I just wanted to make sure you’re being honest with me. I like Olivia and I don’t want to put her in danger.”

“I don’t care,” Rafael huffed as he followed.

It fell into a tense silence as Hank turned towards the door; “Why don’t you come in?”

“Only if you’re buying,” Rafael shrugged, “I could use a drink.”

“Deal,” Hank nodded.

Rafael followed Hank towards the main door of Molly’s; when they reached the door, Rafael remembered how late it was, “I don’t think their open.”

“I know the owners,” Hank mumbled, “They’re open.”

“Oh good… Buddies from the ‘Good Old Days’?” Rafael questioned.

Hank frowned as he turned to face Rafael, “Don’t bring that attitude in here.”

Rafael held his hands up, open, in front of his chest; “Don’t shoot.”

Rolling his eyes, Hank opened the door, “Pick a seat and I’ll order our drinks, beer okay?”

Walking through the door, Rafael replied, “Scotch would be better.”.

“Okay,” Hank nodded, following Rafael inside.

After a few steps inside, they both went their separate ways; Rafael could help but walk slowly as he looked around this wooden bar. There were memorabilia hanging on the walls throughout but the fairy-lights hanging from the ceiling caught Rafael’s attention as he walked towards a booth. Just before he sat down, he took off his overcoat and tossed it neatly on the space next to him. A few minutes after he sat down, Hank joined him; he handed Rafael his drink as he sat down.

“Thanks,” Rafael sighed. He brought his drink to his lips; the smell filled his nose as he took a sip. It had been a while since Rafael had a drink and he relished in the warm, burning sensation running down his throat. As he lowered his drink, he muttered, “God it’s been a while.”

“Would have thought you’d have a drink long before now,” Hank mumbled as he drank his beer.

“Wasn’t my top priority,” Rafael shrugged, placing his drink on the table. Rafael lowered his gaze to his arms and began to neatly fold his sleeves up.

Hank watched him roll up his left sleeve then move to his right; while Rafael was preoccupied, Hank noticed a thin, white, scar running down the inside of Rafael’s left forearm. Hank couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Is that another one?”

“Hmm?” Rafael absentmindedly replied.

“Is that something that cop left behind?” Hank clarified.

Still confused, Rafael lifted his gaze to Hank to find him staring at something; following Hank’s stare, Rafael lowered his gaze to his arm, “Oh,” he sighed, “You’re asking if Carter gave this to me?”

“Yeah,” Hank replied.

“No,” Rafael muttered; picking up his drink, “He left a lot of scars but no, this one isn’t from him.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“Prison and I didn’t necessarily agree with each other,” Rafael whispered into his glass.

Reading Rafael’s body language, Hank realised he was uncomfortable, “I didn’t mean to pry but I thought you didn’t care about your scars… At least that’s what you give off.”

“It took me a long time but I’m not ashamed of the scars Carter left behind,” Rafael sighed, “But this one… I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Hank nodded, “Why don’t we talk about your wife instead?”

“What do you want to know?” Rafael sighed, “I’m sure you’ve dug up everything now.”

“Tell me what actually happened and why she left,” Hank shrugged, “If I know why she left maybe I can figure out where she went.”

“Yeah, okay,” Rafael nodded.

An hour and three drinks later; Rafael finally managed to make his way back to his hotel. Still unable to ease his mind enough to sleep, he ended up watching the TV until the sun came up. Not long after watching the sunrise, Rafael had managed to get a few hours of sleep.

 

Rafael found himself staying in Chicago for much longer than he wished; as the months passed without any sign of Olivia, he only got more determined to find her. He spent most of his time waiting for a call from Hank but the longer he stayed in the unfamiliar city the more he found himself in search for some sort of connection. He’d visit Ruth once a week, on a few particularly hard weeks, he’d visit her a few times. It was during one of these hard weeks, Rafael found himself thinking as he walked back to his dingy hotel room after seeing Ruth. His mind couldn’t escape the thought that Olivia was out there somewhere and he was stuck without a clue. Deciding he could no longer just stand on the sidelines, he called a cab and made his way to Hank’s precinct.  

Fifteen minutes later, Rafael was walking through the doors of the precinct. He gave a single nod to Trudy as he walked towards the fenced gate just before the stairs. He saw the glare she gave him; it had been like that since their first encounter but Rafael had hope he wouldn’t be here for much longer. Today, she made him wait at the bottom of the stairs until he turned to her with a frown of his own. She shot him a sarcastic smile before rolling her eyes and getting up from her desk; a few short moments later she opened the gate and Rafael brushed past her. Rafael rushed up the stairs without a word; he went straight towards Hank’s office, walking past everyone. He felt their eyes watching him but his mind was too preoccupied with Olivia to care.

“You can’t go in there,” Ruzek mumbled.

Rafael ignored him and quickly opened the door to Hank’s office; he was surprised to find Hank sitting relaxed behind his desk with some other man sitting in front of him. Both men slowly turned their gaze towards Rafael; feeling uncomfortable, Rafael just looked back, unable to find any words. Whatever he interrupted seemed important by the frown on the stranger’s face; it wasn’t long until Rafael figured out the man was a lawyer.

“Are we done here?” Hank’s gravelly voice breaking the silence.

The man tore his gaze from Rafael and looked back at Hank, “For now but I will have further questions.”

“When don’t you?” Hank muttered, “You’ve got to stop treating me like-”

“A dirty cop?” The man frowned as he stood up, “You’ll always be one.”

Rafael felt awkward just standing there, watching the way this man spoke to Hank; he could see the disdain Hank had for this lawyer by the obvious scowl. Rafael had to fight against his laugh; he had seen that look many times throughout his career but for once it wasn’t directed at him. Rafael was drawn from his thoughts when the man in the suit brushed past Rafael, hitting his shoulder. He watched the man walk away as he closed the door; once it was shut, he turned to Hank to find him already watching him.

“What are you doing here?” Hank growled.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Rafael sighed, “I just… Is there any news?”

“I told you I would call you if I found anything,” Hank frowned.

“I’m tired of waiting,” Rafael growled, “It’s been months! I thought you were good at your job.”

“It’s not easy to find someone who doesn’t want to be found,” Hank shrugged, “It’s a lot harder with the State’s Attorney breathing down my neck.”

“That who that was?” Rafael frowned.

Hank nodded, “Peter Stone. We have history.”

“I gathered that much,” Rafael muttered, “Look, I’m sorry I interrupted but I need to find her. I’ve already missed my boy’s birthday and I’m getting a little stir crazy just wandering the streets doing nothing. I can’t handle another week of not knowing.”

“I’m working as fast as I can,” Hank sighed.

“Surely there’s something new,” Rafael urged taking a few steps towards Hank.

Hank leaned forward, placing both elbows on his desk, “As I told you, I’ve tracked her from Chicago to Baltimore then found a trace of her in Atlanta but after that it’s as if she completely disappeared.”

“She’s somewhere,” Rafael sighed, “I’ve got to find them soon.”

“Well it would help if you gave me something to work with,” Hank mumbled, “Did she ever mention anywhere? A place she wanted to visit or somewhere she has family?”

“She doesn’t have family,” Rafael muttered. “She wouldn’t take Noah out of the country to live and other than that we only…” he drifted off.

“What?” Hank questioned; watching Rafael’s eyes judder back and forth in search for something. “What did you remember?”

Rafael slowly nodded, “Try looking in Florida.”

“Why?”

“I told her years ago that when she retired that we should move to Miami,” Rafael mumbled, “I didn’t think she’d go without me.”

“Okay,” Hank sighed, “I think I’ve got a connection still living in Miami, I’ll see what I can do.”

“She’s got to be there,” Rafael mumbled, “If she’s not…”

“We’ll find her,” Hank reassured, “Don’t worry, you’ll see your family again.”

“I can’t keep waiting,” Rafael sighed.

 

The next day Rafael received a call from Hank confirming that Olivia was somewhere in Miami. Without hesitation, he booked the next flight out and left Chicago; he was glad to be out of the cold and windy city. By the time the day turned to night Rafael found himself in a nice hotel in Miami; after the places he’s been living in he was glad to have the welcome change of a 4-star hotel.

After being stuck in his hotel in Miami for a few days, Rafael decided it was time to put his search on hold. When he was a kid, his mother used to tell him about this little family run Cuban restaurant in town; _It was almost like we were home,_ he remembered her smiling.

With a quick web search, he found that the restaurant was still open but on the other side of the city. After a deep breath Rafael got up from his comfortable bed and made his way to his wardrobe; there wasn’t a whole lot to choose from so he pulled out his black suit and got dressed. A few minutes later, he placed his wallet and phone into his pockets and started out the door. Once he reached the sidewalk, he hailed a cab and got in; after telling the Cabbie the address, Rafael sat slumped against the backseat of the car as he watched his hotel slowly disappear from view. They both sat in silence except for the radio; after 15 minutes _Can’t take my eyes off you by Frankie Valli_ began to play. It took a while for the song to reach Rafael, who had zoned out as he watched everything zoom past the window. Once it hit the chorus, Rafael’s mind filled with memories of him singing this song to Olivia. With a heavy sigh, he turned his head, “Change the song.”

“What?” the Cabbie said surprised. “Everyone likes this one.”

“I didn’t say…” Rafael muttered, “Just change it.”

“Come on man,” the cabbie sighed.

Rafael shook his head as he turned his gaze back to the window; after a few long seconds, he suddenly said, “Pull over.”

“Over a song?” the Cabbie frowned. “Here I’ll turn it off,” he grumbled as he muted the stereo.

“No, pull over,” Rafael growled. “I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

Slowly pulling the cab to the curb; the Cabbie sighed, “You’re a few miles out and dressed like that you’re not going to make it very far.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Rafael muttered as he paid his fare.

After leaving the cab, Rafael immediately began to regret his decision to get out; in his haste to escape his thoughts of Olivia, he had completely forgotten about the heatwave. He stood still, watching the cab leave, as he contemplated on continuing his journey or just heading back to his hotel. Undecided, he just started to aimlessly walk around the city. An hour of walking around, Rafael felt the sweat rolling down his face; he was sure his face was red as he drew in a few weak breaths. Desperately wanting a break from walking, he strolled towards the park just a block ahead. As he stood at the edge of the park, he realised his current attire was not suited for the Miami heat; the Cabbies voice echoing in his head. He couldn’t remember why he decided to wear his black suit but he was thankful he decided against wearing a tie. He took a few deep breaths as he looked around; he wasn’t sure if it was the heat that was getting to him or his own wishful thinking but as he stood there looking out on the field, he saw this boy running around with a little girl. As he watched them play, Rafael thought the boy was Noah; he was about to shake his head and be on his way when he noticed a woman sitting on the bench laughing. All of a sudden, he realised it wasn’t the heat, that was Olivia; he didn’t need convincing, he had memorised everything about her _._ Rafael drew a deep breath as he wiped the sweat off his face as he started to walk towards them. 

*

Olivia was laughing as she watched Noah play but something up the field caught her eye. All of a sudden, she felt the colour draining from her face; her heart began to race in her chest as she watched a man walk towards her. Unable to move, she kept her eyes glued to him; his hair was greyer and he now had a slight beard running along his jawline and around his mouth, but that was undeniably Rafael Barba.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia sat in a trance, her eyes glued to Rafael, as he slowly approached them; her head started to spin as she was overcome with emotions ranging from guilt to happiness. She noticed the way he powered towards her and immediately understood that what was about to happen wasn’t going to be her long-awaited happy reunion. While she was lost in her trance, the man she was with startled her when he placed a soft hand on her shoulder; “Are you okay?” he asked.

Her heart skipped a beat as she teared her gaze away from Rafael; “W-what?” she mumbled. She slowly turned towards the man, who was much younger than herself, and sighed, “Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, sounding concerned, as he watched her gaze drift off towards the kids. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

With a deep breath, Olivia looked back down the field towards Rafael, “Because I have,” she whispered.

Seeing how distracted Olivia was acting, the man followed her gaze and saw a strange man in a suit walking towards them. Without thinking, he said, “I’ll go deal with it.”

Olivia sat quietly as she watched the man walk away; she knew Rafael wasn’t going to like it but she was frozen. As she watched the two of them get closer together, her stomach began to twist in knots; she knew she had to do something, Rafael was looking angrier by the second. With a deep sigh, she turned to Noah and said, “I’ll be right back… Look after your sister.”

Noah gave a quick nod before going back to laughing as he chased the little girl around the field. Happy with his response, Olivia slowly got up and started her own way towards Rafael.

* 

Maybe it was the heat, the sight of Olivia or even the strange man that was walking towards him, perhaps a mix of it all, but with each passing step Rafael felt his anger growing; as if he had just relived every day for the past few years all at once. Looking past the oncoming man, Rafael kept his eyes glued to Olivia; he saw the way she just sat there, watching him. _What? After all these years, am I not good enough for her? After what she’s done to me!_ he thought. He tried pushing away his angry thoughts but they only worsened when he turned his gaze to the man. Everything about this stranger annoyed Rafael, from his board shorts to his shaggy blonde hair; but perhaps it wasn’t the man at all that was annoying Rafael but the fact that he was here with Olivia to begin with. Rafael had been hoping to see Olivia just as miserable as he had been but the idea of her being happy and moving on, only served to make him angrier.   

Now close enough to speak to the stranger, Rafael snarled, “Get lost.”

“Who are you?” the stranger questioned; stopping just in front of Rafael. “If you’re here to cause a scene then we don’t want it.”

Rafael’s face fell void of emotion but just below the surface, he felt his anger consuming him; “I’ll be talking to my wife so get out of my way.”

“Wife?” the man frowned, “She’s not-“

Olivia rushed over, her eyes locking with Rafael’s; making them both stop dead in their tracks. After a few long seconds, Olivia panted, “Why don’t you go watch them.”

“Are you sure?” the man sighed.

Rafael frowned, “She told you to get lost… The adults need time to speak.”

“Please,” she mumbled looking at the man. When he didn’t move, Olivia gave a quick reassuring smile, “I’ll be fine, but someone has to be watching them.”

“Okay,” he nodded, “Call out if you need anything.”

They both remained quiet until the other man was away from earshot. Olivia looked at Rafael as she waited; it had been years since she had seen him but he never once left her mind. She stared at him, taking in as much as she could before the inevitable conversation started; the beard was new to her but it made him look more distinguished along with the grey flecks through it. As she moved along his face, she noticed the scar running down his face was no longer hidden behind layers of make-up; after seeing that a thought occurred, _He was no longer the man she left behind._ With a deep breath she moved to his beautiful green eyes and saw the fire burning inside them but she didn’t care, she was just relieved to see he was okay.

Rafael stood there staring at Olivia; he couldn’t help but take in a few details. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, it stopped just past her shoulders with a few highlights that glistened in the sun. She was wearing shorts with a loosely fitted shirt which showed off her newly found tan. While he looked at her, he couldn’t escape the thought that while he was stuck in a cell, she was out here basking in the sun, enjoying life. Once he knew the man was out of earshot, he broke the silence, “Who the hell is that?” he said; sounding more aggressive than he wanted.

“Adam just helps with-“ Olivia began.

“Oh good, your boy toy has a name,” Rafael growled.

“Rafael please don’t,” she sighed.

“You know you’re married right?” Rafael frowned.

“I know,” she nodded.

“Does he?” he huffed, “He seemed pretty shocked.”

“He didn’t,” she sighed.

“Of course not,” Rafael mumbled, rolling his eyes. “Would have thought he was a bit young for your tastes… but then I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Olivia frowned, “You don’t get to show up all of sudden and-“

“I have more than earnt my right to be pissed off,” Rafael interrupted. “You left me to rot!”

“I had no choice,” she mumbled.

“I don’t care,” he huffed as he took a few steps forward.

Olivia froze, unsure of what he was going to do; when he stepped around her, she raised her eyebrow, “Where are you going?”

“To see my son,” he muttered.

Olivia automatically grabbed his arm, stopping him, “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”

Rafael quickly turned back to her and snarled, “Are you really going to stop me from seeing him?”

“No,” Olivia sighed, letting go of his arm, “No I wouldn’t do that.”

“Again,” Rafael added. “You wouldn’t do that again.”

“Rafael, please don’t drag him into this right now,” she begged.

“We’re still married and I’m still Noah’s adoptive father,” Rafael frowned, “I will file for visitation if I have to.”

“There’s no need,” Olivia sighed, “I’m not going to stop you from seeing him but we should talk first. They don’t need to see us… like this.”

Rafael rolled his eyes as he looked towards the two kids playing around; his heart warmed as he watched Noah laugh without a care in the world. He missed his son but Olivia was right, they needed to talk first, so with a heavy heart he turned around and sighed, “Fine.”

“I’m really sorry-“

“I should hate you for what you’ve done to me,” Rafael growled, “And for a very long time I did, you betrayed me. Because of you, I spent two and half years locked in a cage but worse than you had me believe I killed my son. Which I really should commend you on your brilliant performance.”

“If there was any other way,” Olivia sighed, “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You didn’t even try,” he huffed, “There’s always another way but you didn’t look.”

“I wasn’t going to risk Noah’s life,” she frowned. “Look at yourself Rafael, you’ve personally seen what Carter can do and I didn’t want that for my son.”

Rafael paused; flashbacks of his encounters with Carter jumping rapidly through his mind. He forced himself to push those memories aside as he took a deep breath; unable to stop himself, he said, “What you did to me was worse.” As soon as the words left his lips, he saw the hurt look on Olivia’s face but something in him wanted to continue. “You saw that I was falling apart and took advantage of that,” he growled, “I was struggling mentally but you pushed me over the edge and I stayed there for a very long time.” Rafael paused when the shine of a fallen tear glistened on Olivia’s cheek; the sight of which only added to Rafael’s anger. Rolling his eyes, he grumbled, “Don’t cry for me now. I needed you and like everyone else, you turned your back on me-

As they spoke; the little girl ran up behind Rafael, “Mommy?”

Rafael suddenly stopped in the middle of his sentence; his eyes widened, “Mommy?” he said confused. He quickly glanced down at the little girl then looked back at Olivia as he asked, “You adopted again?”

She quickly whipped her eyes as she sniffled, “No,” before kneeling down in front of the girl.

Rafael stood quietly as he watched them both; this time he paid more attention to the young girl. As he looked at her, he guessed she was two, maybe three, years old; she had long brown hair that was in a messy braid, little chubby cheeks and beautiful green eyes just like his but Rafael’s anger was blinding him to something that should have been obvious.  

“Mommy, I wanna gooo,” the little girl grumbled.

Olivia cleared her throat before softly saying, “Please just go play with your brother. We’ll go home soon.”

“Fiiine,” the girl said with a big sigh.

When the girl ran away, Olivia stood up and faced Rafael to find he was already watching her with a confused expression. With a sigh of her own, she said, “She’s my daughter.”

“Who…” Rafael whispered.

“Rafael,” she said quietly.

“Who’s the father?” he asked firmly.

Olivia hesitated; unsure of how he was going to react, she mumbled, “Please don’t do this now. You’re angry-”

Rafael’s heart dropped, “She’s not mine, is she?” He watched as Olivia stared blankly at him; “Just don’t tell me she’s… Adam’s,” he said; twisting his face as he said the other man’s name.

“Raf, she’s not Adam’s,” she paused. After a short moment of thought Olivia began, “She’s-“

“You know what,” he growled, “I don’t want to know who you’ve been sleeping around with. Just tell me her name.”

“Luc..y“ Olivia hesitated, “Her name is Lucy.”

“Lucy,” he repeated.

As Rafael stood there thinking about Lucy; he couldn’t escape the thought that she wasn’t his and that just made his blood boil. He was about to lose control of his temper and yell at Olivia when someone behind him yelled; “RAFI!”

“I’m not done talking about this,” Rafael huffed as he turned around. He was surprised to find Noah running full speed at him with the biggest grin on his face; it had been a very long time since Rafael saw someone this excited to see him. He quickly knelt down with his hands open and ready to embrace the boy. It had been so long since he saw Noah, he couldn’t help but smile and let go of all his anger.

“Dad!” Noah beamed as he ran into Rafael’s arms.

As Rafael took Noah in his arms, he stood up and spun around as he pulled Noah close to him; the boy’s laugh filling him with so much love and happiness. Both of which Rafael had struggled to feel in the last 3 years.

“God, I’ve missed you, kiddo,” Rafael whispered.

Wrapping his arms tightly around Rafael’s neck, Noah mumbled, “I knew you’d come back.”

“You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you,” Rafael laughed.

 

Olivia watched as Rafael and Noah hugged; the sight just filled her with happiness, finally her son had his father back. As she watched them, Adam walked up to her side, holding the kid’s bags, “I’m sorry, he kinda just got away from me.”

“It’s okay,” Olivia said with a slight smile; not taking her eyes off her son. The grin on her son’s face was the biggest she had seen in a very long time and filled her with hope; maybe one day, he’d smile like that with her again. “Adam, you can go home,” she found herself saying.

“Are you sure?” he questioned, “I can help you get them home.”

Olivia opened her mouth to say something but before anything could come out, her daughter caught her attention as she ran up with her arms out, “Mommy? Are goin’ home?”

Picking up Lucy, Olivia nodded, “We sure are.”

Placing the bags on the ground, Adam sighed, “You’ve already paid me for the afternoon, are you sure you don’t want my help?”

Looking back at Rafael, she smiled, “No, their father is here. He’ll probably want to spend some time with them.”

“Okay,” Adam nodded, “Well give me a call when you need me again.”

“Thank you, Adam,” Olivia replied. As Adam walked away, Olivia called out to Noah, “Sweetie, we’re going home now.”

When Rafael gently placed him back on the ground, he turned to his mother, “Is Rafi coming?” Noah asked.

“You can ask him,” Olivia said, flicking her gaze between the two, “He’s more than welcome.”

“Pleeeease,” Noah said turning to Rafael with a cheesy smile.

“You kidding?” Rafael laughed, “Of course I’m coming with you!”

“Come get your bag and you can walk with Rafael,” Olivia said as she picked up Lucy’s bag.

 

Rafael and Noah spent the whole walk side-by-side, behind Olivia and Lucy; Rafael barely said anything as Noah told him story after story. From the time he caught a fish at the beach to the time came first in a big school race and everything in between. Everything Noah said filled Rafael with so much pride and happiness; which completely drowned out how hot he felt. By the time they reached Olivia’s home, Rafael’s cheeks were sore from smiling and laughing alongside Noah. When they reached the door, Rafael waited with Noah until Olivia unlocked the door and held it open for both kids. After they ran inside; Olivia paused in the doorway, “Do you want to come inside? Perhaps take off that jacket of yours, you must be dying in this heat.”

Rafael looked past Olivia and down the hallway; he felt like he was drowning in uncharted waters. He had been waiting for this moment for years but now that it’s here, he couldn’t escape the thought that he didn’t belong here anymore. Hearing the kids squealing in the background brought Rafael back into the moment; with a heavy sigh, he mumbled, “You know, it’s funny. I’ve spent the last six months trying to find you and here I am at your front door and I can’t seem to find the will to go inside.”

“Don’t force yourself,” Olivia comforted, “How about lunch tomorrow? That way we can talk about the last few years properly instead without the heat of the moment.”

Feeling like lunch was too formal or rather too much like a date; Rafael muttered, “I think drinks would be more appropriate.”

“I know a bar a few blocks from here. Is 2:30 okay with you?” she asked. “I’ve got to get a few things organised with the kids before I can go.”

“Yeah that’s fine,” he sighed. He pulled out his phone and passed it to Olivia, “That’s my number, just message me the details and I’ll be there.”

Olivia quickly copied his number into her phone before handing it back, “See you then,” she smiled.

“I hope so,” he mumbled under his breath. “Bye Olivia,” he added as he turned on his heels.

Not long after Rafael left, Noah ran back to the door, “Where’s Rafi?”

“He had to go,” Olivia replied, closing the door behind herself, “But don’t worry you’ll see him again soon.”

“Why’d he leave?” Noah mumbled, “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Olivia sighed, “Why don’t you go play in your room or with your sister while I get dinner ready?”

“Fine,” Noah pouted as he walked away.

  

The next afternoon, Rafael sat at the bar, nursing his third drink, as he waited for Olivia to arrive. As time slowly ticked by, he stared at the gold liquid in his glass while he gently ran his finger around the rim. It was nearing 3 when Rafael heard the door open; he sat up straight and his eyes immediately moved to the door but he was disappointed to see it was just another stranger walking in. He let out a deep sigh as he slumped back into his chair and took a swig of his scotch; he was beginning to think she wasn’t going to show. A few minutes later the door opened again and Rafael slowly moved his gaze towards it to find Olivia standing in the doorway. His heart fluttered in his chest while his stomach began to twist itself into knots; he hated feeling torn. He wanted to love and forgive her but he hated it at the same time; he wished he could just make up his mind on what to feel. He watched as she started towards him but just before she reached him, he turned back to his drink and effortlessly swallowed the rest.

Stopping just short of him, Olivia calmly said, “I’m sorry I’m late. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

“Just long enough,” he mumbled.

She drew a deep breath as she looked around the room; “Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private? How about the booth over there?”

Rafael gave a quick nod, “Okay.” Olivia left first, making her way towards the booth in the corner; with a sigh, Rafael slowly stood up and caught the attention of the bartender. “I’m going to need another,” he sighed.

Nodding, the bartender looked past him as he asked, “You want anything else this time?”

Rafael followed the man’s gaze and saw Olivia sitting in the booth; “Yeah, alright,” he mumbled, “Glass of red wine… we’ll be over there.”

“Got it,” the man said as he turned away.

Rafael took a deep breath before joining Olivia; as he slowly sat opposite her, he sighed, “I got you a glass of red, I hope that’s okay.”

“Thank you,” she smiled softly. Olivia watched as Rafael actively avoided eye contact with her; in an attempt to get a conversation going, she sighed, “I’m sorry I’m late.”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled.

“Lucy wouldn’t get out of the bath,” Olivia explained, “And it didn’t help that Adam was late-“

“I said it’s fine,” he growled after hearing the other man’s name.

Taken back by his sudden aggression, Olivia slumped back into her chair and watched as Rafael leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. Not liking the idea of just sitting in silence until Rafael was ready to talk, she tried to start a conversation again, “It’s good to see you in something other than that suit of yours.”

Rafael looked down at the short-sleeved shirt he was wearing; despite still being in long jeans, he had to admit that it was a lot cooler than the suit he wore the day before. “Yeah, well I’m kinda limited to what I can wear at the moment,” he mumbled.

“Well once you get settled, I can help you get the rest of your things here,” she suggested.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he started to look around the room again, “Don’t have anything else.”

“What?” Olivia questioned, “You have a whole storage unit-“

“No, I don’t,” he grumbled, “Sold it.”

“All of it?” she said confused, “Why?”

“I didn’t need any of it,” he shrugged, “It was only a reminder of who I used to be.”

“Rafael, you’re still-“

“Just,” he sighed, “Stop talking.” The table fell into silence as Rafael continued to avoid eye contact; he was afraid if he looked at her and started speaking, he would lose control of his temper. Tapping his finger on the table, he looked around the room and spotted the bartender walking towards them, “Oh thank god,” he whispered.

Olivia watched as Rafael took his drink before the man could even place it on the table; he closed his eyes as he took a swig. She gave a small smile as the bartender placed her wine on the table but when he left, she turned back to the man in front of her, “Rafael,” she mumbled.

Placing his drink on the table; he finally turned his gaze to her, “Yeah, I know.”

“You’re going to have to start talking to me at some point,” she sighed.

With a deep sigh, he whispered, “Why?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you,” Olivia replied.

“Why?” he growled, much louder than intended. When Olivia showed a confused expression on her face, Rafael sighed, “Why’d you leave me?”

“I risked everything just to show you that Noah was still alive,” Olivia sighed, “I was worried word would get back to Carter and he’d be after us.”

“Watching you leave like that broke my heart,” Rafael mumbled.

“I never meant to hurt you,” Olivia said softly as she reached for his hand.

When Rafael felt her soft fingers on his skin, he slowly moved out of her reached; “If that was true you never would have let me believe I killed our son,” he replied bitterly.

“I had no choice,” she whispered.

“Everything you did was a choice!” he snarled. The whole bar seemed to quiet down for a few seconds as everyone turned to him; he picked up his drink and took a sip as he waited for the bar to return into indistinguishable chatter. As he placed his drink back on the table, he drew a deep breath, “You keep saying you didn’t have a choice but that’s not true. You made every decision without me and yet I seem to be the only one who’s affected by them.”

“Only one who’s been affected?” Olivia frowned. “Really?”

“Well look around,” he growled, “Which one of us has just spent the last three years trying to survive and which one has spent them basking in the sun on the beach.”

Shaking her head, Olivia mumbled, “It wasn’t like that.”

“I just spent the last 6 months in Chicago, trying to track you down… You certainly didn’t make it easy for me,” Rafael grumbled. “But to find you here, in Miami of all places, for god sake Olivia. That was meant to be our dream.”

“It’s my reality,” she sighed.

Rafael clenched his jaw as he looked at her; “It could have been mine too if you had helped me.”

“I did what I could,” she mumbled as she picked up her wine.

“If you had come back to New York it wouldn’t have taken me 2 and a half years to get out,” he growled.

“I had no choice-“

Rafael rolled his eyes, “There it is again.”

“It’s not been easy for me either Rafael,” she frowned. “It took me so long to feel comfortable enough to make friends with anyone. I was afraid that despite being in a completely different city that Carter still could get to me and I had a new born to think about as well as Noah.”

“What do you want from me?” he mumbled, “A congratulations, you made it?”

“I want you to understand,” she sighed. “The year I lived in Chicago, I had no routine, never held the same job for more than 3 months until I ran into Voight. Poor Noah moved schools a few times and he sadly lost some friends because of it. I was alone-“

“You made sure of that,” he grumbled.

Clearing her throat, Olivia continued, “All my years of being a cop made me very aware of my surroundings and the possibility of being found… So every day, I took different streets, some days it took me half an hour to do a fifteen-minute drive. Then one afternoon, I noticed a strange unmarked car following me, every turn I made… they followed. When I finally thought I lost them, I went home but there they were… Waiting for me. I had the kids in the back seat and that was the moment it dawned on me that my life was never going to be the same again.”

“If only I knew how that felt,” he said sarcastically; grabbing his glass again.

Olivia sighed, “I’m sorry for how things went but I only did what I thought was best for Noah.”

“You could have told me he was alive,” he said into his drink. Finishing off his fourth drink, he muttered, “I thought we were a team but I guess I was just kidding myself.”

“Please, Rafael don’t do that,” she whispered. She watched him carefully as he began to look around the room again; feeling him grow distant, she sipped at her wine and let the conversation die.

After five minutes of dead silence between them, Rafael finally said something, “Can I ask why you stopped writing me?”

“Remember the car that followed me in Chicago,” Olivia sighed, “After I saw that, I wasn’t sure how they found me so I dropped everything and moved as fast as I could.”

“Oh,” he nodded; feeling numb, “For a while I thought you were just ignoring me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I wrote like three letters to you until I got a reply from a lovely old lady who moved into your Chicago home,” he sighed.

“Oh?” Olivia whispered; guilt beginning to settle in the pit of her stomach.

“Ruth… that was her name,” he smiled a little. “She replied to one of my letters to you saying she didn’t have a forwarding address but she wouldn’t mind if I became her pen pal.” He paused as he laughed a little, “It would have been funny if it didn’t mean you had abandoned me.”

Olivia wasn’t sure how to reply; for the most part he was right, she had abandoned him because it was too hard to face what she did. As much as she loved him, listening to everything he had to say just made the sick feeling in her stomach grow.

“I spent a lot of time with her in Chicago,” he sighed, “But after a few months, she just reminded me of the fact that I wasn’t with my family.”

“You’re here now,” Olivia croaked; her voice very weak.

“Mmm,” Rafael nodded.

They both sat there, feeling emotionally drained, for a while until Olivia managed to whisper, “What was it like?”

“What? Prison?” he frowned. When she nodded, he scoffed, “Now you want to know what it was like?”

“I’m just trying to make conversation,” she sighed.

“It’s not some fucking holiday,” he growled. He paused as glanced down to the inside of his left forearm; staring at the scar running down his arm, he softly spoke, “It was a lot harder than I was expecting.”

“I don’t know what to say,” she mumbled, watching his demeanour shift from anger to something else… something darker.

Slowly removing his arm from the table, he sighed, “It doesn’t matter now.”

“I tried to make it as easy for you as I could,” she tried to comfort, “I made a deal with Casey.”

“Oh, so I owe you for my protective custody?” he muttered, “I really wish you didn’t do that.”

“I wasn’t just going to watch you go to prison without protection,” she sighed, “I know it wasn’t much but it was the best I could do.”

“I guess you forgot or maybe it was your plan all alone,” Rafael muttered.

“What are you on about?” Olivia frowned.

“Carter had protective custody too,” he grumbled.

“That shouldn’t have mattered, you went to a different prison,” Olivia said confused.

“Yeah, until my transfer to Ryker’s,” he sighed.

“Transfer?” she said shocked; placing a hand over her mouth, “I didn’t hear about any transfers.”

“Maybe if you didn’t cut everyone off you would have,” he said bitterly.

“What happened when you were there?” she asked; closing her eyes, imagining the worst.

“I spent more time in the infirmary than I would have liked,” he paused as he smirked to himself, “But so did Carter.”

“What?” Olivia frowned, snapping her eyes open, “They didn’t separate you two?”

“Not at first,” he shook his head, “But when it looked like one of us was going to end up killing the other, they moved Carter to gen pop. I’m just lucky the warden had a thing for me.”

“I’m so sorry, I really am,” Olivia whispered in complete shock.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he slowly stood up from his seat, “I’m done talking about this now,” he muttered. He dug through his pockets until he found his wallet; “This should cover my tab,” he sighed placing a few bills on the table. He saw that Olivia wanted to say something but couldn’t quite form a sentence. Shrugging it off he was about to walk away when he remembered the one thing he actually wanted to talk about; “Oh, right,” he mumbled, “I want to take Noah.”

Olivia sat there, staring up at her husband, feeling completely winded as he spoke; “W-what?” she said breathlessly.

“Tomorrow, I want him for the whole day and night,” Rafael sighed.

“I don’t…” she mumbled.

He placed his hands flat on the table as he leaned closer to her; “Come on Liv,” he muttered, “It’s one night. I just want to spend some quality time with him. I missed his 10th birthday.”

“Just him?” Olivia asked.

“Yes.”

“What about Lucy?”

“What about her?” Rafael frowned.

“You can’t pretend she doesn’t exist,” Olivia sighed.

“She’s your daughter,” he sighed, “So I’ll make an effort to be in her life but right now my priority is my son.”

Olivia gave a small nod as she drew a deep breath, “If Noah wants to go, I won’t stop him.”

“Thank you,” Rafael smiled a little before turning on his heels and leaving the bar.

   
The for the rest of the afternoon and most of the night, Rafael was too anxious to do anything but sit restlessly by his mobile phone in his hotel room. His mind jumping back and forth for hours; _What if Noah doesn’t want to? Of course, he wants to, did you see him yesterday?_ After spending months trying to find his family, the wait to see if his son even wanted to spend time with him was making him anxious, which made his heart race and occasionally he found it hard to breath. As the night dragged slowly to 8’oclock, his phone finally rang and he was told that Noah was ecstatic to see him tomorrow. The phone call was only short and once he got the answer he had been waiting for, he hung up. With a huge weight lifted off his chest, Rafael spent what was left of his evening trying to sleep.

 

The next day, Rafael went to pick Noah up from Olivia’s house around lunchtime but when he got there, he was surprised when Noah ran out and tightly hugged him. Too excited, Noah didn’t even realise he had forgotten his backpack until Olivia came to the door holding it. After the hug broke, Rafael took a few steps and took the bag from Olivia, “Thanks.”

“Be careful,” Olivia said looking down at Noah.

“I will,” Noah mumbled as he rolled his eyes.

“Liv, if you can trust Adam with him then you should be able to trust me,” Rafael sighed, “I’m not going to let history repeat itself.”

“I know,” she nodded, “Have fun.” As the boys walked towards the curb, she called out to both of them, “I love you.”

Noah smiled as he looked over his shoulder, while Rafael seemed unphased or blissfully unaware that she was talking to him as well. As she watched them, she didn’t realise Lucy was with her until the little girl tried pushing her out of the way. “Wait,” Lucy mumbled, breaking free.

Olivia had to take a few quick steps as the little girl ran out of the house; once in reach, she picked her up, “Where do you think you’re going?” Olivia smiled.

“Wif Noah,” Lucy pouted. “He’s going wifout me.”

“Darling, it’s just going to be you and I tonight,” Olivia replied. “How about you wave bye to your brother?” Olivia saw a few tears in Lucy’s eyes as she watched her big brother walk away; when Noah looked back, Olivia smiled and started to wave, “Help me wave to him.”

Sniffling, Lucy joined in, “B-bye,” she whispered; but when Noah waved back her teary eyes were immediately replaced with a huge smile.

 

Half an hour and one cab ride later, Rafael and Noah were wandering a crowded shopping centre. As they walked side-by-side through the crowd, Rafael watched as Noah looked at every passing window; “See anything you like?” he questioned.

“Not really,” Noah mumbled, “Most of these are girl shops.”

“Perhaps there’s something for your sister there?” Rafael suggested.

“Only if it’s pink or sparkly,” Noah commented.

Rafael laughed, “Maybe we’ll leave her shopping to your mother.”

“Yeah,” Noah agreed, “You really don’t want to pick the wrong thing.”

Rafael had no idea what Noah meant by that but he had to fight his laughter as he imagined the sweet little girl he met the other day getting angry at Olivia in the middle of the shops because she had the wrong dress. Once the urge to laugh passed, he asked, “Do you like having a little sister?”

“I like it,” Noah nodded, “At first she couldn’t really do much but now that she’s older we play together and that’s fun.”

“Well that’s good,” Rafael replied.

“Yeah.”

Feeling the conversation begin to die, Rafael quickly asked the first thing that came to his mind, “How’s school going?”

Noah shrugged with one shoulder, “It’s fine.”

“Come on,” Rafael laughed a little as he playfully bumped Noah’s arm, “You gotta give me more than that.”

“I dunno,” Noah sighed. “It’s okay but we move around a lot which means, I’m always the new kid and...” he drifted off.

Rafael watched Noah carefully as he said, “Stop for a moment.” When Noah reluctantly stopped beside him, Rafael knelt down, placing both hands on his shoulders, “I want you to answer me honestly-“

“Please Rafi,” Noah sighed as he looked around the busy shopping centre. “You’re embarrassing me.”

“Probably and it won’t be the only time... That’s kinda my job,” Rafael smiled to lighten the mood before asking a serious question. “I want you to answer truthfully, are you being bullied?”

Noah crossed his arms as he lowered his head, “N-no,” he mumbled, “But I don’t have any friends.”

“Oh,” Rafael sighed.

“Don’t tell Mom,” he rushed, “I don’t want to upset her.”

“Noah,“ Rafael paused. Seeing how uncomfortable Noah was, Rafael pulled him into a hug and whispered, “You’re a good kid.”

With the shopping centre buzzing around them, Noah uncrossed his arms and wrapped them tightly around Rafael; after a moment Noah sniffled, “I’ve missed you.”

Hearing those words come from Noah warmed Rafael’s heart; he felt a big smile appear on his cheeks. After one tight squeeze of his arms, Rafael broke their hug; as he slowly stood up again, he tousled Noah’s hair, “Come on Kiddo, we better keep moving.”

Noah nodded as he quickly ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to fix it; which got a small laugh from Rafael. Soon after, they joined the moving crowds; Noah entered a slight jog here and there as he tried to keep up with Rafael. “Can I…” Noah sighed.

“What was that?” Rafael questioned as he looked over his shoulder.

“Nothing,” Noah muttered.

Rafael stopped and turned to the boy, “No, tell me.”

“I was just wondering… No, it’s stupid,” Noah frowned.

“Come on,” Rafael smiled gently, “What were you doing to say?”

With a deep breath, Noah rushed, “Can I get a piggyback ride?”

“You’re almost talking as fast as I do,” Rafael grinned. “Of course, I’ll carry you.”

Rafael knelt down and waited for Noah to walk around to his back; after a moment Noah jumped up and Rafael let out a deep ‘ _oof’_ ; much louder than he meant to. Once he gained his balance, he wrapped his arms around Noah’s legs and stood up; “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to do this if you keep growing,” Rafael laughed. “Maybe one day you’ll have to carry me.”

Noah giggled, “Yeah cause you’re ooooold!”

Rafael chuckled, “My hair might be grey but I’ve still got a few good years left in me.”

As shop after shop passed, Noah worked up the courage to break the silence that had fallen between them, “Hey?”

“Mmm?” Rafael said tilting his head a little higher to hear Noah better.

“Are you still going to be here when school starts again?” Noah asked.

“Would you like it if I was?” Rafael questioned.

“Yes!” Noah smiled.

Rafael felt Noah’s arms tighten slightly around his neck, as a smile of his own appeared, “Then you bet I’ll be here.”

“Do you think you could pick me up from schools sometimes?” Noah mumbled, “I’ve miss you picking me up.”

“Really?” Rafael asked, raising an eyebrow, “But I didn’t even get out of the car.”

“No but I didn’t care about that,” Noah replied. “I just liked spending time with you.”

Rafael’s heart skipped a beat as his smile grew even wider; at a loss of words, he forced himself to say something, “Well in that case, I’ll certainly try but I’ll have to talk to your mother.”

“Well she can’t stop you,” Noah mumbled under his breath, “Not anymore.”

Sensing some bitterness in Noah’s tone, he calmly said, “We’ll talk about it more when school gets closer.”

“Yeah, okay,” Noah replied. As a few more shops passed, Noah questioned, “Where are we going?”

“Well I figured I could use your help to pick out some new clothes for me and after that you get to pick whatever you want for your birthday,” Rafael answered. “How does that sound?”

“Whatever I want?” Noah questioned.

“Anything,” Rafael nodded, “But first, you have to help me.”

“Sounds good,” Noah smiled.

 

After spending twenty minutes weaving their way up and down isles of clothes, Noah called out, “How about this one?”

Rafael quickly turned away from the rack he was looking in to find Noah holding the ugliest short-sleeved shirt he’s ever seen. It was a mix of bright colours with some weird cat like creature coming out of the shirt pocket. Completely speechless, Rafael tried to say something but all he could manage was a vocalised sigh.

Noah laughed, “I think it’s cool, just try it on.”

“If you think this is cool then I’m going to have to teach you a thing or two about style,” Rafael commented.

Noah shrugged as he hid his smile, “Guess I’ll put it back, there’s no way you’d even try it.”

“Is that a challenge?” Rafael questioned, “Give it to me.”

Noah smirked as he handed the shirt to Rafael; “Change room’s over there,” he muttered gesturing across the floor.

Realising what Noah just did, Rafael couldn’t help but smile, “Looks like I could make a lawyer out of you yet.”

“Hurry up,” Noah giggled.

“Fine, I’m goin’,” Rafael laughed, holding up one hand, “Wait for me at the door.”

“Only if you show me,” Noah bargained.

“Deal,” Rafael nodded. A few minutes later, he emerged; it wasn’t long until Noah burst out laughing, “Well, I’m guessing it looks good then.”

“I love it,” Noah grinned. “It looks sooo funny.”

“Funny huh?” Rafael said looking down at the shirt.

“But it looks good,” Noah panted between his laughter.

“Oh yeah,” Rafael said sarcastically. However, after seeing the biggest grin on Noah’s face as he laughed was enough to convince him to buy the shirt; despite hating it.

They spent the fifteen minutes looking around the rest of the shop before making it to the counter; Rafael had found a few shorts, a couple of button-up T-shirts along with some more dress shirts and a pair of black board shorts. As they walked out of the store, Rafael turned to Noah and asked, “Are you hungry?”

“I could eat,” Noah shrugged.

While sitting in the food court; Rafael watched as Noah demolished the food on his plate, while his own remained untouched. It took him a few minutes to work up enough courage to break his silence; “C-can I ask you something?”

Noah nodded quickly as he swallowed the food in his mouth.

“Please be honest,” Rafael paused. After a deep breath, he asked, “Do you… like… Adam?”

“He’s okay,” Noah shrugged, “Sometimes he takes us places.”

“Oh,” Rafael nodded. As it fell into silence between them again, Rafael’s stomach began to twist when he couldn’t shake a thought, “Is he there all the time?”

“Not really,” Noah shook his head; picking up some more food, “Only when Mom goes out or we go somewhere like the beach.”

“Does…” Rafael hesitated. His mouth went dry as he asked, “Does your mother like him?” The fear of the answer was killing Rafael and it didn’t help that Noah was taking a while to respond.

Swallowing some more food, Noah sighed, “I dunno.”

His stomach dropped; despite being angry at Olivia, he still didn’t want to live without her. “Oh,” he said, barely audible. Minutes passed before he said anything again; “Once you finish eating, I think we should find that birthday present of yours.”

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Noah questioned.

Looking down at his plate, Rafael sighed, “No, I’m not hungry anymore.”

“Can I have your fries?”

Rafael gave a small smile as he pushed his plate towards Noah, “Of course.”

 

They spent the next few hours going in and out of several different stores until Noah found a little book store. He spent a while searching every book until he came across a familiar one, “I want this,” he said.

Rafael put down a book he had been looking at and walked over; he was surprised when Noah was holding one of the many law books he had in his office. “Are you sure?” he questioned, “Don’t you want something… a little easier to read?”

“No,” Noah shrugged, “When Mom was packing up your things, I snuck out one of your notebooks.”

“Really?” Rafael said puzzled, “Why would you do that?”

“At first it was just to feel close to you,” Noah mumbled, “But as I got older, I found it interesting to see how you used to work… I’ve read it like a million times.”

“I’m surprised you could,” Rafael remarked, “Half the time I can’t even follow what I was writing. But that’s probably not something you should be reading.”

“Too late,” Noah shrugged, “Can I get this? You said anything I wanted.”

“I know but your mother probably won’t like it,” Rafael sighed.

“Probably not,” Noah frowned as he slumped his shoulders, “Guess I’ll find something else.”

He watched as Noah placed it back on the shelf but just before it was neatly tucked away, Rafael took it, “I’ll buy it but it stays with me and you get to pick something else… Perhaps a more kid friendly book or a toy.”

“Deal,” Noah nodded.

They spent a little longer going in and out of a few more stores until Noah could finally decide on a toy robot. Rafael wasn’t sure if Noah actually wanted it or just wanted to go home by this point but a little tired himself, he wasn’t complaining. Noah seemed happy enough to have the robot so Rafael bought it and they started their journey through the shopping centre towards the cab parking; getting lost a few times before finding it.

 

An hour later, Rafael and Noah walked into the hotel lobby; Noah gawked at the red carpet, marble pillars and gold finishes all around. “You live here?” he asked.

“For now,” Rafael nodded.

“It’s so cool- Oh my god,” Noah rushed. He tugged on Rafael’s arm as he looked down the lobby, “There’s a pool! Can we go swimming?”

Stopping next to Noah, Rafael laughed, “Maybe next time.”

“Aww,” Noah sighed.

“You don’t have any swimmers,” Rafael reminded him.

“I guess,” Noah mumbled.

“Come on,” Rafael said tapping him on the shoulder; “We can go up to my room and order anything you want off the menu.”

“Anything?” Noah questioned.

“You bet,” Rafael nodded, “Plus, I’ve got something for you.”

“Oh? What is it?” he asked, following Rafael towards the elevator.

“You’re just going to have to wait,” Rafael teased.

Five minutes later, Noah sat quietly on the lounge in Rafael’s hotel room as he waited for Rafael, who was digging through his bag on the bed. After a moment, Rafael let out a loud _‘Aha’_ before calling out, “Look who I found.”

Noah shifted on the lounge to get a better view at Rafael; he was surprised to find Rafael holding up a stuffed toy dog. “YOU FOUND HIM!” Rafael laughed as he walked towards him; he handed the toy to Noah as he walked around the lounge to join him. Noah waited until Rafael was sitting next to him before asking, “Where did you find Charlie? I’ve been looking for him everywhere.”

“In Chicago,” Rafael replied, “He was hiding in your room.”

Pulling the toy into a tight hug, Noah looked up at Rafael and grinned, “Thank you so much.”

Rafael smiled as he watched Noah; all his doubts of Noah forgetting him simply drifted away which felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. When Noah lowered Charlie, Rafael noticed the way he fiddled with his ears; an all too familiar feeling settled in his stomach. Noah was doing the same thing whenever Rafael had something on his mind; with a deep breath, he asked, “What’s wrong?” When Noah remained silent; his eyes still on the dog, Rafael said, “Noah, you can tell me anything.”

“A-are you…” Noah hesitantly started. He slowly turned his head to Rafael as he continued, “Are you going to come live with us again?”

Rafael paused as he looked at the small boy in front of him; his big brown eyes staring back at him, waiting for an answer. “I…” Rafael mumbled; his mind racing, in search for an answer he didn’t have. After a few long seconds, Rafael drew a deep breath, “I don’t know but don’t worry, you’ll still see me.”

“You don’t like Mom anymore, do you?” Noah sighed, “That’s why you don’t want to come back.”

“What? Of course I like…” Rafael trailed off. “It’s complicated.”

“If you’re mad at her for leaving then you must be mad at me too,” Noah mumbled; lowering his head back to Charlie.

“I’m not mad at you Noah,” Rafael sighed, “You didn’t have a choice.”

“But Mom said she didn’t either,” Noah whispered; fiddling with Charlies soft ears again. “I don’t believe her but she really did miss you.”

Rafael remained quiet as he slumped back into the lounge; his gaze drifted to the wall just beyond Noah as his mind raced. A few minutes past before Rafael heard Noah’s soft voice speak; he quickly moved his gaze back to his son and focused on what he was saying.

“She used to cry all the time,” Noah whispered, “She thinks I don’t know because she tries to hide it but I hear her.”

“This really isn’t something you should be worried about,” Rafael sighed.

“I’m ten, I’m not stupid,” Noah frowned; looking back at Rafael, “I’ve figured most of it out myself and I can see you’re mad at Mom even though you try to hide it. And I know that Mom is sad all the time without you so how complicated can it be? If you love her-“

Being overcome with feelings of guilt, betrayal and anger, Rafael growled without thinking, “Noah, that’s enough!” Seeing the way Noah jumped at the sudden change of his tone, immediately filled Rafael with regret. He brought his hand up to his face and pinched the bridge of his noise as he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said lowering his hand. When Noah didn’t look at him, Rafael slid on the lounge and wrapped his arm around Noah, “I didn’t mean to get mad.”

“I know,” Noah sighed.

“It’s just,” Rafael paused, “When did you get to be so smart?”

“I dunno,” Noah shrugged. “I just want to be a family again with no more bad days.”

Rafael’s heart broke a little; it had been years since Noah had to worry about his bad days yet clearly, they never left the boy. “You’ll never have to worry about my bad days again, I can promise you that,” Rafael whispered, tightening his arm around Noah.

Noah leaned into Rafael’s chest as he continued to play with Charlie; “C-can,” he hesitated, “Can I ask you something?”

“Mhmm,” Rafael nodded.

Noah took a shuddering breath before asking, “D-Do you want to be a family again?”

“Listen to me,” Rafael said calmly, “You’re my son so no matter what happens, we will always be a family.” When Noah nodded softly on his chest, Rafael added, “Now, whatchya say we forget about this and watch a movie?”

“Okay,” Noah whispered.

 

Later that night Rafael and Noah were still on the lounge; Noah was lying down, his head next to Rafael’s lap, fast asleep, while Rafael gently played with his hair. When the movie ended, Rafael checked his watch then carefully stood up and walked over to the only bed; he quickly got rid of the extra pillows and pulled the blankets down before turned back to the lounge. He paused when he reached the lounge again; he couldn’t help but smile as he looked at his sleeping son. After a moment, Rafael bent down, wrapping Noah in his arms and carried him to the bed. He softly placed Noah into the bed and pulled up the blankets, tucking him in tightly, before leaning down and kissing the top of Noah’s head. Rafael picked up one of the pillows he had placed on the floor then walked over to the lounge; when he made himself comfortable, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Just as Rafael was drifting off he heard some soft whimpers; his sat up quickly and turned his attention to Noah, the boy was tossing and turning. Rafael watched him cautiously; when Noah looked like he was settling again, Rafael let out a sigh of relief.

As he relaxed back into the lounge, Noah muttered, “Daddy.”

Rafael’s eyes widened as he jumped off the lounge and rushed to Noah’s side, “Buddy, it’s okay… It’s okay, I’m here.”

“D…Daddy… M…ommy,” Noah sniffled, “Help… me.”

Rafael sat on the edge of the bed, running his hand up and down Noah’s back trying to soothe him, “Shhh,” he whispered, “It’s okay… You’re okay.”

After a few shuddering breaths, Noah shot up and frantically looked around the room; as he tried to catch his breath, his eyes landed on Rafael sitting next to him. “Daddy,” he cried; leaping forward and wrapping his arms around Rafael.

Rafael almost fell off the bed when Noah jumped on him; managing to keep his balance, Rafael wrapped his own arms tightly around Noah, “You’re okay,” he reassured. He kissed the top of Noah’s head as he added, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you again.”

“Can…” Noah sniffed.

“What is it?” Rafael asked.

“Can I sleep with you?” He whispered.

“Of course,” Rafael nodded. When Noah let go of Rafael, he smiled, “But you’re gonna have to make some room, can’t have you kicking me out of the bed.”

Noah gave a small laugh as he dried his eyes; a few seconds later, Noah moved over and Rafael got in the bed, “I didn’t mean to,” Noah sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Rafael comforted, “We can talk about it in the morning if you want to.”

Noah nodded as he laid down; still trying to relax he turned on his side, attempting to hide his tears, “Thank you,” he muttered.

“I know what it’s like,” Rafael sighed; resting his own head on his pillow. He turned his head to Noah, his back facing him; he saw the way his body juddered with each breath. “You don’t have to hide that from me,” Rafael reassured, placing a soft hand on Noah’s shoulder, “I’m always going to be here for you.”

Noah remained quiet as a tear rolled down his cheek; he could tell Rafael was watching him closely and felt comforted to know that. After a deep breath, Noah rolled over and borrowed himself into Rafael’s side before trying to sleep again.

Rafael wrapped one arm around Noah as he watched him drift off; as the room around him fell silent, except the muffled mutterings of the Tv, Rafael thought about Noah’s nightmare and this uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. His eyes remained glued to Noah; he wasn’t sure how much time had passed or when what time he finally fell asleep, all he knew was that he hated that Noah now shared the nightmares he had.

 

Noah brushed off any attempts Rafael made to talk about the night before all morning. Rafael helped Noah pack all of his things before eating breakfast; after spending the whole time in awkward silence, Rafael did what he thought was best for Noah. With a heavy heart, he took him home.

Half an hour later, Olivia was waiting at the front door as Noah and Rafael got out of the cab. When Noah saw her, he ran up with a big smile, “Mommy! Look!”

Olivia smiled as she looked at the stuffed dog in his hands, “Is that-“

“It’s Charlie!” Noah beamed.

“Where did you…” she asked as she flicked her gaze between her son and Rafael.

Noah looked over his shoulder and saw Rafael walking towards them, “Rafi found him.”

“He’s been on quite an adventure,” Rafael nodded, “Sure kept me company on more than one occasion.”

“Why don’t you go put him in your room?” Olivia suggested.

“Okay,” Noah nodded.

Just before he disappeared into the house, Rafael asked, “Now are you sure you have everything?”

Laughing, Noah answered, “That’s like the fifth time you asked.”

“I’m just making sure,” Rafael replied.

“I’ve got everything,” Noah smiled as he disappeared.

Rafael watched Noah over Olivia’s shoulder; when he was deep inside the house, he turned his gaze to Olivia, “Why didn’t you tell me?” his tone completely shifting.

“What?” She said confused at his grumpy tone.

“He has nightmares,” Rafael frowned.

“Did he have one?” Olivia sighed, bringing her hand to her mouth, “It’s been months since he had one.”

“How long has he had them?” Rafael asked.

“Ever since his kidnapping,” she mumbled.

“He shouldn’t have to know what it’s like,” he grumbled.

Olivia nodded, “After I got him back, he slept in my bed for months. I’ve been helping him deal with it.”

“Are you actually helping him?” Rafael bitterly mumbled.

“I tried helping you,” she frowned, “You didn’t want it.”

“You used me and now our son has paid the price,” Rafael huffed.

“It wasn’t ideal but at least he’s alive,” Olivia growled.

Rafael scoffed as he shook his head, “Wasn’t ideal,” he mimicked.

“I have had those nightmares myself,” Olivia huffed. She took a deep breath as she stepped out of the house, closing the door until it was just ajar, “Don’t think you’re the only one to suffer.”

“No, but at least no one used them against you,” Rafael snarled.

“I saved my son’s life, I would have thought you’d understand,” Olivia frowned.

“You might have saved him but I think you’re forgetting that you broke me in order to do it,” Rafael barked. “Carter might have gotten me to the edge but you pushed me over!”

“I did what I had to,” Olivia sighed, “I’m not proud of it but I’d do it again if I had to. Carter should never have gotten anywhere near my son-”

“It’s not like I wanted that to happen,” Rafael huffed, “It was an accident! But this… you could have at least told me what been going on with him.”

“How could I?” she frowned, “He won’t talk about it to me! I don’t know what they did to him when I wasn’t around and it breaks my heart to see him like that. It hurts even more when he calls for you and you’re not there to help him... Do you know how hard it is to look into his crying eyes and tell him that his Dad isn’t there?”

“It’s not like I had a choice!” Rafael snarled.

“I didn’t say you did-“ Olivia began.

“STOP!” Lucy yelled from behind the door.

Olivia quickly turned around and opened the door to find Lucy standing in the middle of the hallway with her hands over her ears. “Lucy, why don’t you go play?” she sighed as she knelt down.

Lucy slowly lowered her hands as she mumbled, “You’re mad.”

“No, we’re just talking,” Olivia said calmly.

“Woudly,” Lucy commented.

“Go inside and play in your room,” Rafael frowned.

“Go inside,” Lucy imitated in a deep angry voice as she turned around. She stomped on the wooden floor as she walked away, “Pway… in… your… woom,” she huffed slowly; emphasising every word while wagging her finger. Lucy burst into laughter as she walked further into the house.

“She’s got quite an attitude,” Rafael grumbled.

“Just like her father,” Olivia whispered under her breath. As she slowly stood back up, Olivia sighed, “Come inside and we can talk about it properly.”

Olivia didn’t wait for Rafael to answer before taking a few steps inside; after a moment, Rafael mumbled, “Fine,” as he hesitantly followed her.

Rafael watched as Olivia walked down the hallway and into the first room on the right; with a deep breath, he did the same. When he reached the doorway, he had to pause to take in what he saw; Olivia was standing in the middle of the living room, which looked as though a bomb had just gone off. There were toys scattered all over the floor, clothes thrown around; mostly small pink or purple shirts, with an empty basket overturned on the lounge. He imagined the little girls room probably looked similar.

Olivia let out a loud sigh before calling out, “LUCY!”

Carefully stepping over a few plastic dolls, Rafael walked towards her; unable to help himself, he said, “I don’t think the basket is meant to be decoration.”

She frowned as she turned to him, “Two minutes ago, everything was neatly folded.”

“Hey, I didn’t do it,” he shrugged.

Rolling her eyes, she picked up a few clothes and toys off the lounge, “Here, you can sit if you want,” she mumbled.

Rafael quietly made his way towards the lounge and sat down; he watched as Olivia haphazardly tossed everything back into the basket before sitting in the armchair across from him.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about his nightmares,” Olivia sighed, “I honestly didn’t think he’d have one.”

“I should have known,” he mumbled, “It was hard to watch him like that.”

“It’s hard to watch the ones you love struggling,” she nodded.

“I didn’t mean to lose my temper outside,” he sighed, “I tried talking about it with him this morning and he brushed me off. I guess I just got frustrated and took it out on you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Olivia sighed, “But Lucy’s right, we need to stop fighting around them.”

“I’m just tired of playing catch up,” he mumbled.

The room fell into an awkward silence after that. Rafael sat quietly on the end of the lounge while Olivia sat across from him in an armchair; feeling uncomfortable he let his eyes wander around the room. The photo’s scattered all around the room caught his attention; they were mostly of the kids, some looked like birthday parties, others just an average day out at the park or beach with Mom. As he moved from photo to photo the more out of place he felt. There was no sign of him anywhere, she had built a whole new life and it looked like he wasn’t meant to be a part of it.

Olivia noticed the subtle frown that had appeared on his face as he looked around the room; digging up some courage, she managed to asked, “What are you thinking?”

Rafael drew a deep breath while he turned his gaze to her; after a moment, he casually said, “I think I want a divorce.”

And in that moment, it hit Olivia; she finally saw the depth of the pain she had caused him. There was no more hiding from it; no more pretending it didn’t happen or that it’s fixable. Her world was crashing around her, yet she couldn’t take her eyes off the man sitting across from her; his green eyes staring back at her.

“Kids, who wants ice-cream?” Rafael called out.

Then just like that, before she had time to react; the conversation moved on without her.

Soon after Noah and Lucy came running into the room, “We want ice cream!” they giggled.

“Rafael you can’t just…” she whispered.

Rafael felt numb as he turned to her, “You’re welcome to join us.”

With a quick nod, Olivia got up from her chair and helped Lucy put her shoes on while Rafael and Noah waited patiently at the front door. Soon after they started their journey to the nearest ice-cream parlour.

 

Ten minutes later, Rafael and Olivia were walking side-by-side; with the two kids walking a few paces in front of them. Olivia turned her gaze off the kids and towards Rafael as she spoke, “I know you’ve been through a lot these past few years-“

Rafael scoffed, “That’s putting it mildly.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I thought it was the only way to get Noah back.”

“You didn’t even try to find another way,” he mumbled.

“You’re right,” she nodded, “I let Carter get to me and I have no excuse for that.” She placed a hand on Rafael’s arm as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. When Rafael stopped next to her, she glanced towards the kids; they were laughing as Noah tried to teach Lucy how to skip. Olivia sighed as she turned back to Rafael, finding him already looking at her, “I want to try and make us work.”

“I’m not going to pretend nothing happened,” he frowned.

“I’m not asking you to,” she nodded, “I understand that I’ve hurt you but I never stopped loving you.”

Rafael rubbed the back of his neck as he looked down the street, towards the kids; “Liv,” he sighed.

“Just… Don’t file for the divorce papers just yet,” she begged.

“I don’t-“ he stopped suddenly. His stomach dropped when he saw the little girl trip, falling onto the road, with an oncoming taxi; with his heart in his throat, Rafael leapt forward.

Olivia’s eyes widened as she raced after Rafael, “LUCIA!” she panicked.

Rafael heard the screeching of the tires as the taxi tried to break; knowing it wouldn’t stop in time, he pushed himself to run faster. He took hold of the girls arm, tightly, as he yanked her off the ground; he pulled her close to his chest as he turned on his heels as fast as he could, the taxi just missing them both.  “I got you,” he panted.

Lucy had tears streaming down her face, “Mommy!” she cried.

Rafael tried to soothe her while he stepped back on onto the curb, “Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

When Olivia reached them; she let out a sigh of relief as she held out her hands, “Thank you,” she whispered, out of breath.

He watched Olivia wipe the tears off Lucy’s cheeks, “What did you just say?” he frowned.

“What?” Olivia mumbled.

“You said Lucia,” he said confused, “Why did you say that name?” He saw Olivia’s face drop, her eyes remaining on the girl in her arms; realising she wasn’t going to answer him, he asked bluntly, “Olivia, what’s her name?”

Drawing a deep breath, she turned her gaze to Rafael, “Lucia Barba-Benson… She’s your daughter.”

Rafael’s eyes widened as he brought a hand to the back of his neck, “What?”

“I was going to tell you-“

“You’re saying… She’s…” he mumbled as he began to pace. After a few strides, he suddenly turned to Olivia and growled, “You never told me.”

“I tried to,” she sighed, “You wouldn’t let me-“

“You had three years to tell me,” he frowned; running his fingers through his hair as he moved his gaze to his daughter. “And you named her after…” he drifted off; his fingers getting tighter in his hair.

“I named her after the kindest woman I knew,” Olivia explained, “I thought you would like her to live on.”

In disbelief, Rafael mumbled, “I… I got to go… I can’t-“

“Aww,” Noah sighed, “But you said we were getting ice-cream.”

Hearing the disappointment in Noah’s voice, Rafael took a much-needed deep breath; “You’re right,” he nodded, “I did say that.”

“Please don’t go,” Noah mumbled.

“Pwease don’t go,” Lucy sniffled as she copied Noah.

“Rafael, I-“ Olivia started.

Noah interrupted her; “Stop,” he frowned, looking her directly in the eyes. “Leave him alone.”

Rafael and Olivia looked at each other completely speechless; after a moment, he flicked his eyes between the two kids before turning his full attention to Noah. Kneeling down, Rafael gave a small smile, “What do you say, I carry you the rest of the way?”

“Really?” Noah smiled.

“Sure, you can tell me where to go,” Rafael nodded.

“Okie,” Noah laughed as he walked around Rafael. “Ready?” he asked; when Rafael nodded, he jumped on his back.

This time, Rafael didn’t make a sound; he simply wrapped his arms around Noah’s legs as he stood up and started walking.

Holding Lucy close to her, Olivia sighed as she watched Rafael purposely walk a few paces a head of her; whenever she tried to catch up, he quickened his pace.

 

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in the ice-cream parlour each with their own ice-creams. The conversation around him was lost as he stared at the little girl, whose face was covered in chocolate. At first, he couldn’t imagine how she was his daughter but when she looked at him with her big green eyes, he saw himself. He found himself smiling at her while she laughed as she played with her ice-cream.   
 

On the way home, Rafael carried Lucy as she talked his ear off about anything and everything; half of which he couldn’t even understand. He was surprised by how much she had to say to him considering they hardly knew each other. By the time they got home again, he had learnt that she likes to play with her big brother, her favourite doll was a princess and she loved pink; he had already assumed the last one after seeing the lounge room. As the front door neared, Lucy tried wriggling out of his arms so Rafael gently placed her on the ground and she waited impatiently for Olivia to unlock the door before running inside; Noah quickly joined her.

Olivia took a few steps inside before turning back to find Rafael still outside; “Are you going to come in?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he mumbled.

“Please,” she sighed, “We have a few things we need to talk about.”

Feeling a lump in his throat, he muttered, “Five minutes.”

With a heavy heart, Olivia nodded, “Okay.” They walked in silence until they reached the living room; Olivia quickly glanced around, making sure they were alone; hearing the kids outside, she turned to him. “I’m not surprised you want a divorce-“

“You’re not?” he questioned, “Well I am.” Rafael watched as she stood, mouth ajar and utterly speechless, in front of him; “Over the last few years, I’ve had a lot of time to think about us and not once did I even consider a divorce.”

“Then tell me why you want this,” she begged.

“You know why,” he frowned.

“I want to hear you say it,” she sighed.

“I want the last 3 years of my life back!” he huffed, “I should have spent them with my family not stuck in a prison cell. I should be in these photos you so proudly hang on the walls,” he paused as he gestured around, “Not forgotten.”

“Forgotten?” Olivia questioned. “There hasn’t been a single day where I’m not thinking about you,” she mumbled, “I wish I never did it but I can’t turn back time.” When Rafael tried to turn away, Olivia grabbed his arm, “If there’s any part of you that still loves me-“

“That’s just it Olivia, I do,” he sighed; looking back at her, “But look around, you’ve built yourself a whole new life and I’m nowhere to be seen.”

With a deep breath, Olivia calmly said, “Follow me.”

Rafael watched her, confused, as she walked out of the living room and disappeared down the hallway without explanation. After a moment, he reluctantly followed her; “What’s this about?” he mumbled when he saw her standing in front of a door.

“Look inside,” she said, pushing the door open.

When he reached her, he paused and turned towards the room; it was Noah’s. As he looked around, he noticed, the bed was made and most of the toys were neatly packed away; _Clearly Lucy isn’t allowed in here,_ he thought. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to be looking for and was just about to give up when it finally caught his eye. Hanging, proudly, on the wall was a photo from their wedding. Rafael was holding Noah in his arms, between Olivia and himself while they both kissed Noah’s cheeks. The grin on Noah’s face in the photo made Rafael smile a little.

Seeing a slight smile appear on Rafael’s face, Olivia knew he saw the photo, “You see Rafael,” she began, “Noah insisted on having a family photo with you in it, hanging in his room. Don’t think for a second you were ever forgotten just because you’re not in the photos out there.”

Rafael sighed as he slowly moved his gaze to Olivia, “Liv-“

“There’s more in my room,” she said pointing to a closed door down the end of the hallway. “We’ve missed you and now that you’re back, please don’t walk away.”

He mumbled, “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Six months,” she rushed, “If you love me like you say you do, then give me six months before you file. By then, we’ll know where we stand with each other.”

“Olivia,” he sighed.

“I don’t expect your anger to go away but I don’t want you to miss watching the kids grow up any more than you already have,” she paused. “I love you and I don’t want to lose you again. Surely if you feel the same, then it’s worth a shot, right?”

“Six months?” Rafael questioned; rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. When Olivia nodded, he mumbled, “Okay, I can do that.”

When Rafael slowly turned down the hallway, Olivia sighed, “Are you leaving now?”

“I have a lot to process,” he mumbled, “Just give me some space please.”

“Okay,” Olivia sighed. “Well you’re welcome over whenever you want to just let me know.”

“Yeah,” he sighed.

“Oh,” she called out just before he disappeared, “On the weekend I’m taking the kids to the park, I’d like it if you joined us.”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you here and we can go as a family,” he nodded.  

“The kids are outside if you want to say goodbye,” Olivia added. 

Without hesitation, Rafael changed his direction and went towards the back door; he paused in the doorway as he watched his two children run around the backyard like complete madmen. He stood there for a moment just watching; when everything seemed to slow down, something in him shifted; his anger seemed to quiet down and something else took its place. He was beginning to feel whole again. He was snapped out of his haze when he heard Olivia walking up behind him; he glanced over his shoulder to her and for the first time, instead of feeling anger towards her, his love started to shine through. During this brief moment, he realised that one day it could be possible for him to move past this and he would be able to love her like he once did.


	3. Chapter 3

A few days later; Rafael knocked on the door and while he waited, he heard Olivia pleading with Lucy to put something down. After a moment of silence, he knocked again, “Liv?” he called out.

“Just… give me a second,” her muffled voice said through the door.

He leaned against the doorframe as he waited; if there was one thing, he didn’t miss it was that her seconds usually turned into minutes. He looked down at his watch when he heard a few muffled sentences from both Olivia and Lucy through the door; with a deep sigh, he knocked again, “Come on Liv.”

Soon after he heard some footsteps heading towards him; with a quick flick of the lock, Olivia’s voice came through the door, “I told you I was only going to be a few seconds.”

“Yeah, five minutes ago,” he muttered.

As the door opened, Rafael caught a glimpse of the frown on her face before it was replaced with a big smile.

“Wow!” Olivia laughed, “I guess we’re not going to lose you today.”

Rafael looked down at his hideously bright shirt and sighed, “I figured I had to wear it at least once to get my money’s worth.”

“I’m gonna need my sunglasses if I have to look at that,” she smiled. With a slight squint she added, “Is that... a cat coming out of your pocket?”

“To be honest I have no idea,” Rafael laughed. “I only bought it because Noah liked it… apparently this is what fashion is these days.”

“Is that so?” she smiled.

“It’s a good thing I’m here,” Rafael nodded, “I gotta teach that boy a few things on style.”

Olivia gave a quick chuckle as she rolled her eyes; “How about you come inside and deal with your daughter first,” she said taking a step out of the doorway, “We’re almost ready but I can’t help Noah if I’m watching her.”

“How hard can it be to watch her? She’s tiny,” Rafael mused as he walked inside. As Olivia stepped aside, he noticed an overturned basket with all sorts of clothing scattered up the hallway. Evidently, Olivia didn’t win earlier.

“Yeah, well no one told me what it was going to be like to raise a mini Barba,” Olivia remarked, closing the door. “Like father like daughter.”

Rafael chuckled as he looked over his shoulder; with a quick wink, he added, “We can’t forget she’s also a Benson.”

“Touché,” she nodded.

Turning the corner into the living room, Rafael’s heart skipped a beat as he spotted Lucy spinning around, giggling to herself, as the music from the TV played. Rafael tried to remain quiet as he watched her dance, enjoying how her hair flowed freely behind her as she lost herself into the music. As the song slowly came to an end, Lucy finally saw Rafael, “W-Wafi!” she grinned as she started to run towards him.

As she spoke, his smile faltered for a second; just enough for Olivia to notice, “Raf,” she whispered as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Ignoring her, Rafael quickly took Lucy in his arms, “How’s my baby girl?” he smiled.

“Good,” she giggled, “I was dancing.”

“I saw,” he nodded, “You looked amazing-”

“Rafael,” Olivia interrupted, “I have been meaning to talk to you about-“

“Forget it,” he muttered. “Go help Noah so we can head off.”

“Hon,” Olivia sighed.

Rafael sighed as he took a few steps away from Olivia; “Lucy, why don’t we put some shoes on and after that watch some TV while we wait for your brother?”

“Okay,” Lucy nodded.

Olivia drew a deep breath as she watched Rafael placed Lucy softly on the lounge before turning on her heels and disappearing down the hallway towards Noah’s bedroom.

 

“Noah sweetie, are you almost ready?” Olivia said as she reached his door.

Noah was sitting on his bed as he tied his shoes; he was dressed in a white, flowery shirt with denim shorts. As he pulled the knot tight, he looked up and asked, “Is Rafi here?”

“He is,” she nodded.

“Where is he?” Noah sighed.

“He’s watching your sister,” Olivia replied, “Do you have everything? They’re waiting.”

“I… I think so,” he mumbled as he slowly slid off the bed.

“Where’s your hat?” she asked.

“Um,” he shrugged as he walked towards the door, “I dunno.”

“Noah,” she sighed, “Let’s look for it.”

“Why, I don’t need it,” he muttered, “I just want to go.”

“Rafael’s not going anywhere so let’s just take five minutes to find your hat,” Olivia frowned, “Come on, the sooner we look the sooner we can go.”

“Fine,” Noah grumbled as he turned back into his room. He quickly checked his wardrobe then a few drawers before tossing his arms in the air, “It’s gone, can we go now?”

“You didn’t even look,” Olivia sighed as she entered his room. She knelt down beside his bed, “Here, I’ll look under your bed and you go check your wardrobe… properly this time.”

Noah rolled his eyes, “Fiiiine.”

Olivia leaned further down until she could see under his bed; unable to see much, she reached a hand out and felt around. After a moment she was about to give up but her hand landed on something strange; she slid it out and was surprised by what she found. “Noah, what’s this?” she asked as she stared down at this brown leather book.

Noah slowly turned away from the wardrobe but his heart dropped when he saw what she had; he quickly ran over to her and took it, “It’s mine.”

“No,” she frowned, “That’s Rafael’s note book, why do you have it?”

“I took it when you were packing his things away,” Noah muttered, “You weren’t going to take everything.”

Olivia slumped back as his words winded her; trying to hide her feelings, she cleared her throat as she stood up, “Let’s go.”

“Mom,” Noah sighed as he placed the book on the chest of drawers next to him. “I’m sorry.”

“Noah,” she whispered, “Let’s just go. We can talk about it later.”

They both walked out of Noah’s room in silence; as they neared the living room, they heard Lucy’s laughter. Rounding the corner, Olivia smiled when she saw Lucy wrapped up in Rafael’s arms as they slowly rocked back and forth.

When Noah saw them, he stopped in his tracks behind his mother; his face grew cold as he clenched his jaw.

“What’s this?” she asked.

Rafael stopped as he looked over to them, “She wanted to dance,” he shrugged, “I was more than happy to.” Placing Lucy on the ground, Rafael asked, “Where’s Noah?”

Olivia frowned, confused, as she looked behind her; “He was right behind me,” she mumbled. “Noah?”

“I’m at the door,” Noah called out. “Let’s go.”

Rafael looked confused at Olivia, “What happened?” he whispered, “He didn’t even say hello.”

“I’m not sure,” Olivia sighed, “He wanted to see you.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, “Well Noah’s right, we should get going.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “Lucy, come grab your bag.”

Rafael followed Lucy as she walked towards the living room doorway; as Olivia helped their daughter put her backpack on, Rafael brushed passed them and looked down the hallway, “Hey Kiddo,” he smiled.

Noah gave a quick smile, “Hi.”

Cautiously walking towards his son, Rafael said, “Where’s my hug? You always give me one.”

“You were busy,” Noah shrugged. “Are we leaving yet?”

“Yeah, we’re leaving,” Rafael sighed.

“Alright,” Olivia mumbled as she rushed towards the door, “Now, does everyone have everything? Lucy where’s your hat?”

“I don’t want it,” she muttered.

“Lucy-“

“Liv,” Rafael sighed, “It’s one day, it’s not going to hurt them. We’ll just smother them in sunscreen.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “Let’s go.”

As they started out the door, Rafael wrapped his arm around Noah and pulled him close, “So what are we going to do first?”

“Dunno,” Noah said trying to shrug Rafael off him.

Pulling Noah closer, Rafael used his free hand to tousle the boy’s hair, “Come on,” he smiled.

“Hey!” Noah frowned with a big grin.

“What?” Rafael chuckled. “I didn’t do anything.”

Noah just smiled as he wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist, hugging him tightly; after a moment, Noah broke the hug and weaseled his way out of Rafael’s grasp. As he fixed his hair, he looked at his father and laughed, “You’re wearing that shirt.”

“Of course,” Rafael nodded, “Someone made me try it.”

“It still looks funny,” Noah grinned. “But I like it.”

As they reached the car, Rafael checked over his shoulder and saw Olivia with Lucy a few paces behind. Turning back to Noah, he opened the back door as he asked again, “So what are we going to do first?”

Jumping into the backseat, Noah shrugged, “I dunno, maybe we could play with a ball?”

“Yeah,” Rafael nodded, “Maybe your sister could play too.”

Noah slumped into his chair as he muttered, “Yeah… I guess.”

“We could do a boys verse girls game,” Rafael suggested. When Noah just shrugged his shoulders in response, Rafael sighed, “How about you think about it and we can decide later.” Knowing he wasn’t going to get another answer from his son, Rafael closed the door and started for the front passengers’ seat while he waited for Olivia to put Lucy in the car.

A few short minutes later, Olivia was sitting in the drivers’ seat, “Who’s ready for a fun day?” she smiled.

“Mee!” Lucy giggled.

“Yeah,” Noah replied.

“How about we get this thing rollin’?” Rafael said turning to Olivia. “The sooner we get there the sooner we can start having some quality family time.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” she nodded.

 

When they arrived at the park, they spent the first half an hour setting up their spot for the day and despite the kids protests, Olivia and Rafael had managed to smother them both in sunscreen. Once they were all settled, Noah pulled out a soccer ball, “Can we play now?”

As Rafael nodded as he stood up; he flicked a side glance, motioning Noah towards his mother; “Ask her,” he mouthed.

With a sigh, Noah walked over to his mother, “Would you like to play with Rafi and me? We could do teams.”

Smiling, Olivia nodded, “I’d love to. Whose team am I on?”

“Lucy’s,” Noah muttered, “I’ll be with Rafi.”

“Sounds good,” she said as she stood up. Turning to Lucy, she added, “Coming to play?”

Jumping to her feet, Lucy grinned, “I’m wif Noah!”

Olivia looked over to Noah as he made his way towards Rafael, who was already waiting for everyone; “Sweetie, how about you be on my team? We can show those boy’s whose boss.”

Lucy laughed, “Okay!”

“Are we playing or not!” Rafael called out.

“Coming,” Olivia replied as she took Lucy’s hand.

When they reached the boys, Rafael smirked, “You’re going down.”

Raising her eyebrows, Olivia chuckled, “Oh, is that so?”

“Mhmm,” Rafael winked.

“Game on,” she retorted.

“Noah,” Rafael called out, “Let’s play!”

 Kicking the ball from under his foot, Noah passed it to Rafael and the game was on. Rafael hadn’t felt so free as he ran alongside his son towards his wife and young daughter; the laughter from his family filling his ears. A moment later he was left stunned when Olivia shoved him out of the way and took hold of the ball before passing it to Lucy. He stopped in his tracks as he watched them run around him; the way the sun shone down on Olivia’s face as she flipped her hair away, making his heart flutter.

He was lost, thinking about Olivia, until he heard Noah yelling at him, “COME ON! They’re winning!”

Being brought out of his haze, Rafael started into a full sprint; after catching up, he laughed, “You play dirty.”

“I play to win,” Olivia winked.

“Good, so do I,” Rafael smirked as interrupted Lucy’s kick to Olivia. “Come and get me,” he said as he started to run back the way he came.

“W-“ Lucy panted, “Wafi got the ball!”

“Let’s go get him,” Olivia nodded.

Feeling Olivia gaining on him, Rafael looked over his shoulder and saw Noah standing wide open, “Go up field!”

Noah nodded as he went into a sprint.

Olivia placed a light hand on Rafael’s shoulder as she tried to catch him, “Guess who!”

Feeling the pressure from Olivia, Rafael quickly kicked the ball to Noah, who proceeded to get a goal. “Looks like the boys are winning,” Rafael panted as he slowed down.

“For now,” Olivia laughed, “Don’t get comfortable.”

“Mhmm,” Rafael replied.

“Noah, Lucy gets to start this time,” Olivia called out.

“Fine!” Noah sighed as he kicked the ball to his little sister.

For the next hour they played against each other; the kids laughed as Olivia and Rafael competed against each other. Eventually, they had to call it after the girls took the winning goal. Slowly they made their way back to their picnic spot; after sitting down, they all tried to catch their breaths as Olivia pulled out lunch.

 

Hours later, Olivia sat on a nearby bench as she watched Rafael play with Lucy; he was throwing her up in the air and catching her, the little girls laughter filled the air. Olivia could feel her cheeks beginning to ache from the smile she had. As the sun shone down on them; something on Rafael’s arm caught Olivia’s attention, causing her stomach to drop. All of a sudden, she saw this scar, plain as day for the first time. It was faded but it stood out against his tanned skin. After seeing it, all these horrible scenarios began to run through her mind.

Lost in thought, she didn’t realize Rafael had made his way over to her; “Lucy’s very energetic,” he panted. As he sat down, he laughed, “Just like Noah.”

“You have no idea,” Olivia commented; slowly turned her gaze to him. Noticing he was alone, she asked, “Where is Lucy?”

Rafael gave a quick nod in the direction of the playground; “She’s playing with Noah.”

Olivia felt numb; her eyes wandered down his body until they rested on his arm. She desperately wanted to ask about it but she had to play it right. After a deep breath, she finally asked, “What happened?”

“She wore me out,” Rafael laughed. “I’m not the young man I think I am.”

She gently raised her hand to his face and brushed a fallen piece of hair; “Maybe not but you still look great. I’m loving the silver,” she smiled; seeing how it shone in the sunlight.

Rafael raised an eyebrow as he turned to look at her properly; “Uh… Yeah well, dye was never high on my priority list…” he said with a slight smile, “Probably would have been different if I was still working.”

“Well I like it,” Olivia said as she continued to run her fingers through the side of his hair.

He had longed for her tender touch; he wanted to just sit there and enjoy it but something wasn’t sitting right. With a sigh, he reluctantly moved away from her and asked, “What do you want?”

“What?” she said, sounding confused.

“Come on Liv,” he muttered, “I still know your little techniques. You’re trying to make me comfortable so you can get me to talk, so… What do you want?”

She sighed as she pulled her hand back to herself; “Okay,” she nodded, “I want to know what it was like for you in prison.”

“I already told you,” he frowned.

“Not really,” she sighed, “All you said was that you got transferred to Rykers and you spent a lot of time with Carter in the infirmary until he was moved to gen-pop. After that you shut it down pretty quickly-“

“Because I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled, “Why can’t you just leave it at that?”

“Please,” she begged, “I just want to have an open conversation.”

“I thought today was meant to be a happy day, just us being a family. Why can’t we just have that?” he grumbled.

“Because I want to know and if we don’t talk about it now, you’ll never tell me,” she sighed, “I won’t ask about it again after this.”

“You say that now,” he scoffed. “I don’t want to keep having to reliving those past few years.”

“Please, Rafael.”

Rafael paused as he moved his gaze towards the playground; he watched as his kids carelessly played. Knowing they were far away, he let out a deep breath, “Okay.”

“Okay,” she repeated, softly.

“Well you remember what state of mind I was in when I was sentenced,” he sighed. He waited for a sign that Olivia was listening; when she nodded, he continued, “Because of that I spent most of the first year in the psych ward. I mean after you left, I wasn’t the same… I had nothing… I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts and… that voice in my head…”

“I’m sorry,” Olivia croaked. She knew he didn’t want to hear another apology but she couldn’t stop herself from saying it. She watched as he lowered his head and stared at his hands as he began to fidget.

After a brief moment, he continued, “Let’s just skip ahead… After the transfer, there was nothing to stop Carter.”

“Not even the guards?” Olivia asked.

“You kidding? I’m sure some of them had a pool going to see which one of us would die first,” he scoffed.

“I’m so-“ this time, she managed to stop herself. Instead she placed her hand on his thigh, hoping to comfort him and to her surprise he didn’t move away.

With a small grin to himself, he added, “I broke his nose a few times. Maybe I’ve straightened it out from the time I punched him in your office.” Lifting his head, he turned to her, “There’s not really much else to tell; it was hard but I’ve gotten used to looking over my shoulder. Not long after he was moved to gen-pop, I was released and I can’t tell you how much that first breath of fresh air meant to me.”

She didn’t want to push him further but she couldn’t escape the fact he never mentioned the scar. Something happened and she wanted to know; before she could stop herself, she asked, “Was that something Carter did?”

“Huh?” he said confused. He followed as she lowered her gaze; his stomach dropped when he realised what she was staring at; “Oh,” he sighed, “You noticed?”

“It’s kinda hard not to,” Olivia replied.

“That’s why it took you a week,” Rafael remarked.

”What happened?” She sighed. “Was it Carter?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Please Rafa,” she pleaded; slightly tightening her fingers on his thigh, “Talk to me.”

Rafael shook his head as he stood up; he took a few steps forward before turning around to face her, “You broke me,” he growled.

“What?”

“This...” he huffed pushing his left arm forward; showing Olivia the scar clearly, “I did this.”

Olivia sat there stunned at what she was hearing; her eyes were glued to this thin, white line running down his arm. She wanted to know but now she wished she never asked.

He muttered, “I don’t want your pity but like I said I was in a very dark place and I had nothing.”

“I’m s-sorry,” Olivia whispered. “But..” she paused.

“But why did I do it?” he frowned, “Other than the obvious, former ADA turned convict?”

Olivia flicked her gaze over to the playground; after seeing the kids still playing happily, she turned back to him, “I want to know.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” he remarked.

“Please Rafael,” Olivia sighed.

“When you stopped sending me letters, I began to realise how alone I really was despite the voice constantly talking in the back of my head,” he sighed, “I needed you. I needed my family especially when I heard about the transfer.”

“To Rykers,” Olivia mumbled.

Rafael nodded, “I did this the night before my transfer. I wasn’t ready- No, I wasn’t strong enough to deal with Carter on my own.”

“If I knew-“

“Save it,” Rafael growled. “This is the only time I’ll talk about it… I’m just glad my cellmate called for a guard that night.”

“You are?” Olivia asked.

Rafael sighed as he looked over his shoulder towards the playground; he watched as Noah helped his little sister climb to the top of the slide. As Lucy went down the slide, she laughed so loud, Rafael could hear her. A smile appeared on his face as he mumbled, “You know, for a long time I wished it worked but now... looking at them, I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

In shock, Olivia just sat there, staring at him, as he watched the kids; his words running through her head.

“W-W-W” Lucy smiled as she ran over, “W-afi?”

As bitter-sweet as it was, Rafael couldn’t help but smile at the way she said his name. “Yes Lucy?”

When she got closer, she asked, “Can you pway with me?”

“Absolutely,” he grinned.

Olivia remained quiet as she watched Lucy take hold of Rafael’s hand and pulled him away. She was pulled from her trance when something in her bag began to buzz; thinking it was her phone she quickly dug through it. She wasn’t wrong about it being a phone but it wasn’t hers, it was Rafael’s. “R-“ she croaked. Clearing her throat, she tried again, “Rafael!”

“What?” he sighed as he turned to face her.

“Your phone,” she said holding it up.

“Whose calling?” he asked, slowly walking back to her.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “Unknown caller.”

Rafael’s face grew serious as he picked up his pace until he reached her, “I’ve got to take this.” Taking the phone from her, he quickly turned on his heels and started to walk out of earshot. Just before he was completely clear from Olivia, he growled into the phone, “Te dije que no me llamaras!”

Lucy’s eyes started to water as she watched Rafael walk away from her; “Mommy!” she cried out as she ran towards Olivia.

“He’ll be back,” Olivia reassured, “Come sit on my lap while we wait.”

Lucy slowly walked up to Olivia and snuggled into the side of her mother’s leg as she sniffled, “B-but I wanna p-pway.”

“I know,” Olivia whispered as she picked up Lucy and pulled her into a hug. Feeling Lucy snuggle into her, Olivia looked out and watched Rafael as he paced up field; “Don’t worry, he won’t be long… I hope,” she muttered under her breath.

With a shuddering breath, Lucy sniffled, “Mommy?”

“Mmm?”

“Why does Wafi talk funny?” she asked.

Olivia smiled a little, “Cause he can speak another language.”

Lifting her head, she looked up at her mother with a frown, “W-wang-wage?” she said confused.

“Um,” Olivia sighed, “He can say things that sound funny but some people know what he means. Maybe one day, he could teach you.”

“I wanna speak funny,” Lucy smiled.

“Well, what he does is actually called Spanish,” Olivia smiled softly, “But I’m sure Rafi would love to teach you.”

Wiggling on Olivia’s lap, Lucy managed to twist herself so she was now looking out at the field. “Look!” she yelled. “Wafi’s coming back.”

“So he is,” Olivia said as she stared at him. She saw the frown on his face; whoever was on the other end of that call, it wasn’t good news, she thought. “Sweetie, why don’t you go over to Noah for a minute, I’ll tell Rafi to meet you there.”

“But Mommy,” Lucy pouted.

“Please Lucy, just do what I say,” Olivia sighed.

“Fine,” she frowned as she jumped off Olivia’s lap.

Olivia watched Lucy as she ran towards the playground before turning her attention back to Rafael. She watched the way he ran his fingers through his hair as he approached; when he was close enough, she asked, “Are you alright?”

“What?” he said sounding distracted, “Oh, yeah I’m fine.”

“Who was that?” she questioned, “Must have been important.”

“It was just someone I used to know,” he dismissed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Someone from New York?” she asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” he sighed. With a deep breath, he looked around, “Where’d Lucy go?”

“She’s with Noah,” Olivia answered.

“I should go over there, I said I’d play,” he muttered.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“It will be,” he nodded, “Trust me.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “Well, go find your daughter. I’m thinking we’ll head home soon.”

“Got it,” he replied as he started for the playground.

 

After some begging and clever bargaining; they spent two more hours at the park, laughing and playing before finally making their way home. Once they were parked in Olivia’s driveway, Rafael helped Noah carry his things to the door while Olivia helped Lucy. Olivia struggled to open the door with Lucy in her arms but after a few attempts she opened it. Noah slung his bag over his shoulder as he pushed passed his mother and walked inside, “I’m going to my room,” he muttered.

Olivia sighed as she watched Noah disappeared down the hallway. As she placed Lucy on the ground, she asked, “Sweetie, can you put your bag in your room?”

“Okay,” Lucy nodded, “Can I watch TV?”

“Sure,” Olivia smiled softly. When Lucy went inside, Olivia turned to Rafael; “You coming in?” she asked.

“No,” he sighed, “I think I should head off.”

“Oh,” she said sounding disappointed. “You’re welcome to stay.”

With a soft smile, Rafael gave a small nod, “I know.”

“The kids would love it if you did,” she smiled, “So would I.”

“I wish I could,” he mumbled as he took a step towards her, closing the gap until he was just a few inches away. He couldn’t help but notice how the golden rays of the setting sun fell so gracefully on Olivia’s face. The highlights in her hair glistened as it perfectly framed her beautiful face; but none of that was anything compared to little golden flecks in her eyes as she stared back at him. Lost in her beauty, he gently placed a hand on the side of her face and ran his thumb across her cheek.

Before anything could happen, Lucy’s voice travelled down the hallway, “Mommy, I’m hungry.”

“Duty calls,” Rafael smiled. Moving his hand from her face, he pulled her into a hug, “Thank you… Today meant a lot.”

“Always,” Olivia whispered. She wrapped her arms around him as he snuggled his face into the crest of her neck; his beard slightly tickling her. Olivia stood quietly just enjoying his tender touch; wishing it would last forever. When it broke, she sighed, “Talk soon.” He gave a quick nod as he turned on his heels but after he took a few steps, Olivia called out, “Hey, wait.”

“What is it?” he asked as he turned back to her.

“This morning I wanted to talk to you about something,” she reminded him.

“Oh… Yeah,” he sighed.

Drawing a hesitant breath, she asked, “What do you want Lucy to call you?”  
“Whatever she wants,” he mumbled, “Noah calls me Rafi so she might as well too.”

“He also called you Dad,” Olivia reminded him, “I understand if you want Lucia to call you that.”

“I don’t want to force anything,” he sighed, “She doesn’t know me. Rafi will do just fine.”

“I see what it does to you,” she mumbled.

“It is what it is Liv,” he shrugged, “Maybe one day it would be nice to be seen as their father but I wasn’t there and I’m pretty lucky to be standing here now… So, I’ll take what I can get.”

“Raf,” she whispered, unable to find her voice.

“I really should get going,” he said as he took a step backwards. “Besides, it looks like you’re taking too long.”

“Huh?” Olivia said confused.

“Mommy,” Lucy said as she walked up to Olivia. As she tugged on her mother’s shirt, she added, “I’m hungry.”

Olivia took her eyes off Rafael for a moment as she looked down at Lucy; “I know but I just need a minute to talk to-“

“Wafi’s leaving,” she mumbled.

Olivia quickly snapped her head up, letting out a deep sigh, while she watched Rafael make his way to the sidewalk. She wanted to say something… anything, to keep him with her but nothing came to mind. Instead a muffled noise came from her; not even she knew what she was attempting to say, but thankfully he didn’t seem to hear her. Once he reached the curb, he looked back over his shoulder; his deep green eyes sparkled against the darkening sky and that smile… that stupid yet beautiful smile of his just made her want to run to him. Just as she was about to leap forward, she heard something that brought her back to reality.

“Buh-Bye,” Lucy smiled as she waved.

He slowly brought a hand to his lips and blew a kiss towards them both; not entirely sure who it was meant for as he added, “Bye, I’ll see you soon.”

With a deep breath, Olivia smiled, “Talk soon.”

Rafael sighed as he nodded, “Tell Noah I said bye,” then he turned and left without another word.

 

When Rafael reached his hotel room, he spent a few minutes on the phone before sitting in front of the TV trying to drown out his thoughts. However, despite his best efforts, Rafael spent most of his night imagining different scenarios of what his family could be doing; each one came to the same conclusion… he wished he was there. He kept flicking his gaze between the TV and his phone that rested on the coffee table in front of him. _I should call…_ _Maybe I could join,_ he thought. With a deep breath he leaned forward, taking hold of his phone; the TV completely muffled to him as he stared at the lock screen while he contemplated calling Olivia. After a while, he rolled his eyes before turning off the tv and making his way towards his bed. He tossed his phone on the bedside table, out of reach, as he got into bed and tried to fall asleep. He ended up tossing and turning into the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep… unable to think of anything but his family.

 

A few days later, Rafael woke up early in the morning after another restless night; still dark outside, he decided to have a quick shower. Each minute blended into the next as he stood under the warmth of the running water; he was finally able to relax as his thoughts seemingly disappeared down the drain. Twenty minutes later, he turned off the tap and stepped out; as he wrapped the towel around his waist, his shaving kit caught his attention. He absentmindedly ran his fingers across his beard as he slowly made his way across the bathroom floor, towards the sink. When he reached it, he took a hand towel and wiped the steam from the mirror; he stared at his, still blurred, self in the mirror as he lathered his hands with shaving cream. As he went to put the cream on his face, he hesitated as he flicked his gaze towards his scar. He leaned forward as he traced it down his face with one of his fingers; leaving behind a trail of thin white foam. He had seen it a million times before but something else was drawing him in this time. The longer he stared, the harder he found it to breath; each breath seemingly taking longer. His heart began to beat faster as the walls around him began to close in; yet he couldn’t seem to break his gaze. After a few shallow breaths, he started to see flashbacks; he was handcuffed and Carter loomed above him. The shine of the light reflecting in the mirror, reminded him of the knife Carter had. In this moment, he felt it all again; the cold metal pressed against his skin, the stinging sensation as the knife sliced through and the warmth of his blood started to run down-

Wide-eyed, Rafael panted as he tore his gaze from the mirror and frantically washed his hands. Feeling physically weak, he gripped the wall as he tried to hurry out of the bathroom and towards his suitcase. He quickly dug around until he found a small orange container filled with Valium; he poured one into his palm before quickly taking it. With a few deep breaths, he sat on the edge of his bed as he tried to calm down. It had been so long since he had felt a panic attack like that; they were far and few between, which Rafael was more than grateful for. While he sat there, his phone began to buzz on the bedside table; he stretched across his bed until his fingers could just reach his phone. After almost dropping it, he brought the phone to his ear, “Liv?” he questioned.

“Hey,” she replied, “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No,” he sighed, “I’m just... sitting in my room.”

“Oh, good,” she said, sounding flustered. “Um, can I..”

“What Liv?” he questioned.

“I’ve been trying to contact Adam all morning and I can’t seem to get through,” she sighed, “I got called into work today and I was hoping... maybe... you’d like to...”

“Look after the kids?” he finished.

“Yeah.”

“Of course,” he sighed.

“Thank you,” she said sounding relieved.

“But you really should have called me first,” he grumbled.

“I know but… I didn’t want to bother you,” she said quietly.

“Liv, it’s never a bother,” Rafael sighed. “Look, you can tell Adam that his services are no longer required.”

“Raf,” she sighed.

“I’m their Father, I should be the one looking after them,” he growled, “And I intend to do that.”

“We can talk about this later,” she mumbled.

“Fine,” he muttered, “When do you want me there?”

“As soon as you can.”

“I’m heading out the door,” he said as he stood up off the bed.

 

Just over 30 minutes later, Rafael was walking up to Olivia’s front door; the rising sun above him filled the sky with a mix of pinks, purples and blues. He drew a deep breath as he knocked on the door; with no response, he tried again, “LIV?”

“It’s open,” she called out. As Rafael slowly opened the door, he heard Olivia’s voice travelling down the hallway; “Noah! Get up, I asked you- No, Lucy don’t play with that-“

“Sounds like you’ve got your hands full,” he commented; closing the door behind himself. With no reply, he made his way towards the kitchen; hearing quiet chatter as he got closer. He saw Lucy first, sitting at the counter, as he entered the kitchen then his eyes drifted further in and saw Olivia standing on the other side, her back to him. He ran his eyes up and down Olivia’s body as he took in her new uniform. Her white cotton shirt was tucked into her navy-blue trousers; it would have looked fine if it wasn’t for some stupid, green and blue, logo printed on the back. Unable to help himself, he chuckled, “Now, that’s a uniform.”

Olivia rolled her eyes as she turned to face him; “Don’t even get me started on this,” she growled.

“I like it,” he shrugged, “Though you can make anything look good.” His compliment seemingly went unnoticed, until he saw the slight redness in her cheeks.

“Wafi!” Lucy giggled as she threw her arms up; knocking her bowl off the counter and onto the floor. As it bounced, Lucy sank into her chair; “Oopsy…” she whispered.

With a frustrated sigh, Olivia bent down and picked up Lucy’s bowl; the cereal and milk puddle slowly spreading across the floor.

“Leave it,” Rafael said softly as he bent down next to her. He tenderly placed one hand on top of hers as he put the other underneath, taking the bowl from her. “I’ll clean it,” he said with a small smile.

She let out a sigh of relief as she turned to him; “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Always,” he smiled. A few short seconds later, they slowly stood up together; Rafael’s hand lingering on top of hers for a moment longer before he cleared his throat, “Um, you don’t want to be late.”

“Yeah,” Olivia sighed as she watched him walk around her to place the bowl in the sink. “Um… Noah’s still in bed and Lucy… was eating.”

“I’ll organise breakfast,” he nodded, “Then if I have to, I’ll jump on Noah to get him out of bed.”

“I’m sure that’ll go down well,” Olivia laughed. She heard a sight chuckle from Rafael as she walked towards Lucy. Giving her daughter a quick kiss on the cheek, she smiled, “I’ll see you later Sweetie. Be good for Rafi.”

“I will,” Lucy grinned.

“I’ll walk you out,” Rafael said, walking across the floor towards her.

“Okay,” she nodded. As they started down the hallway; Olivia began, “I shouldn’t be too late today-“

“Yeah,” he interrupted, “I’ve been wondering what is it that you do now?”

“I work security for some corporate firm,” she muttered, “I hate it so much but it pays the bills.”

“Geez Liv,” he mumbled, “Why not do a job you love?”

“The job I love is back in New York,” she sighed, “If I could go back, I would.”

“Yeah, I know how that feels,” he nodded.

It fell into an awkward silence as they continued down the hallway; once they reached the door, Rafael said softly, “Here let me,” as he opened it for her.  

“Thank you,” she smiled as she brushed passed him; gently running her fingers down his arm.

He watched her take a few steps out the door; with a deep sigh, he asked, “Do you have a second?”

She paused as she looked down at her watch before turning back to him; “Sure,” she smiled.

“Do I have any… Rules?” he sighed. “I’m sure you give Adam rules.”

“Rules?” Olivia questioned. “No, of course not. I mean, in saying that I wouldn’t give Lucy too much sugar if you know what’s good for you.”

“I was asking more along the lines of what I’m allowed to do with them,” he muttered; rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“Whatever you want,” she smiled, “Just don’t take them to a meth lab and we’ll be fine.” When he gave her a half-assed smile, she quickly walked towards him; “That was a joke,” she sighed.

“I know,” he nodded.

“Look,” she said, placing a hand on his bicep, “You don’t need to earn my trust Rafael.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled, “I was thinking we might go out for a few hours if the kids want to.”

“Sounds good,” Olivia reassured; patting his arm before stepping back. “I should be home by 5.”

Just before he could say anything else; he heard little footsteps running up quickly behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Lucy, “Hey kiddo,” he smiled.

“I’m hungry,” she sighed.

“Okay,” he nodded as he bent down. With one smooth action and a slight grunt, Rafael picked up Lucy up off the floor and placed her on his hip; “Let’s say bye to Mommy first then I can get you some more food.”

“Okie,” she smiled, “Bye Mommy, I wuve you.”

“I love you too,” Olivia said as she blew them a kiss. “Be good.”

“Where’s the fun in that,” Rafael winked before starting to wave; Lucy copying him. 

They stood quietly for a moment as they watched Olivia get in her car and drive down the street; once she was gone from view, Rafael bounced Lucy on his hip and smiled, “Now, let’s see what we can do about breakfast.”

Lucy nodded quietly as Rafael carried her down the hallway and back into the kitchen; as he sat her down on her chair, she mumbled, “I don’t wike that.”

Rafael looked at her confused, so she pointed across the kitchen to a purple box; intrigued he walked over, narrowly dodging the puddle of milk on the floor. He picked up the box and noted that its contents looked oddly similar to the sludge on the floor. “Oh,” he nodded, “You don’t like this cereal.”

Screwing up her nose as she shook her head, Lucy made a disgusted noise, “It’s yucky.”

“Let me clean this up first then I’ll see if there’s anything better,” Rafael sighed. He travelled around the kitchen, opening and closing drawers, in search for a roll of paper towels; opening his forth drawer, he let out a quiet _‘Ah ha’_ to himself. Soon after pulling out the paper towels, the mess on the floor was no longer.

“Wafi,” Lucy sighed as she watched him place the last of the dirty towels in the bin.

“I know,” he nodded, “Do you want eggs?”

“Ew,” Lucy frowned.

“O..kay,” Rafael mumbled as he walked towards the fridge. He pulled the door open and stuck his head inside, “Fruit?”

“No,” she huffed.

“Uh,” he muttered. After looking in the almost empty fridge, he got an idea; taking out the eggs and milk, he quickly walked over to the pantry. “Yes!” he exclaimed as he found some flour. Turning to Lucy, he asked, “How about pancakes?”

“Ooo!” Lucy grinned, “Yess!”

“Perfect,” he smiled.

It had been a while since he had cooked properly; especially pancakes, but after a few measuring mistakes and a couple of extra ingredients, he served Lucy her breakfast in no time.

While she ate happily at the counter, Rafael took his chance to go to Noah’s bedroom. Pushing the door open, Rafael walked up to the bed and smiled, “Come on sleepy head, time to get up.”

Noah gave a loud grunt as he rolled over, head down into the pillow; “Go away,” his muffled voice growled.

“You know,” Rafael chuckled a little as he sat on the edge of Noah’s bed. “I distinctly remember you used to jump on me to get up.”

“And?”

“Well I can’t do that to you cause one of us well get hurt and it would probably be me,” Rafael laughed. “So, if you don’t get up, I’ll find another way.”

“Just leave me alone,” Noah mumbled.

“One…” Rafael said as he leaned towards Noah. “Two…” Before he even got to three, Rafael started to tickle Noah; making him jump and laugh, kicking the blanket off the bed.

“S-St-“ Noah laughed, “Stop it.”

“You gonna get up?” Rafael questioned as he slowly stopped.

“Fine, you win,” Noah said with a big grin on his face.

“Good,” Rafael smiled. As he stood up, he added, “Come join us when you’re ready, I’ve made pancakes.”

“You cooked?”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Rafael chuckled, walking towards the door. “But if I were you, I’d hurry up ‘cause I think your sister wants them all.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Noah commented. “I’ll be a few minutes.”

Rafael closed the door behind himself before walking back down the hallway, towards the kitchen; as he got closer, he noticed Lucy’s almost empty plate. “Do you want more?” he asked.

“Yes pwease,” she smiled.

He gently took her plate as he walked passed; with a few quick strides, he was standing on the other side of the kitchen, in front of a large stack of already cooked pancakes. After placing one of the smaller pancakes on the plate, he looked over his shoulder and asked, “More maple syrup?”

“Yes!” Lucy shrieked.

“Okay,” Rafael said with a small laugh. He took the syrup bottle with him as he walked back towards Lucy; putting it in front of her, he said, “Tell me when.” Popping the lid off the bottle, he began to pour the thick golden syrup over her pancakes; he watched her, waiting for her to shout stop but she didn’t say anything. “I think that’s enough,” he said as he hesitantly pulled the bottle away.

“Aww,” she sighed.

“I can’t give you the whole bottle,” he shrugged, putting the bottle out of reach. “You’ve already had half of it.”

“But it’s yummy,” she pouted.

Rafael sighed as he leaned forward and started to cut Lucy’s pancakes; “I know it is but we have to save some for your brother, right?”

“What are we saving for me?” Noah asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Rafael watched Noah walk around him, “Uh, syrup,” he replied. “Take as many pancakes as you want, I might have made more than we needed.”

Noah laughed as he looked at the stack, “I’ll say.” After filling up his plate, Noah walked back around and sat down next to his sister.

“Syrup?” Rafael questioned, sliding the bottle across the bench.

As he picked it up, he noticed it was half empty; “Uh, Rafi,” Noah paused, “You didn’t let Lucy eat all of this, did you?”

“What?” he shrugged, “She likes it.”

“It’s yummy,” Lucy muttered with a mouth full of food.

“Okayyy,” Noah said with a slight smile.  After pouring some syrup on his pancakes, Noah began to eat, “These are really good,” he commented.

“Of course, they are,” Rafael laughed. “Just look at your sister,” he added, turning his gaze towards Lucy. She was shovelling the last of her breakfast into her syrup covered face; pancake chunks and syrup falling onto her shirt.

“I’m full,” she said, pushing her plate away from her.

“Are you sure you don’t want any more?” Rafael questioned.

She blew up her cheeks like a monkey and she shook her head.

Rafael walked around the counter and helped Lucy down onto the floor; “I think we should clean you up,” he said, taking hold of her sticky hand.

“Are you not eating with me?” Noah asked when Rafael took a few steps.

Rafael continued to walk away as he replied, “I’m not hungry.”

Noah sighed as he slumped back into his chair, pushing his food around his plate as he listened to Rafael’s disappearing footsteps.

 

Twenty minutes and some begging later, Rafael managed to find something Lucy was willing to wear; she finally decided on a sparkly pink and purple dress. Eventually, they were both walking back down the hallway to find the kitchen counter empty except for a few scattered dishes. With a sigh, Rafael led Lucy towards the living room; the sound from the TV growing louder with each step. Once he was in the doorway, he saw Noah relaxing, feet up, on the lounge watching some ninja cartoon; “Lucy, why don’t you watch TV with your brother?” Rafael suggested.

“I don’t wanna,” she pouted.

“Please,” Rafael sighed, “I just need five minutes to clean the kitchen.” Looking around the room, he added, “Look, there’s some toys over there.”

“But,” Lucy mumbled.

“Noah, will you change the channel to something she can watch,” Rafael muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Do I have to?” Noah questioned.

“Please,” Rafael grumbled. “I just… I need five minutes to think.”

“Fine,” Noah frowned as he changed the channel to some brightly coloured cartoon.

“Yay!” Lucy smiled as she ran across the room; stopping just before the TV.

Rafael watched as Noah threw the remote down the other end of the lounge; “Look Buddy,” Rafael sighed.

“Just forget it,” Noah muttered, “Don’t you have stuff to do?”

“Noah,” he paused; noticing the way Noah crossed his arms and avoided eye contact. “Okay, I’ll just be in the kitchen.”

He turned on his heels and left the living room and entered the kitchen again. Before he did anything, he quietly leaned forward on the countertop, putting his head in his hands. He took the moment to himself to collect his thoughts; after a few deep breaths, he decided to get cleaning. With no interruptions it only took him ten minutes to make the kitchen look spotless; Rafael couldn’t help but think it was probably the cleanest it has been in a long time. After hearing Lucy’s muffled giggle; he finally made his way back towards the lounge room. He stood in the doorway watching Lucy, with a confused frown on his face; she was jumping up and down on the spot as she watched TV.

“Uh,” Rafael muttered, “How long has she been like this?”

“Since you left,” Noah shrugged.

Lucy quickly spun around and smiled, “Wafi, look how big I can jump.”

He saw her give it everything she had as she jumped; “Wow,” he beamed, “That’s so high.” As she continued to jump, Rafael made his way over to the lounge, “You gonna move over?”

“There’s a chair over there,” Noah mumbled pointing to the arm chair.

“Hmm, I could do that orrr,” Rafael smiled as he sat on top of Noah.

“Hey!” Noah said trying to push Rafael.

“What?” Rafael shrugged, “I’m just sitting.”

Laughing, Noah pushed harder, “Get off me Rafi.”

“What? I’m sorry I can’t hear you,” he chuckled, trying to keep his balance.

“Dad!” Noah snorted, “Okay, okay, I’ll move over.”

Getting up a little so Noah could move, Rafael smiled, “See, that wasn’t so hard.”

“I guess not,” Noah muttered as he sat up properly.

Sitting back down, Rafael looked over to Lucy, who to his surprise was still jumping; “I guess she’s gonna be like that for a while,” he commented.

“Yeah,” Noah nodded, “Good luck.”

Turning back to Noah, Rafael asked, “What do you want to watch?”

“I thought we had to watch whatever she wanted,” Noah sighed.

“Something tells me she’s not watching it anymore,” Rafael commented as he reached for the remote. Tossing it onto Noah’s lap, he added, “You pick.”

Noah hesitantly picked up the remote before looking back at Rafael; “Are you sure?” he questioned.

“Yeah, put that show you were watching back on or find another one,” Rafael smiled softly. He relaxed into the lounge as quietly observed Lucy; she had now moved away from the TV and was sitting amongst her scattered toys, quietly whispering to herself.

 

Rafael had spent the best part of the next hour just watching Lucy; shocked at how quickly she moved from one side of the room to the other. Halfway through Noah’s show, Lucy had stopped quietly playing and started to run wildly around the room; Noah seemed unphased by it as he focused on the TV. As the show came to an end, Rafael checked his watch to find it was nearing 10am; after some thinking, he asked, “So, who wants to go out?”

“Out?” Noah frowned, “Where?”

“Anywhere,” Rafael shrugged.

“I’d rather just stay here,” he mumbled.

“I wanna go,” Lucy grinned.

“Oh yeah?” Rafael smiled, “Where would you like to go?”

“Um,” Lucy sighed, “I dunno.”

“We could go, um… Oh I know,” Rafael muttered, “How about we go to the shops for a few hours? We could get some lunch, maybe look at some toys or something. Doesn’t that sound good?”

“I want toys,” Lucy squealed as she jumped.

“Noah?” he asked.

“Do I have a choice?” Noah frowned, “I just wanted to stay here.”

“It’ll be good, just like the other day,” Rafael reassured, “You seemed to enjoy it.”

As he slowly getting off the lounge, Noah muttered, under his breath, “Yeah ‘cause it was just you.”

Not quite catching what Noah said through Lucy’s squealing; Rafael asked, “What was that?”

“Said I was getting ready,” Noah sighed as he walked out of the room.

“Okay, I want to leave soon,” Rafael called out to him. Hearing Noah’s footsteps slowly disappear, Rafael turned back to Lucy, “How about you go get me a brush and I’ll do your hair.”

“Okie!” Lucy smiled before running out of the room. Within minutes she was back; a brush in one hand and a doll in the other. Handing Rafael the hair brush, she said, “I want this.”

Confused, Rafael looked down at her other hand and saw the brunette doll with a long braid running down the middle. “Oh,” he mumbled. “I don’t know… How about a ponytail?”

“I want this,” she frowned, stomping her foot.

“Okay, okay, I’ll see what I can do,” he sighed; not wanting to disappoint his daughter. He moved further back into the lounge and pulled Lucy into the gap between his thighs; “It might take me a few tries,” he said as he started to brush her long hair. When it came time to braid her hair, he took out his phone and pulled up a tutorial video; which he had trouble following. After the third attempt, he looked back at his work and sighed; it was finished however it had hair sticking up in some places with a mix of tight and loose loops. Rolling his eyes, he undid it all again.

Soon after Noah walked back into the room; “Still no luck?” he smiled.

“No,” Rafael frowned, “You don’t happen-“

“I don’t know how to,” Noah interrupted as he sat in the arm chair.

“Lucy,” Rafael said gently, “I can’t do your hair like your doll.”

“But I want it,” she mumbled.

“I know but I don’t know how to do it,” Rafael sighed, “How about a ponytail for today?”

Folding her arms, Lucy grumbled, “Fine.”

When Rafael finished with Lucy’s hair, he quickly called for a cab before putting Lucy’s shoes on. In fifteen minutes, they were all sitting in the cab heading towards the shopping centre; Rafael and Noah sat on the edges while Lucy sat in the middle unable to stop moving.

 

Once they reached the shopping centre, Rafael held Lucy’s hand as they wandered around looking for different stores; Lucy let out a loud shriek as she let go of Rafael’s hand and started running. The boys followed Lucy’s lead into the toy store when she ran up to the first thing she saw; which happened to be a green stuffed monkey. By the time they caught up, Lucy had moved onto the next toy with an excited squeal. Dragging his feet, Noah sighed, “Do we have to be here?”

“We’ll have a quick look in here and then move to something you want to do,” Rafael sighed.

“I want to go home,” Noah grumbled.

Rafael stopped in his tracks as he turned to Noah, “Home?” he said; despite trying, his disappointment came through.

“I just…” Noah sighed.

Rafael let out a deep sigh as he knelt down next to him; before he could say anything, he heard another excited shriek from Lucy. With a quick check over his shoulder, he saw Lucy holding some blue fluffy thing; he was too preoccupied to care what it was. “Noah, what’s going on? I thought you wanted to come out with me.”

Noah shrugged, “I dunno.”

“Don’t do that,” Rafael said softly, “What’s bothering you?”

“I just want to go home, okay?” Noah frowned.

“Look!” Lucy rushed as she ran over.

Feeling Lucy tug on his sleeve, Rafael muttered, “Noah please-“

“Look!” Lucy huffed again; tugging on his sleeve harder. “I want this.”

“Not now,” Rafael sighed turning to her, “Just give me a second.” When Lucy, stomped away, he turned back to Noah, “Surely there’s something else you want to do?”

“No,” he sighed.

“Nothing?... At all?” Rafael questioned. “Am I… Would you…” he paused as he took a deep breath; his heart sinking, “Did you want Adam here instead?”

“I want you,” Noah sighed.

“Okay,” Rafael nodded, “Well, we’ll go home soon. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Noah mumbled as he started to walked away.

Slowly standing up, Rafael looked around the store; his heart dropped when he couldn’t see Lucy. “Where’s your sister?” Rafael rushed.

“Dunno,” Noah shrugged.

“Lucy?” Rafael called out. When he didn’t get an answer; his chest felt tight as he frantically snapped his head around the room. “Fuuuck,” he whispered as he ran his hand through roughly his hair, “Esto no puede volver a pasar.” Unable to breath, he caught the attention of a passing woman, “Ex-cuse me,” he mumbled. “Have you seen a little girl? Brown hair, about yay-high-“

“I’m sorry,” she sighed, “I just got here.”

Seeing the panic on Rafael’s face brought up some familiar memories for Noah; short flashes of being taken in the park ran through his mind. With a quick breath, Noah pushed the memories away and started to look around too; “Lucy? Sis?”

“Noah stay close,” Rafael rushed as he grabbed the boys’ arm. In a brief moment of clarity, Rafael heard the little girls giggle; following the sound, they both walked down an isle and saw her sitting mixed in with giant stuffed panda’s. Letting go of Noah, Rafael quickly ran over to her and pulled her out of the toys, “Don’t you EVER do that again!” he growled, “Do you hear me!”

Being startled by Rafael’s loud voice, Lucy started to cry.

Seeing the tears roll down her face, Rafael pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. After a much-needed breath, he kissed the top of her head.

“I-I-I’m s-sow-wy,” she cried.

Rafael glanced up and saw Noah leaning against the shelf just watching; “Please don’t tell your mother,” he murmured.

With a quick nod, Noah said, “I won’t.”

In an attempt to calm Lucy down, Rafael softly said, “Hey… it’s okay. How about we look at some toys?”

Lucy sniffled into Rafael’s chest, “I don’t wanna.”

“Sure you do,” Rafael smiled, “We can look at the princess stuff.”

Lifting her head; eyes red from crying, she smiled, “Okay!”

Rafael slowly let go of her and they walked quietly towards the really girly section of the toy store; Lucy squealed as she saw lots of pretty dolls and sparkly dresses. Eventually she stopped at a pretty sparkly, pink and purple dress; “I want this,” she smiled.

“Uh,” Rafael hesitated, “Why don’t you try it on?”

“Are you going to buy it?” Noah asked.

“I don’t know yet,” Rafael shrugged.

“Then don’t let her try it on,” Noah commented.

“It’ll be fine,” Rafael sighed; “Lucy, come on, let’s put it on.”

After a few minutes, they emerged from the dressing room and Lucy twerled around in front of the mirror, “I look like a pwincess!” she grinned.

Rafael smiled as he watched her, then he looked down at the price tag on the dress; it was a lot more than he was expecting. “Lucy, I think it’s time to take it off,” he sighed, “We can come back another day and buy it.”

“No!” she frowned. “I’m having it!”

“No,” he mumbled, “You’ve got to take it off.”

“Told you,” Noah muttered under his breath.

Rafael saw the way Lucy was getting riled up; she was stomping her foot, she had a massive frown as her eyes began to water. This was going to be his first tantrum if he wasn’t careful; after what had just happened moments ago, he wasn’t willing to risk it so without hesitation, he sighed, “Fine. You can have it.”

Noah rolled his eyes as he walked towards the toy guns; “I’m just over here,” Noah sighed.

“Okay,” Rafael nodded before turning to Lucy again. “Come on, let’s see if there’s other things you want,” he muttered. If he was going to spend a lot of money, he was going to make damn sure it was worth it.

After ten minutes of looking they finally made it to the counter; they had two pairs of fairy wings, one pink and one purple, a pretty tiara as well as the dress Lucy refused to take off. Looking at all the things he was getting Lucy, Rafael looked over his shoulder and asked Noah, “Did you want anything?”

“No,” he sighed.

“You sure?” Rafael questioned.

“I just want to go home,” Noah mumbled.

Rafael nodded as he turned back to the cashier and paid for everything. Once they left the store, Rafael put Lucy onto his shoulders as he carried all the bags with Noah following closely behind. They quickly got some lunch before hailing a taxi and heading home; on the way home, Lucy fell asleep in Rafael’s lap.

Once they were home; Rafael gently placed Lucy on the lounge without waking her while Noah disappeared into his room. Deciding to take advantage of his time alone, he slowly cleaned the living room as quietly as possible so Lucy didn’t wake up. Almost an hour later Lucy woke up to a clean living room and just as she reached the toybox, Rafael caught her and convinced her to play outside with him.

 

When Olivia got home, she closed the door behind herself before walking through the house. She ducked her head in the living room for signs of anyone but to her surprise; it was neat and tidy but no one was there. Confused, she continued up the hallway, “Hello?” she questioned. Olivia paused outside Noah’s closed door; with a soft knock, she asked, “Noah, are you in there?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

She gently pushed the door open just enough to poke her head inside to find Noah sitting on his bed, “What are you doing in here?” she asked.

“Reading,” Noah shrugged.

“Where’s your sister?”

“I dunno with Rafi,” he sighed. “Try outside, she wanted to play.”

 “Okay,” she nodded, “I don’t want you stuck in here all afternoon so why don’t you finish your chapter and join everyone else.”

“Fine,” Noah grumbled.

Olivia sighed as she closed Noah’s door and walked back towards the kitchen. As she walked through, she took a glass from a high shelf and wandered over towards the sink. While she waited for her glass to fill, she looked through the window; her eyes immediately drawn to Rafael sitting at the tiny table with Lucy across from him. Lucy’s laughter filled the backyard as she filled their little tea cups. Olivia couldn’t help but smile at what they were wearing; Lucy was wearing a pink and purple sparkly dress with a tiara and pink fairy wings while Rafael was in black shorts, a white button up t-shirt and, to Olivia’s surprise, purple fairy wings. Turning off the tap, she stood there watching them play for a while until she saw Rafael slowly getting out of his chair and starting for the door; Lucy following him. Wanting to play it cool, Olivia took a few steps towards the counter and picked up a magazine.

As she leaned against the counter, she heard the squeak of the screen door opening which was shortly followed by Rafael muttering, “Ah, crap,” as he got stuck in the door.

“O Oh!” Lucy giggled.

“Rafael?” she asked.

“Yeah, one sec,” he answered. He quickly twisted his body, preventing his wings from getting stuck again, as he walked through the door. He took a few steps inside before finding Olivia leaning against the kitchen reading a magazine, “Hey,” he smiled.

Olivia glanced up and smiled, “How was your day?”

“Mommy!” Lucy grinned as she ran up to Olivia; holding her hands up, “I want up.” When Olivia picked, Lucy added, “Look, I’m a faiwy pwincess.”

“You look beautiful,” Olivia smiled. “Are these wings new?” she questioned, flicking her gaze over to Rafael.

“I.. uh,” he chuckled with a guilty smile, “I might have made the mistake of letting her try it on in the shops.”

“Ah,” Olivia nodded; knowing all too well what Lucy’s like at the shops. “But that doesn’t explain your wings.”

“Well, I had to match,” Rafael winked, “But let’s face it, I look damn good in purple.”

“He’s a faiwy too,” Lucy giggled.

“Is that so?” Olivia questioned.

With a big nod, Lucy smiled, “Yep but he’s not a good pwincess.”

“I’m trying my best,” Rafael said softly.

Placing Lucy back on the ground, Olivia said, “Why don’t you go find your brother?”

“Okie,” Lucy nodded as she started skipping down the hallway.

“Don’t touch anything,” Olivia called out. Hearing Lucy’s footsteps disappear, Olivia turned to Rafael, “I’m so happy to see you two bonding.”

“To be honest,” Rafael smiled, “It reminds me of when Noah used to build forts out of my lounge in my old apartment.”

“You remember that?” Olivia smiled.

“Of course, I loved it,” he nodded.

He was about to add something when they heard Noah yelling, “LUCY! THAT’S MINE!”

“I want it!” Lucy yelled back.

“NO!” Noah growled.

Shortly after there were loud footsteps running down the hallway; Lucy appeared first, screaming, but Noah was close behind, “Hey, hey,” Rafael rushed as he stepped between them. “What’s going on?”

“SHE’S GOT CHARLIE!” Noah huffed. “He’s mine.”

Lucy ran to Olivia and hid behind her legs, snuggling the stuffed dog, “He’s scawy.”

“Liv, can you get Charlie?” Rafael asked.

“Why can’t you let her play with him?” Olivia asked looking at Noah.

“She doesn’t get to have everything,” Noah frowned, “He was mine first.”

“Olivia, it’s Noah’s,” Rafael frowned, “You know what it means to him.”

“She’s not going to hurt him,” Olivia sighed.

“Stop trying to take everything away from me!” Noah shouted. “Rafi’s mine!” he paused at the slip of name. “I meant Charlie.”

Rafael felt his heart sink; turning his attention to Noah, he softly said, “Noah-“

“Forget it,” Noah mumbled, “She does whatever she wants.”

“Lucy’s just a kid,” Rafael explained.

“I didn’t mean her,” he grumbled as he turned on his heels and left before anyone else could talk to him.

Not long after Noah disappeared, his door was slammed shut; Rafael heard Olivia sigh, “I’ll go talk to him-”

“No,” he interrupted, “I think it’s best if I do but I’m going to need Charlie.” With a deep breath, Rafael walked over to Olivia and knelt down as he looked behind her legs to see Lucy, “How about you give me that?”

“No,” she pouted, “I want it.”

“Please Lucy,” Rafael sighed, “For Noah.”

“But,” Lucy mumbled as she tightened her grip on the toy. “It’s mine.”

“Lucy,” Olivia chimed in, “Give the toy to Rafael and we can go watch something on TV.”

“O-kay,” Lucy rolled her eyes as she passed the toy to Rafael.

“Thank you, Princesa,” Rafael said; which got a smile from his daughter. He slowly stood up and started down the hallway; he knocked gently on the door but with no answer, he pushed it open, “Noah?”

“Go away,” he sniffled.

“I’m not going to do that,” Rafael sighed as he tried to enter the room but his wings got stuck again. “Crap,” he whispered.

“Just take the stupid things off,” Noah grumbled.

Rafael sighed as he removed each arm from the wings and placed them just outside the door before entering. He remained quiet as he went to sit on the edge of Noah’s bed; he watched as Noah moved further away from him. “Here,” Rafael said softly as he placed Charlie next to Noah, “I think he belongs to you.”

“I don’t care,” Noah mumbled as he pushed the toy off the bed.

Rafael leaned down, letting out a groan, and picked up the toy; brushing some dirt off Charlie’s fur, Rafael sighed, “You know, just because I spend time with your sister doesn’t mean I’m going to spend less time with you.”

“Whatever,” Noah sighed.

Now looking down at Charlie while he fiddled with the toys ears, Rafael added, “Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”

“She was giving away Charlie,” Noah mumbled.

Rafael placed Charlie next to Noah again but this time Noah sat up and pulled the toy closer to him. “Look, we both know this isn’t really about Charlie or your Mother,” Rafael sighed, “Please just tell me the truth.”

The room feel into a short silence as Noah started to play with Charlie’s ears; Rafael noticed Noah fighting against tears. With a shuddering breath, Noah muttered, “Y-you were my D-Dad first and I just don’t want you to lose you again.”

With his heart sinking, Rafael moved closer to Noah as he reassured, “I’m not going anywhere.” Wrapping an arm around Noah’s shoulder, he added, “No one’s ever going to replace what we have.”

“How c-can you be so sure?” Noah sniffled, “W-What if one day-“

“I’m going to stop you there,” Rafael interrupted. “There are no what ifs. You are my son and I’ll never abandon you.”

“You say that now,” Noah mumbled, “But Lucy-“

“Lucy’s younger so she needs more attention,” Rafael explained, “But you’re right, I shouldn’t be completely focused on her and I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Noah sniffled.

“No, it’s not,” Rafael sighed, “Know that I love you and I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was forgetting about you.” Feeling Noah’s head lean against his chest, Rafael thought of an idea, “How about we make a deal?”

Still playing with Charlie’s ears, Noah questioned, “A deal?”

“Once a week, we do something together… Just us,” Rafael smiled softly. “A father and son thing.”

“You’d really do that?” Noah asked, lifting his head to look at Rafael.

“I’d do anything for you,” Rafael nodded. When Noah smiled back, Rafael hesitantly added, “But… you’re gonna have to do something for me.”

“What’s that?”

“You need to stop giving your Mother such a hard time,” Rafael sighed. “I know you’re mad but it’s time to start letting go of what happened.”

“I know, I don’t mean to do it, it just happens,” Noah sighed. After a few short breaths, he questioned, “But does that mean you’ve forgiven her?

“I...” Rafael paused; he wasn’t sure how he felt anymore. He was still angry about the years he missed but after spending so much time with them, he was reminded how much he loves her. “I’ll be honest with you,” he sighed, “I’m working on it.”

“Well, I hope you do forgive her,” Noah mumbled, “I miss you.”

Rafael leaned his head on top of Noah’s as he said, “I miss you too.” The room fell into silence as they both just enjoyed being with each other; after a while, Rafael cleared his throat and stood up. “We’re probably going to watch a movie soon, you’re welcome to join us.”

Watching Rafael walk towards the door, Noah sighed, “I don’t know, I think I might just stay in here.”

“If you change your mind, you know where to find us,” Rafael smiled softly before heading out the door. As Rafael walked down the hallway, he heard Olivia and Lucy talking in the lounge room; once he reached the doorway he quietly stopped and watched.

“I saw a b-big, um,” Lucy paused as she searched for the right word. “Woof woof,” she laughed.

“Oh,” Olivia nodded, “You saw a puppy.”

“Yes!” she smiled, “A p-p-uppy.”

“What did it say again?” Olivia smiled softly.

“WOOF WOOF!” Lucy said proudly as she jumped off Olivia’s lap. She jumped up and down on the spot as she repeated herself over and over again.

Olivia couldn’t fight her laughter as she watched her daughter; her cheeks sore from smiling.

Unable to stay quiet, Rafael chuckled as he walked into the room; “What’s going on?”

“I’m a p-puppy,” Lucy beamed.

“A puppy? How come?” he smiled.

“She was telling me about the big dog she saw today,” Olivia explained.

“We didn’t see a dog,” Rafael said confused.

“Well she saw something,” Olivia smiled.

Rafael thought about the day as he sat down next to Olivia on the lounge; “Ohh,” he said suddenly. “It wasn’t a dog, it was a toy.”

“What toy?” Olivia questioned.

“A panda bear, though it looked a lot like a dog,” Rafael smiled. Turning to Lucy, he brought his hands up like a claw and crinkled his nose, “They say Grrrr.”

Lucy paused as she brought both hands up like Rafael’s and smiled, “GRRRRR!”

Rafael gave a quick wink to her, “That’s my girl.”

While Lucy went around the room pretending to be a bear; Olivia turning to Rafael and asked, “So… How’s Noah?”

“He’s a little jealous but we’ve sorted it out,” Rafael replied. “Nothing you need worry about.”

“I hope not,” Olivia nodded.

In the brief moment of silence between the two, Lucy ran up and roared, “GRRR!” Her hands like claws, her nose crinkled just like Rafael showed her but she had a massive grin running across her face.

“Don’t make Papa bear come get you,” Rafael said leaning forward slight on the lounge; holding up his hands.

Lucy squealed as she ran across the room, towards her toys. Seeing Rafael wasn’t chasing her, she gave him a quick growl before she poked her tongue out. When Rafael flinched a little, she quickly sat down, “I’m not pwaying wif you,” she pouted as she picked up her doll.

“You play with them,” Rafael chuckled as leaned back into the lounge.

As the room settled down again, Olivia asked, “How was your day?”

“My day?” he repeated. “It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“Yeah,” she sighed.

“How do you do it?” he questioned.

“Do what?”

“Do right by both of them so they’re both happy,” he sighed.

“You just try,” Olivia said softly, “That’s all we can do. You’ll make mistakes but that’s what parenting is, you learn as you go.”

“I’m sick of learning,” he mumbled, “I just… I want to make up for lost time but I can’t do that if I can’t get the time I have right.”

“Hon,” she sighed, “You have to give yourself some credit, you’re doing just fine.”

Ignoring Olivia, Rafael turned to his daughter, “Lucy, why don’t you go put your pyjama’s on?”

“No,” Lucy frowned as she continued to play.

Rafael was about to say something when Olivia jumped in, “Lucia, you do as you’re told.”

“No,” she growled.

“Then I guess we’re not watching a movie,” Olivia shrugged.

“But,” Lucy said as she snapped her head to her mother. “But I wanna watch a movie.”

“Then go get changed,” Olivia replied. With a big huff as she threw down her toys, Lucy stood up and stomped out of the room. Olivia turned back to Rafael with a small smile, “See, she’s a Barba.”

Rafael let out a small laugh as the room slowly fell into silence. Without Lucy, there was nothing to hide behind; no conversation was off limits and they both sensed that. After a few long minutes of silence, Rafael was the first to say something; “Did you talk to Adam yet?” he questioned.

“No,” she sighed. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to fire him.”

“Give me his number and I’ll do it,” Rafael huffed, “I don’t want Adam around here anymore.”

“You don’t need to be so defensive about him,” Olivia sighed. “You know I’m not in a relationship with him.”

“Sure, I don’t like the idea of you with another man,” Rafael mumbled, “But has it ever occurred to you that the main reason why I don’t like him is because he knows my kids better than I do… and that doesn’t sit right with me.”

Her heart broke a little as she looked into his eyes; “Rafi.”

“I don’t know how long he’s been working for you but… he’s watched them grow and I haven’t,” Rafael said softly.  “If I have to play catch up, let me.”

“I understand that but what happens when you go back to work?” she questioned.

“I’m not going back to work,” he mumbled.

“Rafael, you’ve got to be realistic,” she sighed.

“I am, I’ve got enough money from my inheritance to live comfortably through my retirement,” he muttered.  “I won’t be some over qualified cashier.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Not really wanting to lose the best babysitter she’s had in years, she continued to think until one thought just blurted out; “What happens if we go on a date?”

Rafael paused as he sat there, wide-eyed; he moved his gaze away from her as he thought. The concept wasn’t foreign to him but he had been so focused on his kids, he never really entertained the thought of actually being alone with Olivia. “A.. d-deh-,” his words disappearing into a strangled sigh.

Olivia watched as his eyes started to flicker slowly back and forth; the sight was a little concerning but when he finally spoke again, her worries were immediately abandoned.

“I hadn’t… really thought about that,” he sighed. “Um, did you even want to... uh... you know?”

“Go on a date?” she asked slowly. When he gave a quick nod without looking at her, she shrugged, “Eventually.”

“Eventually,” Rafael quietly repeated to himself.

“Rafa, I just meant that it would be nice to spend some time with just you but it doesn’t have to be right away,” she comforted, “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Right,” he nodded. They both let the conversation fall silent as Rafael tried to come to terms with the thought of dating. He wasn’t sure why it was so hard for him to imagine being intimate with her when he knew for a fact that he still loved her. After a few minutes, a frown appeared on Rafael’s face as he snapped his head back to Olivia; “Hey, don’t think I forgot what we were talking about.”

“I wasn’t trying to distract you,” she sighed.

“I still don’t want him around here,” he grumbled. “You might have a point when it comes to… us, but that doesn’t mean I have to like him.”

“The kids like him, I-” she paused, “Look, he does a good job, Rafael.”

“I’ll do a good job,” he whispered under his breath.

Olivia’s heart broke a little when she managed to hear what he said; “Hon, you do a great job. I saw you playing with Lucy in the backyard and the smile on her face just says it all. She adores you.”

“She doesn’t know me,” he mumbled.

“Rafael-“

“Mommy!” Lucy smiled as she ran into the room. “I’m weady, can we watch the movie now?”

“Um, y-yeah,” Olivia sighed as she watched Rafael.

Knowing Olivia wanted to finish their conversation, Rafael sighed, “Adam can stay but just promise me you’ll call me first.”

“I can do that,” she agreed. She watched as Rafael turned his gaze towards Lucy before doing so herself; their daughter was standing in front of the TV, waiting for it to turn on. “Lucy, sweetie,” Olivia said softy. When Lucy turned around, she added, “Why don’t you pass me the remote so I can start it.”

Nodding, Lucy walked over to the coffee table and picked up the remote as she made her way towards her mother. As Olivia picked her up and placed Lucy on her lap, Lucy smiled as she held out the heavy remote, “Here Mommy.”

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled back as she took it.

While Olivia was busy setting up the movie, Noah quietly walked into the room holding Charlie. Rafael gave him a soft smile as Noah walked across the room, towards them; when he reached the lounge, without a word, he held out Charlie for Lucy. Speechless, Rafael and Olivia shared a glance at each other before returning their gaze to their children. Lucy smiled as she took hold of Charlie, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Lucy,” Olivia whispered, “What do you say?”

“Fank you,” Lucy grinned.

Noah gave a quick nod, without saying anything, as he walked further down the lounge to sit next to Rafael. When he sat down Rafael wrapped one arm around his son, pulling him closer as Olivia started the movie.

 

As the movie came to an end almost two hours later, Rafael looked around at his kids; Noah was fast asleep next to him while Lucy was passed out on the floor. Rafael turned to Olivia with a soft smile as he said, “I suppose we should get the little ones to bed.”

“I’ll take Lucy,” she nodded as she stood up.

Rafael watched as Olivia picked up Lucy with ease before disappearing out of the room. Unable to stand up until he moved Noah, Rafael decided to wiggle his arms underneath his son and attempt to stand up together. On his second attempt, he managed to keep his balance and to his surprise, Noah was still asleep. After a short walk down the hallway, Rafael placed Noah softly in his bed; once he pulled up the covers, Rafael leaned down and kissed his son softly on the head before turning out the light. Once the door was closed, Rafael quietly walked back down the hallway to see Olivia standing in the living room, turning the TV off. With a deep sigh, Rafael said, “I should get going, it’s getting late.”

“You could stay,” Olivia suggested, turning to him.

He hesitated as he rubbed the back of his neck, “I don’t know.”

“Why not?” she asked, “It would be nice to wake up and have you here.”

“Liv, I’m not in that place,” he sighed.

“Is it the sleeping arrangements?” she questioned. When he looked away from her, she said, “I wasn’t expecting you to share my bed… I have a guest room.”

“Oh?” he said sounding surprised as he turned to face her. “I didn’t know… Um…”

“The offer is there,” she smiled softly; hoping he’d say yes.

“I…” he mumbled; unsure of what to do. After some internal debating, Rafael surprised himself when he said, “I suppose it would be nice if I didn’t have to go.”

“You don’t,” she replied as she started for the doorway; “Follow me and I’ll take you to your room.”

“Thank you,” he said, following her.

They both walked down the hallway until Olivia reached a closed door between Noah’s and her own; “It’s not much,” Olivia sighed as she pushed to door open. Rafael stood quietly as he looked at the simple, white room that was complimented by some dark furniture and a single bed in the middle. As he looked around, he noticed the piles of paperwork and old books stacked on the dresser. “It’s probably not as glamorous as your hotel but it’s something,” she added.

“It’s perfect,” he replied.

“Well I guess, I’ll see you in the morning,” Olivia smiled, leaning on the doorway.

Rafael stepped around her as he entered the room; stopping just before the bed, he turned and smiled, “Night Liv.”

 

During the middle of the night, Olivia woke up to Noah calling out, “Daddy! Mommy!”

With her heart in her chest, she leapt out of bed and rushed towards the bedroom door; just as she opened it, she saw Rafael disappearing into Noah’s room. The sight was comforting as she stood there for a moment, allowing her heart-rate to lower; knowing Noah was in safe hands, she turned back into her room and went back to bed.

 

Rafael quietly closed the door behind himself as he looked at Noah; he had already turned on his bedside table and attempted to hide his tears. Taking a few steps closer to the bed, Rafael softly said, “I’m here.”

As he rubbed his eyes, Noah sniffled, “I didn’t mean to-“

“Shh,” Rafael soothed as he knelt down next to the bed. “It’s fine, would you like a glass of water?”

“N-no,” Noah sighed. “C-can… you stay with me tonight?”

“Of course,” Rafael smiled as he lowered his gaze to Noah’s single bed; he contemplated if he’d even fit. As he slowly stood up, he tried to think of an alternative but his bed wasn’t any bigger. Eventually Rafael broke his silence, “Scooch over.”

Noah wiped his face with his sleeve as he moved over for Rafael; soon after, he was wrapped up tightly in his father’s arms while he snuggled into Rafael’s chest.

Feeling his son relax against him, Rafael reached over and turned off the light; as he relaxed in the bed, he placed his head on top of Noah’s and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes, Noah quietly said, “I’m sorry.”

Opening his eyes, Rafael tightened his arms around Noah in an attempt to comfort his son; “You never have to apologise,” he whispered, “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I just… I thought I was alone,” Noah sniffled, “Stuck in that cold, dark room again.”

Rafael hesitantly said, “Can I ask you something?” When Noah nodded into Rafael’s chest, he asked, “I know you don’t like talking about it but did they hurt you?”

“Sometimes,” Noah admitted, “They only hit me if I didn’t listen but they said they were going to kill me.”

“And that’s what you see when you close your eyes?” Rafael questioned; knowing the feeling all too well.

Noah remained quiet for a little while before answering the question with a mousy, “Yes.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael whispered, a tear of his own resting in his eye. “You should try and get some sleep-“

“Please don’t leave,” Noah begged.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Rafael replied, tightening is arms around his son.

“I love you,” Noah whispered as he closed his eyes.”

Rafael moved his head slightly and gave Noah a gentle kiss on the top of his head, “I love you too.”

Not long after, Noah was fast asleep in Rafael’s arms however Rafael had a harder time falling back to sleep. He couldn’t escape the thought of what Noah had gone through all alone because he failed to keep him safe. After a while, all of his thoughts disappeared as he fell asleep.

 

The next day, Olivia woke up to a quiet morning, which was unusual these days. After a quick stretch, she rolled out of bed and shuffled out the door; while she walked down the hallway, she ducked her head in Lucy’s room to find her quietly playing on the floor with her toys. She stood there for a moment debating whether to disturb her or not, eventually she said, “Lucy, if you’re hungry I’ll make you some breakfast.”

The little girl jumped at the sudden voice before turning to the doorway; when she saw Olivia, she smiled, “Okay Mommy.”

After a quick smile back, Olivia started down the hallway again until she reached Noah’s room. She slowly opened the door to find Rafael lying in an awkward position with one leg completely off the bed, his head leaning on his shoulder and Noah wrapped up in his arms with the blanket nearly on the floor. The sight warmed her heart. She quietly walked into the room and up to the bed; she smiled as she pulled Noah’s blanket back onto the two boys. She ran a gentle hand on Noah’s head before leaning down and kissing him; when she was standing back up, she ran her hand through Rafael’s hair, brushing it out of his face. When he started to stir, Olivia quickly pulled her hand away and started for the door only to be startled by Lucy.

“Mommy,” the little girl pouted, “I’m hungry.”

“Okay,” Olivia whispered. She took hold of Lucy’s hand as they walked down the hallway; once they were in the kitchen Olivia said, “Go sit up at the bench and I’ll get you some cereal.”

“Okay,” Lucy sighed as she walked over to the chairs.

“It’s not that bad,” Olivia replied, “You like it. Who knows maybe today you’ll get the prize in the box.”

“I hope so,” Lucy smiled as she climbed the chair and sat down.

It took Olivia a couple of minutes to pour Lucy her cereal and give it to her; afterwards, she made herself her morning coffee. As she leaned against the bench sipping at her hot cup of coffee; Lucy slowly finished her breakfast.

When she was done, Lucy pushed the bowl across the counter and asked, “Can I pwease have some juice?”

“Sure,” Olivia nodded as she put her coffee down.  As she poured Lucy a glass of juice, she heard a few footsteps walking down the hallway; lifting her head she saw Noah with Rafael following close behind. “Morning sleepy heads,” Olivia smiled.

“Good morning,” Noah yawned.

Rafael rubbed his sore neck as he sighed, “Yeah, morning.”

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

“No,” Noah mumbled, “Can I watch some TV?”

“Sure,” she nodded.

“Can I watch too?” Lucy asked.

“I thought you wanted juice?” Olivia asked.

“I wanna watch TV,” Lucy shrugged.

With a sigh, Olivia put down Lucy’s juice, “Sure, go watch TV with Noah.”

Rafael watched as both kids walked towards the living room as he tried to stretch his back; “Is she gonna drink that?” he asked pointing to the glass of orange juice.

“No, you can have it,” Olivia replied, “But I would have thought you’d want a cup of coffee.”

“Maybe later,” he mumbled as he walked over and picked up the glass. After taking a sip of the bitter juice, he yawned, “By the way, we need to get Noah a bigger bed.”

Olivia gave a small laugh, “Well, you’re not supposed to sleep in it.”

“I wasn’t going to leave him,” Rafael replied.

“I know,” she nodded, “Thank you for doing that last night. It means a lot.”

“Well from the countless times you held me in the middle of the night, I know it works,” he mumbled as he walked across the kitchen towards the sink. “It just… it makes you feel safe to know someone’s there.”

“I’m happy to hear that you’re there for Noah like that,” Olivia said softly.

“I know what it feels like to fall apart and I don’t want that for him,” he muttered as he took a big swig of his drink.

“Raf-“

“It doesn’t matter,” he sighed into his glass. He remained quiet as he finished the juice; as he placed the glass in the sink, he muttered, “But I do think we need to get him a bigger bed.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Olivia nodded. The room fell silent as Olivia went back to her cup of coffee and Rafael found himself reading the main story on the local Newspaper. As Olivia finished her coffee, she sighed, “I’m going to get out of my pyjamas and maybe afterwards we could talk about organising something to do today.”

“Sounds good,” Rafael smiled before watching her disappear down the hallway.

 

Once Olivia was dressed, she walked back down the hallway; as she reached the living room, she leaned in to see the kids happily watching TV together. The sight made her smile; with Rafael around, it was finally beginning to feel like her family was getting back on track. She stood there for a while until she heard Rafael’s muffled voice travelling down the hallway; curious, she turned towards the kitchen. As she approached, she noticed he was on the phone as he paced in and out of view.

“We had a deal,” he growled.

“Hon?” she asked softly. As she entered the kitchen, she locked eyes with Rafael and gave him a reassuring smile.

Clenching his jaw as he looked at Olivia; he huffed, “Solo jodidamente hazlo,” before hanging up.

Olivia waited a few seconds, allowing Rafael to calm down, before asking, “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he mumbled. “Just a rough call.”

“Looked like it,” she nodded. After some thought, she hesitantly asked, “Who was that? You friend from New York?”

“Friend? What friend-” he paused, “Oh... N-no.”

“No?” she questioned, “Do you mind if I ask who then?”

“Uhhh,” he muttered; rubbing a hand on the back of his neck as he thought. “It was... um, my realtor,” he lied.

“Realtor?” she frowned. _Why was he lying?_ She thought, _Maybe he’s not_. Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, she asked, “When did you start looking for a house? Where are you looking?”

“What’s with the 3rd degree?” he frowned.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” she replied.

“I didn’t want to say anything until it was definite,” he sighed.

Olivia nodded as she took a cautious step towards him, “You know, you could just move in with me.”

Feeling guilty, Rafael took a step back, “Give it some thought first,” he mumbled, “Who knows what you’ll want in a few days.”

“I want you and I never hid that,” she reassured with a soft smile. “The guest room is yours if you want it.”

Drawing a deep breath, he shook his head slightly; “Liv,” he hesitated, “Look, just think about it for a few days.”

“Why?” she asked, “I’ve wanted this since the day you found me. Whatever’s going on, we can do it together.”

Letting out a slight groan, he took a step towards her; “I’m sorry but I’ve got to go.”

“Rafa,” she sighed.

“I’ve gotta do some stuff today,” he paused, “But I’ve been thinking we could take the kids to the beach.”

“Sure,” she agreed, “When?”

“This weekend,” he replied.

“Okay,” Olivia nodded, “Come here again and we’ll all go together.”

“Thanks,” he smiled. He hesitantly closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her close.

Gently wrapping her arms around his waist, she whispered, “I’m here if you need me.”

Without saying anything, Rafael tightened his grip around her before letting go; “Talk soon,” he said with a heavy breath.

Olivia watched silently as he turned on his heels and walked away from her; after saying a quick goodbye to his slightly disappointed kids, he left. He spent the rest of the afternoon on and off the phone as he paced around his hotel room wishing to be anywhere else.

 

A few days later, Rafael joined his family at Olivia’s house before they all headed off to the beach; it was surprisingly easy to convince the kids to get in the car once they knew where they were going. Once they reached the beach, the kids raced out of the car and down to the sand while Rafael and Olivia followed behind, carrying all the towels, toys and food. When the found a good spot to set up, Rafael helped Olivia lay the large beach towel down before placing everything else on top. “Kids,” Rafael called out.

“What?” Noah yelled back.

“You need to put sunscreen on,” he replied.

The kids both begrudgingly walked back and allowed their parents to lather them in sunscreen, “I don’t know why you do this,” Noah mumbled, “I’m gonna get burnt anyway.”

“Not if I can help it,” Rafael retorted.

Once Rafael finished putting sunscreen on Noah, he quickly ran away and started building a sand castle; shortly after Lucy joined her big brother. He looked around the big towel they were sitting on until his eyes landed on Noah’s ball; he chuckled to himself as he leaned forward to get it.

When Olivia heard his chuckle, she looked over to him and saw this cheek grin appear on his face; “What?” she smiled.

“I want a rematch,” he answered.

“A rematch?” She questioned.

“Mhmm,” he nodded, “You cheated last time in the park so I want to play again.”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “It’s a lot harder to play on sand.”

“What? Are you chicken?” Rafael mocked.

“No,” she laughed, “I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Pfft,” he scoffed as he stood up, “You’re just scared cause you know you can’t win.”

“Ohh,” Olivia laughed, “Is that so?” Rafael nodded as he made a few chicken noises at Olivia. She knew he was egging her on but she couldn’t help herself, she quickly stood up as she smiled, “Bring it on.”

“Kids,” Rafael called out, not taking his eyes of his wife. “We’re gonna play soccer, want to play?”

“I’M ON RAFI’S TEAM!” Noah yelled as he quickly dropped his bucket of sand.

“I wanna pway!” Lucy giggled as she followed Noah.

They walked away from their stuff until there was enough room to play; when Noah stood next to Rafael, he mumbled, “We can’t let them win again.”

“Don’t worry,” Rafael smirked, “They won’t.”

“You talk big now, Mr Barba,” Olivia smiled, “But as reigning champion, I must say that you’ve got no chance.”

“The bigger they are, the harder they fall,” Rafael retorted.

“Are we pwaying?” Lucy asked.

Rafael laughed as he placed the ball on the ground, “We sure are.”

Noah got the first kick but it was shortly stopped by Olivia who passed it to Lucy; the game was tense as each team scored one after another. Eventually the boys got a two-point lead but Olivia was determined to close the gap as she ran between Rafael and Noah, stealing the ball. “GET HER!” Noah yelled with a big smile.

As Olivia ran up the beach, Rafael quickly came up behind her, closing the gap. When he tried to take the ball from her something went wrong; whether it was his foot getting stuck in the sand or a poor attempt at getting the ball, he wasn’t sure but he had somehow tripped himself and was falling quickly. In a last-minute attempt to keep his balance he held out his arms and grabbed Olivia; which only pulled her down with him. Sand went flying as they both landed; somehow Rafael managed to get his hands out behind Olivia to stop his full weight landing on top of her. They both laughed as they tried to understand what had just happened; as their laughter died down, Rafael realised his face was only inches away from hers. His eyes darting between hers and her lips; desperately wanting to close the gap. Just when Olivia went to lean into him, he cleared his throat and sat up; “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she smiled, a hint of disappointment in her voice. “I told you sand was hard to run on.”

“Yeah, I think it might be time to call it,” he mumbled.

“What? You fall over once and you want to quit?” she questioned.

He gave her a small smile, “No, I just… I think I need to catch my breath.”

“Come on,” Olivia mumbled.

“You’re just mad cause we’re winning,” Rafael said softly as he held out a hand.

Olivia took hold of his hand; “Gotta give me a chance to win,” she sighed as he helped her up.

“Nah,” he winked, “I think I’ll take the win on this one.”

“Alright,” she smiled, “I think it’s time for lunch anyway.”

After convincing the kids to come eat something; they all sat down at ate lunch for a while, just talking amongst themselves. After lunch, the kids went back to their sandcastles and as they raced against the growing tide, Rafael joined them. Twenty minutes had passed by the time they finished building their castle; it was huge with lots of different sections and one confusing hole where Lucy helped, it was even decorated with lovely pieces of shells and golden leaves as flags. When they were done, they walked back to Olivia to show her; she smiled as she pulled out her phone and started taking pictures.

 They watched the tide slowly engulf their sandcastle from the safety of the big towel; within half an hour, it was gone. After watching the water rise, Noah felt the urge to go swimming so he turned to Rafael and asked, “Can we go swimming?”

“Uh,” he sighed, “You can.”

“But I want to go with you,” Noah replied.

“I…” Rafael paused when he saw the growing disappointment on Noah’s face. “Okay,” he reluctantly agreed. Rafael took hold of the bottom of his black shirt and in one quick movement, he took it off; as he emptied his pockets, he looked at Olivia and asked, “Mind holding this for me?”

Olivia couldn’t help herself; she glanced down his now bare chest and took in each scar. The sight was mesmerizing; there were a lot more than she remembered and each one told their own horrible story.

“Olivia,” he said firmly, “You still there?”

“Sorry,” she sighed as she tore her gaze from his chest and back up to his face.

“You’ve seen them before,” he mumbled.

“I know but I’ve never seen you be so open about them before,” she replied.

“Yeah well, I’ve worked on a lot of things over the years,” he shrugged. “Do you mind holding my wallet for me?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she nodded.

As Rafael turned, he was surprised to see Noah staring, mouth ajar, at his chest. He never let Noah properly see all the scars he had before. “Hey,” he said softly, “I thought we were gonna swim.”

“Huh?” Noah said sounding distant, “Oh... right.”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to anymore,” he sighed.

“I want to but,” Noah mumbled.

“But what?” Rafael questioned.

Knowing he wasn’t allowed to ask but unable to stop himself, Noah said, “Did it hurt?”

Rafael lowered his gaze to his chest as he let out a deep sigh; flashes of Carter filled his head. Not wanting to answer the question, Rafael instead asked his own, “Do they bother you?”

Noah shook his head, “No.”

“Sweetie,” Olivia whispered to catch Noah’s attention. When he looked at her she mouthed ‘ _Leave it alone._ ’

Noah nodded and changed the topic, “Are we swimming or not?”

“Only if you are,” Rafael said lifting his head.

“I’ll race you,” Noah smiled as he slowly stood up.

When Rafael got to his knees, he pushed Noah playfully, knocking him off balance; Rafael then quickly shot up and started jogging, “Come on slow poke.”

“That’s not fair,” Noah laughed as he ran after his father. “You cheated.”

Rafael ran slow enough for Noah to catch up; “Nah, you’re just slow,” he laughed.

It was close but Rafael made sure Noah got to the water first; “I won!” Noah grinned.

“You sure did,” Rafael smiled.

They spent the next hour in and out of the water; while the boys played further out in the ocean, Lucy and Olivia played with the shallow water. When it hit mid-afternoon, Olivia had to call it a day and they all helped pack up their things before dragging their feet back to the car.

 

After spending the day at the beach, they all went back to Olivia’s home; Olivia was busy in the kitchen preparing dinner for the kids while Noah played quietly in his room. Rafael spent the rest of the afternoon, lying on the lounge with Lucia sitting on his chest. As the afternoon dragged on, Rafael and Lucia both fell asleep; Rafael had placed on arm firmly on her back while her head was resting on his chest, rising and falling with each breath he took.

An hour had passed before Noah had walked into the lounge room; he paused in the doorway when he saw them sleeping. He quickly rushed out of the room and ran towards Olivia, “Mom,” Noah mumbled.

“Noah what is it?” Olivia said poking her head out of the kitchen. She watched as Noah rushed towards her, “Is something wrong?”

“Dad and Lucy are sleeping on the lounge,” Noah sighed. “Do you want me to wake them?”

Olivia paused for a moment, “No, I think we’ll let them sleep for a little while longer. Maybe Rafa will stay the night again… Would you like that?”

Noah nodded with a big grin on his face, “Maybe he’ll even stay tomorrow.”

“Oh Sweetie,” Olivia sighed. “I think that’s up to him.”

“I hope he stays,” Noah mumbled, “I don’t like it when he leaves.”

“I don’t like it either,” Olivia admitted.

 

A few hours later, Olivia had fed both kids and herself while Rafael was still fast asleep on the lounge; nothing seemed to wake him. Not even Lucy’s tantrum when she wasn’t allowed to have a doll at the table. Deciding it was best to let him sleep, she continued with her evening routine; she bathed the kids and sent them to bed. By the time she was done it was just after 10; she peered her head once more back into the living room to find Rafael had shifted to his side but still asleep. She wasn’t sure how he could still be sleeping but she was glad that he was home; even if he was unconscious for most of it. She watched him for a few minutes, just admiring the man she so longingly missed; before making her way towards her room and going to bed. 

Very early in the morning, something woke Olivia; she slowly opened her eyes as she stretched then she sat up. Reaching over to tap her phone awake so she could look at the time; _3:30am, who’s up?_ She thought. Olivia gradually got out of bed and started for the source of the noise. As she walked down the hallway, the noise became less muttered; it was the TV but she couldn’t tell what show was on. When she finally reached the living room, the first thing she noticed was Rafael sitting up intently focused. She quietly entered while she listened to what was on; “ _Breaking News, we have been following the Ryker’s riot for the last 2 hours now and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop any time soon._ ”

As she walked around the lounge, Olivia found herself saying, “Good thing you’re no longer there.”

“Mmm,” Rafael muttered; his eyes glued to the TV.

“Do you think there are any casualties?” Olivia asked.

“Shh!” Rafael frowned.

She watched him carefully after he hushed her; something didn’t feel right, he seemed off… almost expressionless.

“ _So far there have been reports of three casualties,”_ the News presenter said while they played Live footage of a helicopter view of the prison. “ _We aren’t allowed to name anyone- Hold on, I’ve just been told the casualties have just been confirmed.”_

The room felt tense as photo’s began to pop up on the screen, one by one. When the last one showed; Olivia felt her heart skip a beat, “That’s… Carter?”

“So it is,” Rafael replied; his voice was calm.

“Rafael, what’s this mean?” she questioned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long to arrive. The past couple of months have been a little rough but I'm slowly getting back into this again so I hope you all enjoy.

She waited for him to reply but his eyes were still glued to the TV; as the screen switched from the photos back to the helicopter footage, she asked again, “What’s this mean?”

“Means he can’t hurt my family again,” he shrugged.

Olivia found his cold demeanour concerning; “You didn’t…” she paused; she knew her question was absurd… at least she hoped it was. “You didn’t have anything to do with this… did you?”

Rafael reached for the remote and muted the TV; as the room fell into silence, he turned his gaze to her. He could just make out the outline of her face from the constantly changing light of the TV. “How could I?” he muttered; unphased by her question, “I’ve been here… in Miami… with you.”

“Rafael…” she whispered; his emotionless response gave her goosebumps. She watched him closely as she found her voice; “What’s going on? You don’t seem to care.”

“Of course I don’t care,” Rafael growled, “I don’t give a shit that he’s dead, I’m glad he is. I just wish I was there to see it.”

“You don’t mean that,” she gasped.

Rafael shook his head as he turned his gaze back towards the TV; he couldn’t look at her knowing that she was going to be disappointed in him.

Olivia understood that he wouldn’t be shedding tears for Carter but this behaviour was strange; there was something he wasn’t telling her. Fearing the worst, she cleared her throat and asked, “You didn’t do this, right?” With no response, not even a shrug; she asked again with a firm tone, “You’re not involved, are you? I want the truth.”

“The truth doesn’t matter,” he said with no emotion.

“Tell me,” she frowned.

“The less you know the better off you are,” he mumbled.

Olivia brought her hand up to her mouth as she whispered, “Oh my god.”

“I had no choice,” he said, snapping his head towards her.

She shook her head as she fought against the tears threatening in her eyes; after a shuddering breath, she removed her hand and huffed, “Are you kidding me? Do you want to go back to prison?”

“I’m not going back,” Rafael whispered. “But this needed to be done.”

“No… Not like this,” she sighed. “You used to believe in the justice system.”

“I still do,” he nodded as he stood up from the lounge, “But Liv, he wasn’t going to stop. You and I both know that.”

She took a few steps back, away from him, as she whispered, “It’s not right.”

“But it’s okay that he gets to keep playing his game with us?” Rafael growled, walking towards her. “I tried to use the justice system but it didn’t work. It’s broken and men like him exploit it, I mean just look at what he’s done to our family. I had to do something.”

She shook her head as she turned for the doorway, “There would have been another way-“

“Look at me!” He yelled.

She snapped her head around to him as she frowned, “Lower your voice.”

“Then look at me,” he growled. “And I mean really look at me, the way everyone else does, the way I do…” he paused for a second before quietly adding, “The way Noah did at the beach.”

“Rafael-“

“I don’t want this for them… I failed Noah once already,” he sighed, “I wasn’t going to let that happen again and if Carter found out about Lucy, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.”

“Y-you don’t know that,” she faltered; unsure of her own conviction.

“We both know that,” he replied. “You’re not going to convince me that this was wrong because I wholeheartedly believe I did the right thing for our family.”

The room fell into silence as Olivia looked around, avoiding eye contact with the man in front of her. She wasn’t sure who was he was anymore but was he really wrong? After a few long minutes, she found herself saying, “I think it would be best if you go.”

“Liv,” he whispered. He wasn’t surprised by what she said but it still hurt him to hear; he hated that she wouldn’t look him in the eyes as she spoke.

“Get out,” she whispered.

Rafael nodded, “Okay.”

Just as he was about to start walking away, they heard a mousy voice, “D-don’t go.”

They both quickly looked towards the other doorway to find Noah slowly creeping out from behind the wall. Olivia quickly turned on the light before rushing towards the remote and turning off the TV.

Rafael let out a low sigh as he walked towards his son, “How long have you been there?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Noah frowned, “Don’t leave.”

“Noah,” Rafael mumbled as he knelt down, “I have to.”

“Then I’m going too,” Noah huffed.

Just as Rafael was about to speak, Olivia’s voice interrupted; “No Noah, you’re not going.”

Rafael was going to say the same thing but after hearing those words come from Olivia, something changed. He quickly stood up and turned to face her, “If he wants to come with me then I’m taking him,” he growled.

“No, you’re not,” she frowned.

“Just because that happened-” he snarled, pointing to the tv, “-it shouldn’t change how you view me as a father.”

Olivia stood quietly as she looked passed Rafael, resting her gaze on her son; knowing how Noah would react, she reluctantly agreed, “Fine, but I want him home by 5 tomorrow afternoon. No later.”

“Okay,” Rafael nodded. Turning to his son, he gave a soft smile, “Come on Kiddo, let’s quickly pack your bag.”

Noah remained quiet as he turned around and started down the hallway; Rafael followed closely behind.

 

As their footsteps disappeared down the hallway; Olivia took a deep shuddering breath as she sat on the lounge. Feeling the weight of her whole world was crashing down on her once again, she leaned forward; putting her head in her hands. When she took another shuddering breath, tears began to fall; unable to stop, she cried as quietly as she could. When she heard some muffled footsteps, she took a quick breath as she lifted her head and wiped away her tears.

“We’re, uh,” Rafael mumbled, “We’re going now.”

“Okay,” she sniffled as she stood up.

“Liv, I…” he paused, not sure of what to say.

“Just… leave,” she whispered.

When Rafael moved out of the way, Olivia spotted Noah with his backpack slumped on his shoulder. She clenched her jaw as she fought against her tears.

Without a word, Noah walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. When he felt her arms around him, he muttered, “I love you Mom.”

“I love you too,” she faltered as a lone tear rolled down her cheek. After some time, Olivia gave Noah a quick pat on the back as she sniffled, “Okay, it’s late and I want you to go back to bed as soon as you get to Rafael’s, so you better get going.”

Noah nodded as he pulled away from his mother and joined Rafael; soon after they left for Rafael’s hotel.

 

The cab ride was rather quiet; Rafael stared out the window, lost in thought, with Noah snuggled into his side. It wasn’t until the cab stopped that Rafael noticed Noah had fallen asleep. After paying the cab driver, Rafael tossed Noah’s bag over his shoulder before wrapping Noah in his arms and carrying him inside and up to his room. Once they were inside, Rafael tucked Noah into bed before retreating to the lounge. As he relaxed into the lounge, all he could think about was Olivia and how hurt she looked. Unable to stop himself from thinking, he lost track of time as the minutes turned into hours and before he knew it; the sun was peering through the window.

 

An hour later, Noah woke up to find Rafael watching the news; some woman was talking about something about a prison. After a quick stretch, he yawned, “Morning.”

Not wanting Noah to see Carter’s photo; Rafael quickly turned the TV off before looking over his shoulder; “Morning sleepyhead,” he smiled.

Slowly getting out of bed, Noah mumbled, “You know, you don’t have to turn off the TV.”

“I know,” he replied, “But you’re awake now so I’d rather spend time with you.”

“Okay,” Noah smiled.

“Why don’t you get dressed?” Rafael suggested.

“What for?” Noah questioned.

Rafael shrugged, “I dunno, I thought maybe we could go for a walk and see if we could find something for breakfast.”

“Oh okay,” Noah smiled. As he looked around the room, a confused frown slowly appeared on his face; “Um… Where’s my bag?”

“Oh right, it’s here,” Rafael muttered as he picked it up off the floor.

Noah quickly took his bag and disappeared into the bathroom, while Rafael waited on the lounge. When Noah emerged ten minutes later, Rafael stood up and smiled, “Ready?”

“Ready but aren’t you going to change?” Noah questioned.

“What?” Rafael asked as he looked down at his clothes. It only just dawned on him, that he never changed out of his beach clothes. “Oh, yeah okay. Give me a minute,” Rafael muttered as he walked around his room to find some clothes. The second Rafael was ready, he walked towards the door, “You coming?”

Without hesitation, Noah ran up to Rafael and smiled, “So where are we going?”

“I dunno,” he shrugged. “Let’s just go for a walk.”

“Okay,” Noah muttered.

 

They walked in silence as they left the hotel and wandered down the street; minutes passed without a word until Noah hesitantly asked, “So… What are we doing today?”

Rafael sighed, “I’m not sure, what would you like to do?”

“Can we swim in the pool?” Noah asked.

“At the hotel?” Rafael questioned, “I mean, if that’s what you want, sure. But I didn’t pack your swimmers.”

“I did,” Noah smiled.

Rafael let out a small chuckle, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been eyeing off that pool.”

Noah laughed, “It looks awesome. There’s even a slide!” After another quick chuckle from Rafael, Noah found enough courage to ask, “Is mom angry at you?”

_Yes,_ he thought, “No.”

“She sounded angry,” Noah mumbled.

With a heavy sigh, Rafael replied, “She’s just scared.”

“But you’re not, right?” Noah questioned.

“I am a little,” Rafael admitted. “But you don’t need to worry about anything.”

“I’m not a little kid,” Noah frowned, “I can see that Mom’s angry and you’re lying to me.”

“I keep forgetting how grown up you are,” he sighed. “But this really isn’t something you need to worry about.”

“I just don’t want you and Mom to fight anymore,” Noah mumbled.

Rafael opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so he just let it fall back into silence. As the rounded the corner Rafael spotted a church; after a quick internal conversation with himself, he sighed, “Um, Noah?”

“Yeah?”

“I um… Can you do me a favor?” he mumbled.

“Okay…” Noah said confused.

“I know it’s not something you usually do but you see that building over there?” he asked, pointing across the street.

“The church?” Noah questioned, “What about it?”

“I need to go inside for a few minutes,” Rafael mumbled, “I have to, um... talk to someone.”

“Who?”

Rafael drew a deep breath, “My Mother.” When Noah looked at him confused, he paused on the sidewalk and knelt down as he tried to explain. “When you lose someone you love, they’re never really gone. They’re in here,” he paused as he pointed to Noah’s heart. “But sometimes certain places, like this one, just help to feel connected.”

Noah was still confused but he could see that it was important to Rafael so he smiled, “Okay, let’s go.”

 

As they entered the church, Noah followed Rafael quietly as they walked down the aisle between the rows of long bench-like seats. The big stain-glass windows drew Noah’s attention as they walked; all the different colours and shapes, shining as the sun glistened through. Being distracted by the windows, Noah didn’t realise that Rafael had stopped in front of him until he ran into him. With a quick apologetic look, Noah took a step back and watched Rafael get on one knee as he whispered something with the sign of the cross. Not wanting to be disrespectful, he copied his father.

Rafael looked to his side to catch Noah copying him; with a half-hearted smile, he whispered, “You don’t have to do that, if you don’t want to.”

“I know,” Noah nodded.

With a quick nod, Rafael stood up and made his way towards a seat, “You can go in first,” he muttered.

Noah did as he was told and made his way towards the middle of the pew; when he sat down, he watched as Rafael sat next to him. Without a word, Noah just watched his father as he put his hands together and leaned on the seat in front of them.

“Mamá, I… I need you,” Rafael whispered to himself, closing his eyes, “No quiero perderla.”

Noah tried to look away; even though Rafael went silent again Noah felt as though he was imposing. As he looked at the paintings on the walls, he heard a quiet whimper coming from Rafael; the sound carried through the empty church. Snapping his head back to his father, Noah saw a tear rolling down Rafael’s cheek as his lips moved without sound.

Soon after, Rafael drew a deep breath and wiped his cheek dry before turning to Noah; “Come on, let’s get you something to eat,” he sniffled.

Noah followed Rafael out of the pew and back into the aisle; when Rafael started towards the doors, Noah paused. He dropped his eyes to the floor as he thought about what he just saw. After a few steps, Rafael turned around and quietly looked at Noah, waiting for when he was ready to go. When Noah looked back up, he made eye contact with his father and without a word, he rushed towards him, wrapping his arms around Rafael. Feeling Rafael’s arms around him, Noah mumbled, “It’s going to be okay.”

Hearing those words just made Rafael’s heart flutter as a smile appeared on his face; it was exactly he needed to hear right now and Rafael couldn’t help but get a little emotional. Blinking quickly to push back the tears burning in his eyes, Rafael whispered, “You’re a good kid.” As the hug broke, Rafael cleared his throat and said, “Now, how about we go get that breakfast?”

“Do you think we can get waffles?” Noah asked as they both started for the doors again.

Rafael let out a small laugh as he tousled Noah’s hair, “We can get whatever you want.”

 

Once they left the Church, they walked down a few more blocks before stumbling onto a small 80’s styled diner. As they walked through the doors, Rafael noted how familiar it felt; from the black and white checkered floors to the neon signs and even the red leather booths with silver finishes. He was flooded with memories of his time in that era; after remembering a few cringeworthy outfits and hairstyles, he was relieved that he didn’t meet Olivia back then. With a small chuckle to himself, Rafael followed Noah to the corner booth next to the window, looking out onto the street.

“This place is so cool,” Noah gawked as he looked around the room.

“Yeah,” Rafael smiled, “You know I used to work in a place like this… Years ago.”

“Really?” Noah said astonished at the idea Rafael wasn’t always a Lawyer.

“We’re talking a very long time ago but yes,” Rafael laughed. “We even had disco nights.”

“Those were the days,” a lovely lady said as she approached the tables. “Nothing can beat disco in my opinion… Though that’s probably why I own this place.”

“I’m sure if I danced like I used to I’d probably hurt myself,” Rafael chuckled.

The woman laughed, “It was a wild time.”

Noah looked at them both as they spoke about old times; he didn’t understand most of what they were talking about. When they started talking about clothes, Noah grew more confused; _What are leg warmers?_ He thought, _And why would anyone wear shoulder pads?_ He could only assume it was like the ones football players wore but wearing them out would look funny in his opinion.

After a few minutes of reminiscing about the good ol’ days, the lady turned to Noah; “You’ve probably got no idea what we’re talking about.”

Noah shook his head; “No but I like the thingy over there.”

Rafael looked over his shoulder and laughed, “That ‘thingy’ is a Jukebox… It plays music.”

“Oh, cool,” Noah replied. “Can we try?”

“Sure,” Rafael nodded, “But how about we order first?”

“Oh right, sorry,” the lady said as she scrambled for her note book. “I’m a bit of a scatter brain these days. What can I get for you two?”

“I’ll take a coffee and he’ll have a chocolate milkshake,” Rafael replied.

“Mhmm,” she said as she jotted his order down. “And to eat?”

“I’m good for now,” Rafael muttered.

“Can I please have some waffles?” Noah asked.

“With manners like that, you can have anything you want,” she smiled at the young boy. “I’ll be right back with those.”

As the woman disappeared from view, Noah skeptically asked, “Did you _really_ work in a place like this?”

“Sure did! I was just a little older than you are now,” Rafael smiled. “I’d show you the photos if I knew where they were.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah, it was a lot of fun back then,” Rafael replied.

“Do you think I could work in a place like this?” Noah asked with a smile.

“Maybe one day,” Rafael nodded, “When you’re older.“

“Can we come here every week?” Noah questioned.

“Every week?” Rafael said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Noah nodded, “On our father-son thingy.”

“Oh right,” Rafael mumbled. “Um, yeah if that’s what you want.”

“It can be our place,” Noah grinned.

Rafael smiled softly at his son for a moment; there was something about the thought of having his own special place with his kids that gave him great comfort. A moment later, Rafael dug through his pockets and pulled out a few quarters, “Here, why don’t you go play some music?”

He took the quarters as he got out of his seat; before walking over he looked back at Rafael, “Anything you want?”

“Surprise me,” Rafael replied.

Five minutes later the waitress walked back over with their order and soon after Noah had joined Rafael back at the table. While they ate, they spoke about many different things; from the 80’s to what they were going to do for the rest of the day. When they were done, Rafael paid the bill and left a generous tip before getting up and leaving. As they walked out the door, he said, “So now what?”

“TO THE POOL!” Noah yelled; pointing one hand out like a super hero as he ran.

“Hey, slow down,” Rafael said as he entered a light jog to keep up. “You’re going to make me hurt myself.”

“LETS GOOO!” Noah said running even faster.

“Oh god,” he panted as he tried to keep up. “You’re not going to make me run all the way back, are you?”

“Hurry up!” Noah yelled over his shoulder. “I want to go swimming.”

“The pool’s going to still be there if we just walk,” Rafael panted. When Noah didn’t show any signs of slowing down Rafael muttered out of breath, “I’m getting too old for this.”

 

When they got back to the hotel, they quickly got changed into their swimwear before heading down the pool. As soon as they got in the pool area Noah quickly picked their seats for the day while Rafael got some towels from the pool attendants before joined his son. Noah was just about to jump into the pool when he noticed Rafael removing his shirt; remembering how Rafael froze the day before, Noah tried to avoid looking at him.

Noticing how Noah was avoiding him, Rafael sighed, “Noah...”

“Yeahh?” Noah said with a slight frown.

“I want to talk to you about yesterday,” he mumbled.

“The fight with Mom?” Noah asked; knowing he was wrong.

“No,” Rafael replied. “Please look at me.”

“Okay,” Noah said softly as he turned towards Rafael.

With a lump in his throat, Rafael mumbled, “When we were at the beach, you asked me about my scars and I didn’t answer you.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to ask about-“

“Stop,” Rafael sighed softly, “The thing is... you’re supposed to be able to talk to me about anything.”

“But I’m not supp-“

“Noah, how can I expect you to talk to me honestly if I don’t do the same for you,” Rafael interrupted. “You keep reminded me of how grown up you are and it’s time I treated you that way.”

“So, you’re going to talk about what happened?” Noah asked.

“I won’t go into details, you don’t need that image in your head but I’ll answer any questions I can,” Rafael replied. “Nothing’s off limits anymore, okay?”

“Okay,” Noah nodded.

“D-did you have any questions?”

Not really wanting to explore this right now, Noah just shrugged, “I dunno, can we go swimming now?”

Rafael felt a little relieved that Noah didn’t want to ask anything straight away. “Of course we can,” he smiled.

They spent the rest of the day in the pool area; for the first few hours Rafael was splashing around with Noah, playing Marco/polo and swimming in races but eventually he got tired so he sat on the pool seats watching Noah. Occasionally they would order some snacks and drinks to enjoy until Noah jumped straight back into the pool; Rafael had lost count of the amount of times his son had gone down the slide.

 

By the time the left the pool it was nearing 5pm; they just had enough time to quickly grab Noah’s things before rushing out the door so they weren’t late getting to Olivia’s. During the cab ride home Noah muttered something without thinking, “Don’t go back to being angry all the time. I like it when you and Mom are happy together.”

Rafael wasn’t sure how to respond so he just remained quiet as he stared out the window. As the trees and buildings rushed by; he just replayed Noah’s words in his head, over and over again. It felt like a life-time ago that he was so pissed off at Olivia but, now after realizing he wants to be with her, it was Olivia’s turn to be angry.

When the buildings had stopped moving, Rafael realised they had arrived and to his surprise, Olivia was waiting at the door. As he waited for Noah to get out of the cab first, he turned to the cab driver and said, “Keep the meter running, I won’t be long.”

“Got it,” the cabbie sighed as he relaxed into his seat.

“Wait up, I’ll walk you to the door,” Rafael muttered as he twisted his way out of the cab. By the time he caught up to Noah, he noticed the sad look on his sons face; “What’s up?” he asked.

“I just… Wish you didn’t have to go,” Noah mumbled.

“Me too,” Rafael said under his breath as he placed a gentle hand on Noah’s shoulder and started walking towards the door.

Rafael couldn’t help but keep his eyes on Olivia as each step brought them closer to her. It was obvious that she was relieved to see Noah but as Rafael looked closer there was a fire burning in her eyes; it had been a while since Rafael had seen that look yet it never failed to send a shiver or two down his back. When they got close enough, Olivia opened the door and smiled, “Hey Sweetie, why don’t you come in and put your bag away?”

“Okay,” Noah said as he dragged his feet inside.

Rafael kept his eyes on Olivia as Noah slowly disappeared past her; when she looked back at him, she just shook her head and started to close the door. As the door slowly closed in front of him, Noah’s words from the cab ran through his mind once more and he found himself saying her name, “Liv…”

She paused as she looked back at him.

“Liv, I… I…” he stuttered, unable think of anything to say.

“Just go home,” she sighed as she closed the door and walked away.

 He stood there for a moment as he ran his hand through his hair; after a moment he sighed loudly before turning back for the cab.

 

After closing the door, Olivia turned to find Noah still standing in the hallway; trying to pretend everything is fine, she just smiled and asked, “How was your day?”

“It was fine,” Noah mumbled.

“What did you do?” she asked, trying to get Noah to talk.

“We went out for breakfast after stopping at the Church and then-“

“Wait,” Olivia frowned, “You went to Church?”

“Yeah,” Noah nodded before continuing, “Like I was saying, we then spent the day in the pool before coming home.”

Olivia still couldn’t get past the fact Rafael took Noah to a Church without asking her but not wanting to upset Noah, she smiled, “That’s nice. Sounds like a good day.”

Noah was about to walk towards his room when he asked, “Are you going to forgive him?”

“It’s not that simple,” Olivia sighed as she entered the living room, “Did he tell you what happened?”

“No,” Noah shook his head, “But he’s sad… and a little angry.”

_He’s not the only one_ , Olivia thought. Not wanting Noah to get hurt if Rafael was arrested again; she made a decision she knew Noah wouldn’t like. With a heavy sigh, she said, “I don’t know what’s going to happen but how about we take a break from him for a little while.”

Noah frowned, “A break? You want me to stop seeing him again?”

“Just for a little bit,” she said softly.

“No!” Noah yelled.

Feeling her eyes water, Olivia raised her voice, “You don’t have a choice.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Noah grumbled.

Her heart was slowly breaking as she stood her ground, “You’re not seeing him anymore and that’s final.”

“UGH, I hate you!” Noah screamed as he stormed off to his room.

When she heard Noah’s door slam shut, she collapsed on the lounge as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Unable to stop crying she leaned forward, placing her head in her hands; her hair falling to cover her face. It felt like she was never going to stop crying when each breath slowly got harder than the last.

She was pulled out of her state when Lucy tugged on her sleeve; “Mommy?”

“Lucy,” Olivia sniffled, surprised.

“What’s wong?” the little girl asked.

Olivia was unable to find her voice so she just forced smile as a few tears escaped her.

Lucy slowly climbed up on the lounge and wrapped her little arms halfway around Olivia; “It’s okay Mommy. I’ll cuddle you till you feel better.”

The gesture filled Olivia with so much love, she wrapped her own arms around her daughter and hugged her tightly as more tears rolled down her cheeks. After a few moments, Olivia broke the hug and sniffled, “Thank you.”

“You okay?” Lucy questioned.

With a quick nod, Olivia faltered, “H-how about we watch a movie?”

“Okie!” Lucy smiled.

“You can pick any one you want,” Olivia said softly as she slowly got up off the lounge. She absentmindedly wandered down the hallway until she reached Noah’s room. She went to knock on the door when she paused for a moment before leaning against the frame with a heavy heart. After a brief moment she walked back down the hallway; there was nothing she could say to him right now that would get him to understand it was for a good reason. Olivia made a quick pitstop by the kitchen, grabbing a packet of chips, before entering the lounge room again to find Lucy had put on a princess movie. “Come sit with me,” Olivia smiled as she sat back on the lounge.

Lucy nodded as she climbed the lounge once again and snuggled into Olivia’s side as the movie began.

They both spent the evening snuggling each other as they ate chips and watched movie after movie until bedtime; only pausing for dinner.

 

*

 

As the days passed, Rafael found himself spending every day in his hotel room; stuck between wanting to contact Olivia and wanting to give her space. He was so unsure of what she thought about him now but he knew what he did was right for his family and hoped that one day she would see that. By the time midafternoon rolled around, Rafael was lying on his bed, casually watching a daytime movie on Tv, with a half-drunken bottle of whiskey next to him. Just as the movie was coming to its climatic ending, Rafael’s phone rang; the annoying sound filling the room. With a disgruntled huff, Rafael rolled onto his side and picked it up of his bedside table. Without looking at the number, he answered, “Barba.”

“Hey,” a familiar voice echoed through the line.

“Who’s this?” he growled.

“Come on, it’s not been that long,” the man replied.

Rafael rolled his eyes as he sighed, “Carisi… How the hell did you get my number?”

“I’m a cop,” Carisi said simply.

“Except for the fact I know my phone’s not registered,” Rafael grumbled, “So I’ll ask again… how’d you get it?”

“Uh,” Carisi sighed, “Well, I remembered you said you were heading to Chicago so I-“

“Called Voight,” Rafael interrupted. “I should have known that cops stick together.”

“It’s not like we have a vendetta against you,” Carisi mumbled. “I just wanted to-“

“I want nothing to do with you!” Rafael snarled.

“Can you just let me speak!” Carisi huffed. Carisi paused as the phone line went silent but soon he realised it wasn’t dead, which meant Rafael hadn’t hung up yet. With a calmer voice, he said, “I just wanted to see how you were holding up. I’m sure by now you’ve heard about what happened at Rykers… and to Carter.”

Rafael sat up quickly, wide-eyed, as his stomach dropped; his fingers tightened around his phone as he held it to his ear. A lump, in his now dry throat, was stopping him from saying anything.

“Rafael?”

“I’m here,” he whispered, “I heard what happened.” After clearing his throat, Rafael tried to hide his discomfort as he spoke, “Afterall, a riot at Rykers tends to make national news.”

“Right,” Carisi replied. “Well, how are you holding up?”

“I’m fine,” Rafael mumbled, “I don’t care that he’s dead.”

“I figured but you know there’s an investigation,” Carisi sighed. “It’s all hands-on deck.”

“You’re kidding?” Rafael grumbled. He knew there would be an investigation but the thought of having so many people looking after a corrupt cop was ridiculous.

“Yeah, I didn’t think you were going to like that,” Carisi said sounding sympathetic. “Look, being ex-police they just want to close the case as fast as they can.”

“What’s the working theory?” Rafael asked; his heart pounding in his chest. _Do they know? How could they… I was careful._

“You know I can’t tell you-“

“This man ruined my life,” Rafael snarled, “I just want to know what’s going on.”

With a reluctant sigh, Carisi said, “Okay, there was talk about an outside force orchestrating this-“

Rafael clenched his jaw as he listened; his stomach turning in knots.

“IAB didn’t believe that someone else had a hand in it so we’re now just thinking it was a simple turf war that went wrong,” Carisi finished.

“A turf war?” Rafael questioned.

“Yeah, if I’m honest, that’s probably what it was,” Carisi muttered. “I’m sure Carter was stepping on a lot of toes in there.”

Rafael pulled the phone away from his ear, covering the microphone, as he let out a deep sigh of relief; “Oh thank god,” he whispered to himself. After a few deep breaths, he heard Carisi’s muffled voice talking; quietly he placed the phone back to his ear just to catch the end of whatever Carisi was yapping about.

“-but at least now you don’t have to hide from him.”

“I was never hiding, that was Olivia,” Rafael grumbled.

There was a short pause before Carisi asked, “Have you found her?”

Rafael went silent as he thought; a moment later he rushed, “I’ve got to go.”

“Wait, don’t go,” Carisi sighed.

“Don’t be mistaken… Just because I took your call doesn’t mean friends,” Rafael growled as he hung up.

Rafael closed his eyes as he fell back into his pillows on his bed, dropping his phone by his side, as he tried to slow down his heart. That felt way too close to getting caught but at least now he knows that they’re not even looking in his direction; reassuring him that his plan had worked after all. A few much-needed breaths later, an idea struck him and he quickly picked up his phone again and started dialing; after a moment someone on the other line picked up, “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Adam?” Rafael questioned.

“Yes,” the man said cautiously, “And this is?”

“Rafael Barba, um… Olivia’s husband,” he answered.

“Oh,” he replied sounding unimpressed. “What do you want?”

“I know we got off on the wrong foot,” Rafael sighed, “But I was hoping to use your services tonight.”

“Olivia didn’t ask me to,” Adam mumbled.

“That’s because I’m asking you,” he grumbled. Feeling his temper start to rise, Rafael took a quick breath before adding, “Can you do it or not?”

There was a long pause before Adam asked, “What time?”

With a slight smile, Rafael answered, “Let’s say 6pm.”

“Until?” Adam questioned.

“Until we get home…” Rafael shrugged.

With a loud sigh, Adam said, “Usually I know what time the parents will be home.”

“I don’t know,” Rafael mumbled, “It’s just for a few hours. I guess 11 at the very latest.”

“Fine, I’ll be there at 6,” Adam muttered before hanging up.

He sat there smiling for a moment before quickly searching up another number on his phone; as that phone call came to an end, Rafael felt good. He felt like this idea could work but now all that was left was going through with it; he spent the rest next few hours trying to convince himself it was going to be fine.

 

*

 

Olivia was sitting on the lounge, pretending to read her magazine, as she watched Lucy in the distance quietly playing with her dolls while wearing her pink fairy wings; the little girls laughter filled the room as she played. Olivia enjoyed listening to Lucy’s odd little mumblings and laughter, especially now; it had been pretty quiet around the house lately with Lucy being the exception. Ever since Olivia told Rafael to leave, Noah spends most of his time locked away in his room and more often than not, she found herself wondering if it was right thing to do. She wasn’t sure how long she had been watching Lucy for but she was drawn away when she heard the floorboards creak. Turning her head, she was surprised to find Noah standing sheepishly in the doorway. “Noah?” she said softly.

Noah stood there quietly for a moment as looked at her; with a sigh, Noah finally spoke, “Is Dad going to ever come back here?”

“I…” she paused. She looked upon his little face and saw his big brown eyes staring back at her as he waited for an answer she didn’t have but she knew she had to say something. Breaking her silence, she whispered, “Noah-“

She was interrupted by a knock on the door; everyone looked around the room at each other, confused. “Could that be-“ Noah began.

“Stay here,” Olivia said as she stood up. Looking at Noah she added, “I’ll answer you when I get back.” As she walked towards the front door, she let out a sigh of relief; whoever was at that door just bought her some time. Once she reached the door, she slowly opened it to find Adam standing in front of her; confused, she asked, “I don’t mean to sound rude but why are you here?”

“I was told to be here by 6,” he replied as he looked down at his watch.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t call you,” she said.

Just as Adam was about to reply, a cab pulled up to the curb and soon after Rafael rushed out; “I know, I’m late-“

“What the hell are you doing here?” Olivia frowned.

“He was the one who called me,” Adam said sounding confused. “I thought you knew.”

Rafael quickly walked up towards the front door, stopping just a few steps behind Adam; “I know I’ve disappointed you but please hear me out,” he begged.

“I’m sorry about this Adam, just give me a second and I’ll sort this out,” Olivia sighed as she stepped outside; closing the door behind her.

“Take your time,” Adam nodded.

Olivia took a few steps towards Rafael; noting how he was dressed in a nice floral button up shirt tucked into his navy-blue suit pants. After a moment she asked, “What’s going on?”

“I know that you’re upset with me for…” he paused as his eyes wandered to Adam, “For what I did… But don’t let that get in our way, we’ve worked too hard to get here.”

“Rafael, I just…”

“Look, I called Adam because I wanted to ask you something,” he paused as he gave her a soft smile, “Would you like to go to dinner with me?”

“A date?” she questioned.

Rafael nodded, “I have a reservation for two at this little Cuban restaurant my mother once told me about. I’d love it if you joined me but I’d understand if you don’t want to.”

Olivia stood quietly as she thought about it; his green eyes watching her very closely. As each second felt longer than the last, she saw the hope in his eyes slowly drain away. After a moment longer, Olivia finally broke her silence, “Okay.”

Rafael couldn’t fight the smile he had as he said, “I hoped you’d say yes.”

“Well, come inside before I change my mind,” Olivia muttered as she turned for the door. As she entered, everyone else followed her; “Adam, the kids are in the living room,” she paused as she glanced over her shoulder to Rafael, “I’ll need some time to get ready.”

“I’ll be with the kids,” Rafael nodded.

After watching Olivia disappear down the hallway, Rafael pushed passed Adam and entered the living room first. As he entered, he first saw Lucy sitting in the corner playing with her dolls with her little fairy wings on, then his eyes drifted over to the other doorway to see Noah twiddling his thumbs as he stared at the floor. “Why the long face?” Rafael asked.

Noah’s head shot up with a massive smile, “You’re here!” he exclaimed.

“Of course I’m here,” Rafael smiled as he watched Noah run towards him. Noah hugged him so fast, it almost knocked Rafael over, “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Wafi!” Lucy grinned when she heard the commotion. She quickly jumped to her feet and joined Noah in hugging Rafael.

“Hey Princesa,” Rafael laughed.

When the hug broke, Noah looked passed Rafael and saw Adam standing in the doorway, “Why’s he here?”

“I’m here to look after you two,” Adam smiled, “We’re going to have so much fun.”

Looking up at Rafael, Noah frowned, “But you’re here.”

“Your Mom and I are going out for dinner,” Rafael replied, “Don’t worry, I’m going to fix things.”

“Okay,” Noah mumbled.

“Look!” Lucy yelled, unaware of the previous conversation. She yanked on Rafael’s arm as she pulled him towards her toys, “I have a new pwincess.”

“Wow,” Rafael smiled.

“She’s so pwetty,” Lucy said as she picked her up.

Rafael sat on the floor as Lucy picked up doll after doll to show him; each having their own backstories. He had heard most of them before but he just smiled and played along.

Twenty minutes passed before Olivia emerged again; when she entered the living room, she saw Noah, Rafael and Lucy all sitting on the floor playing with some dolls while Adam sat patiently on the lounge. Clearing her throat, she asked, “How do I look?”

Rafael snapped his head around to find Olivia standing in the doorway dressed in a sexy knee length red dress. He sat there, mouth-ajar, for a moment as he stared at her; after a few quick blinks Rafael smiled, “You look stunning.”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

Rafael quickly got to his feet and started to walk towards her as he said, “I haven’t seen that dress for years but my god do you still look gorgeous in it.”

Feeling her cheeks blush, she said, “You’re sweet.”

They heard a small scoff coming from the lounge; with a quick roll of his eyes, Rafael hesitantly said, “I think we need to talk about Carter before we get this date started. Just so it’s out of the way.”

With a heavy sigh, Olivia replied, “Fine.”

“Carter?” Noah’s mousy voice said. Scared, Noah began to hyperventilate, “Is… Is h-he c-c-coming back?”

“No,” Rafael rushed as he quickly walked back to Noah, “He’s never coming back but I need you to breathe for me.”

With a shuddering breath, Noah sniffled, “Y-you p-promise?”

“Breathe with me,” Rafael soothed as he knelt down, “In… One… Two… Three… Out…”

Noah copied Rafael and soon after regained his breathing; after a few deep breaths, Noah asked again, “You promise?”

“I promise,” Rafael smiled.

After Noah was okay, Olivia calmly said, “Rafael, let’s talk in my room.”

He nodded as he got back up and slowly made his way towards Olivia once more; as they walked down the corridor, Rafael muttered, “That’s why I did it.”

“I just… I can’t believe you killed him,” Olivia muttered; turning towards her room.

Slowly following her, Rafael whispered; “Can…” he paused; sounding unsure of himself, “Can I… ask you something?”

Olivia paused in the doorway of her room as she turned to face him; she saw the way he sheepishly looked down at the floor as he kept his distance from her. “Rafael?” she asked softly.

Rafael drew a deep breath as he looked over his shoulder; making sure the hallway was empty, before turning to Olivia once again. “Would you…” he mumbled, “Would you have cared as much as you do now, if it was my name that was on the News instead of his?”

Olivia’s mouth dropped as she stared at him in complete shock; _how could he ask this?_ She thought. After what felt like forever, with his green eyes staring at her; Olivia broke from her trance and motioned him into her room. As she closed the door behind him, she said, “Of course I would care if it was you instead but you need to understand I don’t care that Carter’s dead.”

Rafael scoffed as he paced next to her bed; “That’s not how it felt the other day.”

“I’m upset at what you did because I don’t want to lose you again,” she said bluntly; causing Rafael to stop dead in his tracks and look at her. With a deep sigh, she muttered, “So I tried to protect myself the only way I know how to and that’s by pushing you away but I just… don’t want to be without you anymore.”

Without hesitation, Rafael quickly closed the gap between them until he was just inches away from her lips. He gently placed a hand on the side of her face as he ran his thumb softly against her cheek; “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered; his breath hot on her lips.

“Rafá,” she whispered as she leaned in.

Instead of pulling away from her, this time he leaned in and kissed her; he had forgotten how soft her lips were against his. Not wanting it to end, Rafael moved his hand from her face and ran it through her hair; while he placed the other on her lower back, pulling her closer to him. Rafael felt Olivia wrap her arms around his waist as their tongues began to dance together; unable to stop himself, he took a few steps forward until Olivia’s back was against the wall. When he slowly slid his hand from her back down to her ass, Olivia broke the kiss as she smiled against his lips. Out of breath, Rafael leaned his forehead against hers as he whispered, “You ha.. have no idea h-how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

“It’s about time,” Olivia laughed softly.

“Oh, is that so?” Rafael chuckled as he leaned in.

Olivia made a muffled, ‘ _Mhmm’_ as he kissed her. As they kissed, she slowly untucked his shirt and moved one of her hands under his shirt.

Before they got lost in the kiss, there was a subtle knock, “Uh, Olivia,” Adam’s voice travelled through the door.

Rafael pulled away from Olivia, letting her up off the wall; as he walked away from her, he joked, “Have I told you I don’t like him?”

Olivia laughed a little before turning towards the door, “Yes Adam?”

“Are you still going out?” he asked. When Olivia opened the door; Adam glanced around the room to find Rafael standing at the edge of the bed tucking his shirt back into his trousers. “I… Um, don’t mean to interrupt but it’s nearly 7.”

Rafael looked down at his watch, “Shit, I didn’t realise it was getting late. We should probably get going if we’re going to make that reservation.”

A little disappointed, Olivia nodded, “Yeah. Thanks Adam.” When Adam left, Olivia turned to Rafael and smiled, “Let’s go and say good night to the kids.”

“Okay but give me a minute,” Rafael nodded; as he sat on the bed, “How about you go out there first and-“

“Why?” Olivia questioned. When Rafael gave a cheeky smile, she looked down at his crotch, “You don’t, do you?”

“I mean,” he shrugged, “It’s not my fault you’re sexy.”

With a soft laugh, she said, “Okay, well come join me and the kids when you can.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” he nodded.

 

A few minutes later, Rafael got up from the bed and made his way towards the living room; as he neared, he could hear a few muffled voices and one very loud little girl. He smiled as he listened to Lucy’s laughter filling the whole house. As soon as he turned the corner, he wasn’t surprised to see Lucy standing in front of the TV, still playing with her dolls, while Noah sat quietly on the floor. Olivia was facing away from the doorway as she spoke to Adam; clearing his throat, Rafael asked, “Are you ready?”

Olivia jumped a little at the sudden voice behind her but when she turned to him, she smiled, “Just waiting on you.”

Rafael nodded as he walked further into the room, “Alright Kiddo’s, we’re off.”

“Like I was just telling Adam, we’ll only be a few hours,” Olivia added.

Noah jumped up and walked towards Rafael; as he hugged him once again, Noah whispered, “Are you coming back?”

“I’m not sure,” Rafael mumbled, “If I don’t, you’ll see me soon.”

“Okay,” Noah sighed as he let go.

Tousling his son’s hair, Rafael smiled, “Be good.” Looking back at the bouncing little girl, he added, “That goes for you too.”

“What?” Lucy frowned.

“We’re leaving,” Olivia said as she knelt down and watched as Lucy ran into her arms. “You be good for Adam, okay?”

“Okay,” Lucy sighed.

Rafael stood quietly as he watched Olivia hug their daughter; after a moment, he checked his watch and sighed, “Liv.”

“I know,” she mumbled as she broke the hug and stood up. “Good night Noah. Please go to bed at a reasonable time tonight.”

“Bye Mom,” Noah muttered.

“Alright, you have my number if you need me,” Olivia said to Adam. “Have a good night.”

“You too,” Adam smiled.

Rafael took Olivia’s hand and guided her towards the front door; when Olivia paused by the key hooks hanging by the door, Rafael quickly took the car keys first, “I’ll drive,” he smiled.

“You… Drive?” Olivia said, raising her eyebrow. “God help us all.”

“My license might be expired but that doesn’t mean I can’t drive,” he laughed as he walked out the door.

“Expired!” she exclaimed.

“It was a joke,” Rafael chuckled, “Just get in the car, we’re already going to be late.”

 

As soon as Rafael parked the car, he quickly jumped out and rushed to Olivia’s door. “Watch your step,” he said as he opened the door. He held out a hand and helped Olivia out of the car before closing the door behind them both; Rafael locked the car as they started for the restaurant.

When they neared the little family owned restaurant, Olivia smiled, “This place is beautiful.”

Rafael nodded as he looked around; the restaurant had beautiful archways which loomed over the red umbrellas that were sitting beside a few tables outside. “I can see why Mamá liked it,” Rafael commented, taking hold of Olivia’s hand.

As they reached the hostess, she smiled, "Hola, how can I help you?”

“I have a reservation under Barba,” Rafael replied.

She quietly hummed to herself as she checked her book; after a moment she nodded, “Party for two.”

“That’s the one,” he smiled.

“Would you like to sit inside or out?” she asked.

“Uh,” Rafael muttered as he turned to Olivia. “Estoy tratando de impresionar a mi esposa, dónde recomendarías?”

The woman just smiled and motioned them to follow; as they started walking through the restaurant, Olivia whispered, “What did you say?”

“I just asked for a recommendation,” he smiled.

When they reached a small corner table which had a red and white checkered table cloth with a small candle centerpiece. As the hostess placed the menus on the table she smiled, “Your waiter won’t be long.”

“Thank you,” Rafael nodded. He walked towards one of the chairs and pulled it out for Olivia; after tucking her in, he made his way to his own chair.

“This place is pretty popular,” Olivia commented as she looked around the room; almost every table had someone sitting there.

“Yeah, something tells me I wouldn’t have even gotten a table last time,” Rafael muttered.

“You’ve been here before?” she asked.

“No, the day I found you I was actually heading here,” he smiled, “Fate has a funny way of showing itself sometimes.”

Olivia smiled as she picked up her menu; after spending some time reading it, she laughed, “I have no idea what any of these are.”

“I’ll order for you if that’s okay,” Rafael suggested.

“Please,” she nodded.

Rafael chuckled, “No problem.”

“Hola,” a man said as he walked towards their table. He quickly poured two glasses of water before adding, “I’ll be your waiter, my name is Jorge. Are we ready to order?”

“Sí,” Rafael smiled, “Tomaré un vaso de su botella roja más cara para mi bella esposa... pensándolo bien, solo denos la botella.”

Jorge nodded along as he wrote down Rafael’s order, “Buena elección señor, en cuanto a la comida?”

Olivia just sat quietly as she watched the interaction between the two men; they both made it seem so effortlessly. There was just something about the way Rafael spoke Spanish that just made him seem sexier to her. Olivia sat there lost in the way the words just rolled off Rafael’s tongue; without realizing it, the waiter had walked away and Rafael was trying to get her attention.

“Olivia,” Rafael repeated for the umpteenth time.

“Huh,” she said as she blinked out of her trance.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Y-yeah, I was just daydreaming,” she smiled. “What were you saying?”

“To the waiter or to you?” he laughed.

“To me,” she blushed.

“I got us a bottle of red, I hope that’s okay,” he said.

“Sounds lovely,” she nodded. They sat there staring into each other’s eyes for a moment until a thought ran through Olivia’s head. “Oh!” she exclaimed, “I forgot.”

“What?” Rafael chuckled.

“Lucy wants to speak funny like you,” Olivia smiled.

Rafael frowned, confused, “I don’t speak funny, do I?”

“No, she didn’t know what Spanish was so that’s what she calls it,” Olivia explained. “She wants to learn and I’ve been wanting to teach them but what I know is a little… Limited.”

“Surely you’ve picked up a few things from me over the years,” Rafael said with a slight chuckle.

“Oh, I have,” Olivia laughed, “I just can’t repeat any of it.”

“Why not?” Rafael questioned as he picked up his glass of water.

“Well it’s either cursing or, um,” Olivia hesitated; her cheeks growing warm as she blushed, “Or things you’ve said in our, um… ‘alone time’.”

Rafael snorted into his glass; as he pulled it away, he coughed a few times before laughing, “If you put it that way, I can see why you didn’t teach them.”

“Yeahhh,” Olivia said with a soft laugh, “It would make things a little awkward.”

“I’d be happy to each them,” Rafael said with a few scattered laughs.

“No curse words,” Olivia rushed, “I’ll know.”

“Yes Ma’am,” Rafael winked.

As their laughter died down, Jorge returned holding a bottle of red in one hand and two glasses in the other. After gently placing down the glasses, he poured them both before placing the bottle at the edge of the table, “Your meals shouldn’t be too far away.”

“Gracias,” Rafael nodded.

“Thank you,” Olivia smiled.

The table fell into a comfortable silence as Rafael picked up his wine and swirled it around a little before tasting. As he swallowed the beautiful blend, he looked over to Olivia and noticed the way she stared into her wine. “Do you not like it?” he asked. “I can get something else.”

“No, it’s beautiful,” she replied. “I was just thinking.”

“Uh oh,” Rafael smiled, placing his wine on the table, “What have I done?”

With a deep sigh, Olivia’s face grew serious, “What happens if this backfires?”

“Us?” he questioned.

“No, Carter,” Olivia mumbled, “I can’t lose you and it would destroy the kids.”

“It’s not going to backfire,” Rafael reassured as he leaned forward and took her hand. “They’re not even looking at me.”

“How do you know?” she asked.

Rafael let out a sigh as he reluctantly said, “I’ve spoken to someone who’s involved with the case.”

“Who?” Olivia questioned.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rafael muttered.

“Rafael, please tell me,” she whispered. “The last time I let you lie to me about your phone calls, you ordered a hit.”

“Fair point,” Rafael mumbled. With a quick sip of his wine, he said, “I spoke to Carisi.”

“Oh?” she said sounding surprised. “Why didn’t you want to tell me that?”

“He doesn’t know I’m with you and I don’t want him to,” Rafael sighed, “You once said if you could go back you would…. I’m not sure if I can go back.”

“Okay,” Olivia said placing her other hand on top of his. “Let’s not dwell on it then, if you say we’re fine then I believe you.”

“Let’s just focus on us,” Rafael smiled, “We’re here in this lovely little restaurant and I’m sitting across from my gorgeous wife.”

“You’re not bad looking yourself,” Olivia smiled.

“Oh how flattering,” Rafael laughed, “Just what every man wants to hear.”

“Hon, you always look handsome,” Olivia said softly. “A real silver fox.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I look daaamn good,” he said with quick wink to Olivia.

Rolling her eyes, she let go of his hands and just as she picked up her wine, she added, “And you’re modest too.”

Rafael chuckled, “Ah screw modesty.”

“Your life motto,” Olivia smiled as she took a sip of her wine. Placing the glass on the table, she said, “In all seriousness though, it is nice to see your getting confident again.”

“I’m working on it,” he nodded. “Fake it till you make it, right?”

“Sounds like parenting,” Olivia joked.

“Maybe but from where I’m standing, you make that look easy,” Rafael smiled softly.

“Even I have bad days,” Olivia remarked.

“We’ll you’re not alone anymore,” Rafael reassured.

“I know,” she smiled as she reached for his hand once again.

Smiling at each other, Rafael didn’t notice the waiter arrive with their food until he placed the plate in front of him. After the waiter did the same for Olivia, he quickly left the two to their meals. Olivia let go of Rafael’s hand as she looked down at her meal; whatever Rafael had ordered her, smelt so delicious that her mouth began to water. After a few mouthfuls, she looked up from her plate, she noticed Rafael was staring at her; but his gaze seemed to be a little lower than her face. As she followed his gaze, she felt her cheeks begin to grow red; she embarrassingly whispered, “ _Rafael,_ we’re in public.”

“Huh?” he questioned as he raised his gaze. Realizing how it looked, Rafael blushed, “Oh no… I wasn’t… I mean… They’re a lovely pair of, um…” He shifted in his seat as he felt like a teenager who was just caught checking out a girl. “I swear I wasn’t… You’re necklace… That’s what I was looking at.”

“My necklace?” Olivia questioned.

“That’s the one I got you, isn’t it?” he asked as he returned his gaze back to the necklace.  The pear-shaped aquamarine stone sat beautifully as the smaller diamonds surrounding it glistened in the light.

“It is,” she smiled, “I love it.”

“I remember the night I gave it to you,” he reminisced.

“I always think about Lucia when I wear this,” Olivia said as she gently placed her fingers on the necklace. “She was a lovely woman.”

“Mamá always believed in us,” Rafael smiled.

Olivia smiled gently as she looked at the man sitting across from her; a hint of sorrow evident in his eyes. Wanting to cheer him up a little, she said, “You know what I remember from back then?”

“What?” he asked.

“The moment I fell in love with you,” she grinned.

“What?” he frowned with a smile, “You mean to say there was a time you didn’t love me? That’s impossible. I’m charming.”

Olivia laughed, “It was actually the day you gave Noah Charlie.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “You showed up to the park wearing a suit which was just funny in its own right.”

“Well, I mean before then I was just all about work,” Rafael replied.

“I know,” she smiled, “But the moment I fell in love with you was when you were playing with Noah in the sandpit. You struggled so hard to build anything that wasn’t a pile of sand but that wasn’t going to stop you from trying.”

“How do you even remember that?” Rafael mused.

“It just never left my mind,” Olivia shrugged. “Seeing you try that hard to get along with Noah just showed me how much you really cared and that was that for me. I fell in love right then and there.”

“That’s actually pretty sweet,” Rafael whispered. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a moment like that to tell you. Over time, I just began to notice the little things that you’d do, like the way you flip your hair or when you were happy about something there was always this sparkle in your eyes. Then one day I realised that I loved you and nothing was ever going to change that.”

There was something about the way he said that, that just made Olivia really happy. She wished she could have leaned across the table and kissed him passionately but she couldn’t reach from her seat so she did the next best thing.

Rafael felt Olivia began to slide her foot up and down the inside of his thigh; “Uh,” he smiled, “As much I’m enjoying that, maybe we should finish eating first…”

“Are you sure?” she winked.

As Olivia slowly got higher up his thigh, he jumped slightly; “Olivia,” he said breathlessly, “I…”

“You’re right,” she teased as she pulled her foot away, “We should eat first.”

Rafael quickly placed on hand under the table and grabbed her foot before it disappeared away from him; with a cheeky grin, he said, “Just wait until we’re alone… You won’t get away with teasing me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she smiled.

 

They both continued flirting and touching each other under the table as they ate their meals as fast as they could. By the time they finished the bottle of wine, Rafael badly wanted to get out of there so he quickly called for the bill and paid before walking out hand in hand with Olivia. As they left the restaurant, Rafael pulled Olivia closer and moved his hand from hers and placed it gently on her ass as they walked back towards the car.

When they reached the car, Olivia turned to him and kissed him; as the kiss broke, she whispered, “Let’s go home.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Rafael smirked.

 

It was nearing 10pm when they arrived back at Olivia’s home; once they were both out of the car, Rafael slowly walked her towards the front door. “I had a good time tonight,” he whispered, “Thank you for coming out with me.” When Olivia turned to face him, he couldn’t help but smile at her beauty. Without hesitation, Rafael closed the gap between them and kissed her.

As the kiss broke, it took Olivia a moment to gather her thoughts, “Did you, um…” she smiled, “Want to come in?”

“Yes,” he rushed.

“Didn’t want to think about it?” Olivia laughed.

“Not even a little,” Rafael smiled.

“Oh, is that so?” she grinned.

“Mhmm,” he mumbled as he leaned in and kissed her again. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as their tongues began to intertwine.

Their kiss was broken by the sound of the door opening behind them; “Oh,” Adam sighed, “Sorry-”

When Rafael let her go, she turned to face Adam and said softly, “It’s okay.”

“I thought I could hear voices, and um…” Adam paused when he saw Rafael’s frown; “Well, I didn’t mean to, um…”

“She said it’s fine,” Rafael grumbled with an aggressive tone that surprised even himself.

“Right,” Adam nodded, “Um, so Noah’s in bed but Lucy’s asleep on the lounge.”

“Oh?” Olivia said confused.

“She fell asleep like 10 minutes go,” Adam explained, “I was just about to put her to bed when I heard you two.”

“Okay,” Olivia nodded as she started inside, “Well how much do I owe you for the night?”

They got halfway down the hallway before Adam sighed, “$100.”

“That’s steep,” Rafael commented as he followed Olivia.

“I’ve got some cash, let me just go get it,” Olivia sighed as she walked down the hallway.

When she disappeared from view Rafael turned to Adam as he said, “Let me walk you to the door.”

“I have to get paid,” he sighed.

Rafael started taking a few steps towards him which forced Adam to start towards the door. Reaching into his pocket, Rafael pulled out his wallet, “$100 you said, right?” he mumbled as he counted his cash.

As Rafael continued to walk towards him, Adam mumbled, “Yes.” Adam stood quietly at the doorway as he watched Rafael count the money in front of him; with a sudden burst of courage, he said, “She deserves better than you.” When Rafael lifted his gaze; his face was void of any emotion except Adam felt his eyes shooting daggers at him.

Rafael opened the door before shoving the money into Adam’s chest; pushing him out the door. “There’s $70,” he huffed.

He stumbled back as he whispered, “It’s $100.”

“Not after that comment,” Rafael snarled, “Now get lost.”

“You can’t do that,” Adam frowned, “I want my money.”

“Learn to keep your mouth shut and maybe next time you’ll get it all,” Rafael shrugged. “Now if you don't mind, my wife is waiting for me.”

“Screw you old man,” Adam growled.

“Go home,” Rafael said calmly, “We’ll call you again if we need you.”

Before Adam could say anything else, Rafael closed the door in his face; he took a deep breath as he walked down the hallway. He paused at the doorway into the living room and smiled; Lucy was sprawled out on the lounge unaware of anything going on around her.

As he stood there he heard Olivia coming back down the hallway, “Adam, I’m sorry I’ve only got $80-“ she paused when she only saw Rafael. “Where’s Adam?”

“Gone,” he replied.

“But I haven’t-“

“I paid him,” Rafael smiled as he turned his head to face her. “It was my idea to go out tonight so it was the least I could do.”

Olivia smiled as she walked up to his side; he wrapped his arm around her as they both looked back at Lucy.

When he felt Olivia’s arm wrap around his waist as she leaned into him, he gently rested his head on hers. It was in this moment, he decided he wasn’t going to let Adam ruin his night. They stood there just enjoying each other’s embrace until a loud snore filled the room causing them both to laugh.

Trying to hold in her laughter, Olivia said, “I should probably put her to bed.”

“Let me,” Rafael said as he let go of her. “You can check on Noah.”

“Okay,” she smiled, “I’m gonna get out of this dress too so if you can’t find me, I’ll be in my room.”  
“Got it,” Rafael nodded.

He felt Olivia’s eyes watching him as he walked towards Lucy; it wasn’t until he went to pick up his daughter up, that he finally heard Olivia’s footsteps disappear down the hallway. In one smooth motion, he lifted Lucy off the lounge and placed her against his chest. As they walked down the hallway together, Lucy began to stir as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck; so tight in fact, Rafael was questioning whether he was going to be able to breath for much longer. Once they were in her room, he carefully navigated the scattered toys, narrowly avoiding a block of Lego, as they moved towards her bed. Rafael softly placed Lucy in her bed before prying her arms from around his neck; once he was free, he pulled up her sheets and tucking her tightly in. As her eyes slowly began to open, Rafael knelt down by her bed and gently ran his hand through her hair, “Shh,” he soothed. When Lucy’s eyes closed again, Rafael leaned forward and kissed her gently on her forehead, “Good night.”

Lucy yawned, “Ni-night Daddy.”

Within seconds, she was fast asleep; leaving Rafael in a silent room, completely shocked at what she just said. A smile slowly creeped across his face as he leaned back and sat on his feet. As his eyes began to water from the overwhelming sense of happiness, he was unable to take his eyes off her. A minute passed before he was drawn out of his trance by a closing door in the hallway. After slowly getting up on his feet, trying not to wake Lucy, he walked out of her room and walked towards Olivia’s; his body feeling weightless as his mind replayed that moment over and over. Once he saw Olivia standing at the edge of her bed, he rushed over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist as he lifted her into a tight hug.

When he placed her back on the ground, without letting her go, Olivia laughed, “What’s going on?”

“She… S-She…” he stammered; unable to get his words out fast enough.

“Rafael,” she smiled, “Take a breath and try again.”

He nodded as he took a breath; just as he exhaled, he rushed, “She called me Daddy!” With a small pause, he spoke a lot slower as he repeated himself; “She called me Daddy.”

“That’s great,” Olivia grinned; feeling the happiness radiating off him, “I’m happy to hear that.”

“Not as happy as I am,” Rafael smiled, “It almost doesn’t feel real.”

Olivia slowly lifted her hand and brushed a fallen piece of silver hair out of his face; as she tucked it behind his ear, she smiled, “It’s as real as this.”

His heart fluttered as he leaned his head into her hand; when she gently ran her thumb across his cheek, he leaned in and kissed her.  As he broke the kiss, he whispered, “I love you.”

Olivia didn’t say anything back; she didn’t have to. Instead she moved her hand from his face to the back of his head, tangling her fingers in his hair, as she pulled him into another kiss. As their tongues began to intertwine, Rafael unwrapped his arms around his waist and placed one hand firmly on her ass while the other slid up her soft dress. As he slowly ran his hand along her back; Olivia moved her hands down his chest until they reached his waist. While their tongues danced together, she tugged at the base of his shirt until it fell loosely at his hips. Once it was free, she couldn’t help herself as she ran her hands under his shirt and onto his rough, scarred and slightly hairy chest. Feeling her soft hands on his bare skin sent a shiver down his spine. He broke the kiss with a shuddering breath as he gently pushed her onto the bed. He quickly removed his shirt before jumping onto the bed himself; his knee between hers as he crawled up on her. He slid his hand under her red dress and along her silky-smooth legs. As his hand caressed her ass, he leaned down and kissed her. Olivia gently ran her hands along his chest and around to his back, pulling his body closer to hers. As their tongues intertwined again, Rafael started to grind softly against her as he firmly squeezed her ass. Olivia let out a soft moan into his mouth as she dug her nails into his back.

Rafael reluctantly broke the kiss; “I’m s-sorry,” he whispered out of breath. As he sat up a little, he added, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

A little disappointed, Olivia sighed, “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered again.

Olivia smiled, “it’s okay, we can work on that.”

“Work on what?” he questioned. When her eyes dropped to his waist, he rushed, “No, no, no, no… God no Liv, I might not be as young as I once was but trust me, I can last longer than that.”

“Oh,” Olivia said; trying to swallow her laughter. “I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

“You sure know how to boost a man’s ego,” he chuckled.

“Your ego will survive,” she smiled. After a small pause she asked, “If that’s not the problem then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing… Believe me, I’m kicking myself from stopping this but…” he said, moving his leg from between hers. “I just don’t think we should rush this.”

“Okay,” she nodded, “Though, is it really rushing things if we’ve been married for almost 4 years?”

Rafael let out a small laugh, “Liv, I want to but I just think it’s better if we wait.”

“I understand,” she sighed.

Rafael laid back on her bed; “Can we just talk for a while?” he asked, “I just don’t want tonight to end just yet.”

Olivia lifted her head and placed it on his chest as she snuggled into him; “It doesn’t have to,” she replied.

“What do you mean?” he questioned.

“Move in with us,” she said calmly.

“Liv… Don’t just say that,” he sighed.

“I mean it,” Olivia muttered, “I’m tired of having to say goodbye, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” Rafael mumbled, “But what about Carter?”

“You know, spending the last few days without you made me realise that I don’t want to spend any more time away from you,” she paused, “And I’m not about to let a dead man continue to run our lives. So, what do you say?”

“A-absolutely,” he rushed, “I’d love to move in.”

“Good,” she smiled, “Then tomorrow we’ll call Adam to watch the kids so you and I can gather your things.”

“Thank you,” Rafael whispered.

They spent the next hour or so talking until they eventually fell asleep in each other’s embrace.  

 

The next morning Rafael slowly woke up, it took him a moment to remember where he was; then a big smile appeared on his face as he looked at the woman sleeping next to him. It wasn’t a dream after all. Unable to help himself, he leaned over and gently began to pepper the side of her face with kisses. When she woke up, she placed a hand on the side of his face and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

“Good morning,” he grinned when the kiss broke.

“Morning,” she smiled.

“I wish I could just lay here forever,” he said softly.

“W-Wouldn’t that be nice,” she yawned.

“I think the kids are going to be up soon so, do you mind if I have a shower?” he asked.

“Go ahead,” she replied. “Fresh towels are in the other bathroom though.”

“Okay,” he nodded as he slowly got out of bed, not bothering to put his shirt back on. He stretched his arms behind himself as he wandered over towards the door. With a quick glance over his shoulder, he saw Olivia sitting up in bed, looking at him. “I love you so much,” he smiled.

“I love you too.”

After a moment, he opened the door and turned as he closed it quietly behind him; as he turned around again, he froze. Noah was standing in the hallway staring at him. “Um,” he whispered. “Hi.”

Noah just stared at Rafael for a moment; filling the hallway with an awkward silence until a huge grin appeared across his face. “I knew it!” he said excitedly.

“Shh,” Rafael whispered, “Don’t wake your sister.”

“You just came out of Mom’s room,” Noah said. “Does this mean…”

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere,” Rafael smiled.


End file.
